Old, Unhappy, Far Off Things
by Lady Alila
Summary: Jane Shepard is left little time to deal with her grief over her defeat on Thessia before a distress signal is discovered from a colony in the Attican Traverse, but not just any colony. Now Shepard will be forced to deal with the memories of her past as she and her squadmates race to save Mindoir before it suffers the same fate as Thessia. Rated M for language and violence
1. -1-

Author's Note: All characters are owned by Bioware, as well as the quest name, "Old, Unhappy, Far-Off Things."

It's been awhile since I've written fanfiction, but Bioware has spurred me to write again with their epic sci-fi drama, Mass Effect. I have been obsessed with these games for years and the great characters (Femshep, Garrus, Tali, Mordin, Thane, Wrex, Joker; the list goes on and on). Though I loved Mass Effect 3 (ending definitely excluded from this love; strong and bitter feelings about the ending and its lack of closure and showing how our choice meaningfully impacted the ending), there were a few things I wished had been in the game.

One of which was making your backgrounds and service records matter again, something that was also missing in ME2. It's pretty much non-existent in ME3, and this would have been a perfect place for it. This is the end of the Shepard's story; there are more reflective moments that Shepard experiences, as many producers and writers of the game said, but not on Shepard's background. At least give people the choice. If they did not want their Shepard to look back on those times, fine, but I wanted the opportunity to have a quest related to the Colonist background (my favorite of the three). Or the very least a mention, besides the one Shepard says on Eden Prime during the From Ashes DLC.

This is my attempt to show what a mission to Mindoir would be like, as well as some, good ole'fashioned romance between Garrus and Shepard.

Enjoy!

* * *

-1-

_Beep...Beep...Beep..._

Jane Shepard's eyes closed at the sound of the intercom, wishing the asari councilor had waited just a little longer to call. Just an hour or so. So Shepard had time to figure out what to tell Tevos. To have time for Jane Shepard to pull herself together.

Shepard felt her eyes begin to sting, but she kept her eyelids firmly shut, her teeth clamping down on her bottom lip to keep the determined tears at bay. Now was not the time. She was still on duty. She was still Commander Shepard.

Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Shepard walked over to the comm to answer the councilor's call. Shepard refused to look Tevos in the eye.

"Commander!" The urgency in Tevos's voice was not what crushed Shepard. It was the tone of cautious optimism. The same tone Shepard had heard many times when she had promised to help people in trouble. Shepard was supposed to be the strongest, the savior, the one who always got the job done.

Who always won.

The woman who stood before the holo-image of the asari councilor felt as if the weight of responsibilities had fully crashed down on her.

"Councilor," Shepard greeted, keeping her head bowed, staring down at the console.

"We...contact...Thessia. How soon will the Crucible be ready?" There it was. With that one question, the floodgates would open. Shepard would have to acknowledge her failure.

"Councilor, we didn't get the information we needed." Shepard paused, the taste of bile rising in her throat. "We have no idea how to finish the Crucible."

"What happened?" Tevos asked, emotional distress clearly ringing her voice, her entire body tensing.

"Cerberus was there. We...were defeated." Shepard clenched the sides of the console tightly, but forced herself to look at the holo-image of the asari.

"And Thessia? What was the situation on Thessia?"

"Deteriorating. Fast. The Reapers are there in strength." Shepard's voice broke at the last word. She did not know how long the Commander façade would stay until it crumbled into tiny pieces. Until she allowed herself to grieve.

"Then you'll excuse me...there must be preparations, continuities of civilization to make." The asari councilor paused, head in her hand. She took a shuttering breath. "I never thought this day would come."

"None of us did," Shepard said, unsure of what to say. "I'm..." She watched as the holo-image quickly disappeared from view.

"Sorry."

Shepard stood before the console for another moment, allowing a lone tear to slide down her face before quickly brushing it away.

"You can't let this get to you, Jane, no matter how terrible this is," Shepard encouraged herself, shaking her head furiously at allowing her emotions to overpower her. Emotions had gotten her into nothing but trouble sixteen years ago.

She heard EDI call her name from the adjacent room and quickly strode over to the AI.

"Asari forces are in full retreat, Shepard. We must leave asari space before the Reapers take full control of the system," EDI advised, fixing Shepard with a pointed stare with her metallic eyes. Thankfully, Shepard was past the point where she was no longer reminded of Dr. Eva and Mars when Shepard looked at EDI; otherwise, the intensity of EDI's gaze would have concerned her.

Shepard nodded and commanded EDI to get them out of the system. She looked over at Liara, who looked so small, her shoulders slumped in pure defeat and sorrow. Shepard reached over to lay a gentle hand on Liara's shoulder. Liara looked up, tears frozen in her eyes.

"Shepard...no one could have predicted...Cerberus would reach Thessia before us."

Shepard shook her head. "It's my job to be prepared. No matter what. Not only is Thessia lost, but the data on the Catalyst as well."

Without warning, Shepard slammed her hands down on the console in front of her, ignoring the stinging sensation in her hands.

"I'm sick of Cerberus beating us at every turn," Shepard ground out, a harshness creeping into her voice that she rarely expressed as a calm, diplomatic soldier.

"I say it's time to kick them in the balls for once," James said, punching his left fist into his right.

"I'm with James. It's time for payback. Hell knows they've earned it," Ash chimed in.

Shepard had known this day was coming. Since she had walked away from Cerberus after destroying the Collector Base, she knew the Illusive Man would not just let her walk away. Say what you wanted about the Illusive Man, but lack of determination would never be a character description.

As Shepard listened to Traynor tell her about the blocked Cerberus signal on Horizon, Shepard could feel a pair of eyes on her. A pair of steel-blue eyes, to be exact. She chanced a quick glance and saw Garrus, first mentee, then friend, then lover, staring at her intently.

Turians did not have the same flexibility on their faces as humans or asari and did not have the same ability to convey multiple facial expressions. Actually, many of the alien species had this trait, especially the elcor. However, Garrus did not need the face of a human or asari for Shepard to know he was worried about her. The tight mandibles against his face, his crossed arms against his chest, the burning intensity in his eyes. The same burning intensity he had had at the Wards when he admitted she needed to take care of herself because he needed her.

She knew he would attempt to get her to let everything out, to talk about her failure, assure her it wasn't her fault. Or make her sleep, like after the whole curing the genophage.

"Then I guess we'll be heading to Horizon soon," Shepard said, staring at the holo-image of the Crucible. If only they had not been stopped by so many husks, if only they had gotten there faster. But Shepard knew better than anyone the futility of the "what if" questions. There was absolutely no point to them. Nothing would change. The situation was what it was, and imagining the different ways it could have been different would drive anyone insane.

"I don't care how slim the leads are at this point. I want that Prothean data! I want Cerberus to pay for every singly life they have destroyed!" Shepard knew no one needed to be reminded of the loss of her unit on Akuze.

Shepard ordered the dismissal of her squadmates. As expected, Garrus chose to stay behind.

"Shepard." He reached out to lay a hand on her cheek, but Shepard stepped out of the way.

"Please, Garrus, not now. I know you feel like I need to talk about this, but I'm fine," Shepard said, trying to put on a brave face, but she could already tell Garrus would not budge from his position.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're a terrible liar, Shepard?"

"Only because you are one of the few people who can read me like an open book," Shepard answered wryly.

Any other day, Garrus would have continued this bantering game between them, with some smart-ass and cocky comment in the only way Garrus Vakarian could. Instead, he reached out again and wrapped his arms firmly around her waist and rested his forehead against hers in a turian kiss.

"I know you won't believe me, but Thessia was not your fault, Jane," he whispered, his sub-tone coming out more strongly than usual.

Shepard wanted so much to believe Garrus. She had always known going into this war not everyone could be saved, but a group of civilians was a lot different than an entire planet going up in flames. Or harvested until everything was an indoctrinated husk, or banshee, as the case may be for the asari.

"Isn't this the time when you say that you can't save them all? Repeat the turian motto of expecting sacrifice?" Shepard asked in a strangled whisper, closing her eyes and cherishing the feel of Garrus's forehead on her own. She placed her hands on his neck, underneath his fringe, scratching gently. She felt a shudder of pleasure run through his body at her touch.

"Later. Right now a certain turian with no romantic skills to speak of is trying to cheer up his girlfriend," Garrus said, wrapping his arms around her even tighter.

Shepard gave him a small smile as it crept onto her face.

"Cheer? Coming from you?" she asked, unable to keep the amusement from her voice. Garrus was truly sweet at times, not that he would ever let her say it. He still had his image as a badass, former vigilante to maintain.

Garrus shrugged nonchalantly. "Mood swings, what can I say?"

"Commander, Liara went to have a "chat" with Javik. She was glowing, by the way," Joker's voice rang out through the war room. "You might want to get down there before they, you know, tear out a bulkhead or something."

Shepard sighed and untangled herself from Garrus's embrace.

"Duty calls," Shepard said sarcastically. Before Shepard could move, she felt his hand grasp her arm.

"Do you still want company tonight, Shepard?" Garrus asked quietly, clearly not wanting to pressure her while at the same time not wanting to leave her alone. Shepard placed her five-fingered hand on his three-fingered gloved one, firmly squeezing it.

"Always, Garrus."

* * *

When Shepard finally made it to the fourth deck (thank God the elevator was no longer as slow as on the first Normandy), she could hear Liara yelling from the elevator.

"What's going on?" Shepard heard Ken and Gabby poke their heads out from the exterior engineering doors.

Sending them a look that clearly said she would handle it, Shepard double-timed it to Javik's room, not wanting either Liara or Javik to end up plastered on the walls as a new decorating motif.

"Stop denying reality, asari! Your people used our knowledge from the beacon for their own advancement!" Javik retorted, crossing his arms, seemingly unfazed by Liara's growing or the glow of her biotics flaring up.

"I have a name! It's Liara T'Soni! And I'd appreciate you using it from on!" It was then Shepard chose to step in, gently pushing Liara back from Javik.

"Hey! Settle down! We've all had a rough day!" Shepard said firmly, assuming her role as the voice of reason.

"My home was just destroyed! And all he can do is gloat!" Liara said, fists clenched, fire burning in her eyes. Hard to imagine this was the same shy, quiet asari Shepard had met three years ago.

Shepard turned her gaze to Javik. "Given what's happened today, I think you owe Liara an apology, Javik."

Javik blinked incredulously. "Apologize for the truth?"

Liara began to pace. "You're a Prothean. You were supposed to have all the answers. How could you not stop this from happening?"

Never breaking eye contact, Javik replied, "We thought you would."

Javik went on to explain how the Protheans had viewed the asari as the best hope for this cycle, how they had seen potential in them early on, and how the Protheans had guided the asari when they felt it necessary to do so. Even more surprising was Javik's uncharacteristic encouragement to Liara to let go of her grief. She smiled weakly at the Prothean before bolting from the room. Presumably to go to her quarters.

Shepard thanked Javik for his charitable words, who brushed her gratitude aside, claiming they still needed Liara's talents in the war and she would be lost if she allowed grief to overcome her. However, for the first time, Shepard wondered if Javik was starting to care more than he was letting on, whether there were cracks in his bitter, arrogant shell he presented to the world.

Thanking Javik again, Shepard made her way back to the elevator, fully intent on talking with Liara and making sure she was alright. Javik was right. Though Liara was more than just an asset towards the war (all of her crew were), she would be of no use if she allowed the guilt to consume her. Hell, she almost went into shock numerous times while down on Thessia, which Shepard and Ash had to shake her out of.

When she reached the third deck, Shepard immediately spotted Tali standing by the memorial wall, though she did not even left her head up to acknowledge Shepard's presence, her attention focused on a conversation with Garrus via her omnitool.

"I've never seen her like this, not even after Noveria. Can't you talk to her?" Tali asked, her filtered voice echoing with concern for their asari squadmate.

"I'm just a reminder of her losing her homeworld. Hell, mine still has a fighting chance. Hers is completely lost. Maybe you should talk to her," Garrus reasoned.

"I just got my homeworld back, she just lost hers. I'm the worst possible person to talk to her about this."

It was then Shepard chose to step forward. "I'll talk to her."

"Thanks, Shepard," Tali said, relief immediately entering her voice. Garrus also said something, but Shepard didn't really hear it, as she was already walking to Liara's cabin.

Shepard entered Liara's quarters, surprised to find the door unlocked. She was greeted by the sound of constant, pinging alerts from unanswered messages. The sight of Liara sitting on her bed, datapads surrounding her as she seemingly combed them for information she had overlooked, made Shepard's heart go out to the asari.

"How could this have happened, Shepard? If only I had not been so blind to what was right in front of me, if I had seen that statue for what it really was..." Liara looked up at Shepard, tear trails clearly on her cheeks.

"You had nothing to do with what happened, Liara!" Shepard said emphatically.

"Shepard, I'm the Shadow Broker, I should have seen something! How many of my people's deaths are on my hands, after I promised them I would get them out alive?" Liara exclaimed, voice rising, her hands clenched into tight fists.

Without hesitation, Shepard replied, "None."

Liara's head shot up, her mouth slightly agape. "Jane, I..."

Shepard stopped her before Liara got any further. "You've been warning your people for three years, Liara, and they made their choice not to act on your warnings. Their deaths are something to be mourned, Thessia may be lost for now, but we haven't lost the asari yet," Shepard said, reaching over to place a comforting hand on Liara's shoulder.

"You really believe that, Shepard, or are you saying all of this to make me feel better?" Liara asked.

"I mean it, Liara. Besides, can't have my favorite Shadow Broker going to pieces now, can I?" Shepard teased, content that she seemingly broke Liara out of her depression.

Liara hopped off her bed and strode over to the console. "Helping with the refugees, that's something I could do..." She turned to Shepard. "I'll still need some time about Thessia, but thank you, Jane. I'm lucky to have someone like you as a friend."

Shepard did not fail to notice the wistfulness of Liara's tone. Shepard remembered Liara had shown a romantic interest in her on the first Normandy, something Shepard did not reciprocate. However, Shepard suspected Liara still held onto these feelings and probably wished Shepard had shared them.

Shepard knew it would never have happened. She was never interested in Liara in that way, nor did she want to pursue a relationship with anyone back then (the look on Kaidan Alenko's face when she had turned him down had been even more upsetting than Liara's). She had not been ready, comfortable enough getting that close to someone again. Hadn't since Mindoir...

Shepard mentally shook her head. Now was not the time. She put all of that behind her years ago, anyway.

"Anytime, Liara," Shepard said, stepping out into the Mess, with the sound of Glyph hovering behind her, thanking her for stopping by, ringing in her ear.

"Are you headed up to your quarters, Shepard?" Shepard turned to the recognizable double flanged voice of her turian boyfriend.

"I have a ton of things to do, Garrus, I can't afford to…" Before Shepard could finish, she was quickly cut off.

"You need sleep, Shepard, it's been a long day."

"Yeah, and the last time you made me sleep, I dreamt about the kid from Vancouver going up in flames and heard Kaidan and Mordin calling out to me," Shepard thought to herself. She would never dare to mention that outloud to Garrus. Besides, she had to change out her mods on her weapons, check over her armor, go over remaining mission briefs. The list never seemed to end.

"Garrus, I…" Shepard began, preparing to fight like a krogan against any attempts to relax, but stopped when she saw the concerned look in his eyes.

"You're going to burn yourself out at the rate you're going. Don't think I haven't noticed. You hardly eat, you hardly sleep. You have to come up for air every once in a while…because I still need you," Garrus confessed, reaching out to brush a stray tendril from her face.

Shepard sighed, allowing the weight of fatigue to finally overcome her. "Fine, but I recall you just asked to keep me company."

"As long as you promise to sleep and save any other…activities for another day. I know that may be hard, considering how irresistible I am," Garrus said, a smirk on his face.

Shepard snorted. "You're not nearly as good as you think you are, Vakarian."

"That's still pretty damn good," Garrus replied, looking quite pleased with himself, his mandibles flexed widely from his face.

"You two are terrible at keeping those types of conversations private," Tali remarked from her spot at the wall, turning her head in their direction.

"I thought you liked it when things got up close and personal, Tali," Garrus said, completely unfazed and trying to stifle his laughter.

"Not when I'm overhearing anything intimate about you two. That falls into the too much information category. That and spiders. Little bosh'tets!" Tali said, a visible shutter going down her body.

"Next time we encounter reaperized rachni, I'll be sure to miss so they get nice and close. Meanwhile, I'll tell Shepard over the comm how attractive she is on the battlefield and how I cannot wait to strip off her armor one piece at a time," Garrus said, mandibles even wider than before, amusement clearly shining in his eyes.

In a few long steps, Tali approached the two, her eyes glowing in a glare directed at Garrus. "Fine. Next time we go somewhere like Noveria where there are snow and ice storms every other day, guess who'll conveniently be left behind?"

"Shepard would never leave me behind. Who else would make sure the main gun was well calibrated?"

Shepard shook her head. That's what she loved about them. Whenever they were together, Garrus and Tali always bantered, just as a protective, teasing older brother would do to a pesky, yet lovable, younger sister and vice versa. Shepard had been treated to many of their comm conversations over the past few weeks (you overhear a lot when you walk around the Normandy), and no matter what had been bothering her previously, her concerns melted away, even if it was just for a few minutes.

"He is right, though, Shepard. You should take awhile to rest, when you always tell us to do the same," Tali said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm going, I'm going. Only because you are like a sister to me, Tali. And because you are ruggedly handsome," Shepard said, reaching out to stroke Garrus's scar before heading towards the elevator.

"And don't worry, Vakarian, there are some days on the battlefield where I almost can't resist to take you right then and there," Shepard said over her shoulder, and she was treated to the sound of Tali's choked breath and Garrus's uncontained laughter.

* * *

_The whistling of the trees was just as strong as ever, the sky a mix between grey and pure black at times, an unceasing mist hanging around the trees._

_The tears of a child, scared and unsure, echoing through Shepard's ears._

_As Shepard ran towards the child, she saw the oily shadows by the edges of the trees, carrying the voices of her fallen comrades, another brutal reminder of their loss, their sacrifices. If Shepard closed her eyes, she could clearly hear Mordin signing his song about being a model of a scientist Salarian, Kaidan telling Ash it is the right choice to leave him behind…_

_Out of the corner of her eye, some of the oily shadows began to take shape. Tali appeared to the right of her whispering the words "Keelah se'lai" over and over again as if they were a fervent prayer. _

_Ash appeared to her left, reassuring her Skipper that she would not doubt her again. Joker appeared beside her, expressing his guilt over refusing to leave the first Normandy and causing her death._

_One by one, the shadows formed into the bodies of all her crew, both current and former, dead and alive. They began to surround her in a circle, almost suffocating her._

_Then, just as quickly as it happened, the circle broke to allow Shepard to get to a figure beyond it. _

_Garrus had caught up to the child and stood by him protectively, a firm talon on his shoulder._

"_Why couldn't you save us, Jane? I loved you," Garrus's voice rang out into the mist._

_Shepard shook her head in denial. "But you are safe, Garrus."_

_Garrus continued on as if he hadn't heard her. "You failed to save Palaven, Jane. My family died because of you. The turian race will die!"_

_As if Garrus's words were a cue, Shepard heard the voices of her friends, asking her why she hadn't saved them…_

_Miranda, dark blue eyes flashing, berating her for not helping to find and save her sister from their father…Thane asking why she hadn't helped him take down Kai Leng and let him take the sword to the gut…Liara, angrily sobbing, interrogating her about the fall of Thessia and why she had let it burn…_

_One after the other, they all threw accusations. Shepard tried to run, but she just kept on bumping into another figure who accused her of failing them or not doing enough for them._

_Shepard looked back at Garrus, the man who she had willingly let into her heart, stared at her with disgust, such strong hatred resting in his steel blue eyes._

_Shepard recoiled in horror as Garrus began transforming before her very eyes, as did those of her crewmates and surroundings. The trees themselves seemed to dissolve around her, leaving the field without any cover, and allowing Shepard to see burning buildings in the background. _

_Wires and mechanical limbs replaced the arms and legs of the flesh and blood ones of her comrades and their faces were devoid of emotion. Their metallic, glowing eyes stared straight through her, as if hungrily longing to take the humanity that resided within her out of her body._

"_No!" Shepard cried, reaching out to Garrus, who had become nothing more than a Marauder. The steel, blue-grey eyes that had always sparked with amusement when they bantered back and forth, shone with pride and admiration while on the battlefield and sparkled with love and devotion when locked in a passionate embrace, were replaced with lifeless, glowing eyes. _

"_Thessia was only the beginning, Shepard." Shepard whipped around to see a batarian walking towards her, holding something to what looked like brain nodes, the same kind the raiders had used on…_

_Mindoir was what was burning in the distance._

"_But not your first failure." Like her friends, the batarian transformed into a husk, a Cannibal, as it approached her, the flesh literally melting away._

"_That was not my fault; besides, I've put it all behind me," Shepard said, her voice echoing with a confidence she did not feel._

_Without warning, the Cannibal reached its mechanical arm out and grabbed Shepard by the throat and tossed her to the ground as if she was a rag doll._

"_You lie. Your parents' deaths haunt you. Just as the death of your mate will." Shepard closed her eyes, tears leaking out from the corners of her eyes._

"_No! I never wanted any of this," Shepard choked. She looked up to see Marauder Garrus looking down at her, metallic talon raised to claw his way into her body to tear out her heart._

"_Garrus!" Shepard screamed as the husks of her crew closed in around her, as Garrus's talon sunk into her chest…_

"Jane, wake up! You're safe. Jane!"

Those were the first words Shepard woke up to. Or rather, violently jolted awake to.

When she saw Garrus's face peering down at her, she immediately struggled to get out of his embrace, still not fully aware that this was the real world.

"Jane, stop! It's me, it's Garrus!" Garrus exclaimed, refusing to let go of her.

Shepard felt like she couldn't get enough air into her lungs, like she had been running ten miles without stopping. She felt Garrus rub her back, trying to get her to breathe and ease the tension from her body.

When Shepard was fully awake, she turned to face Garrus. No metal or glowing eyes she could see. She reached a hand up to the damaged side of his face.

"What the hell we you dreaming about, Shepard? You were crying and calling my name, and…" Shepard did not let him finish before reaching up to kiss him on his coarse lips. She felt Garrus wrap both his arms firmly around her waist and hold her close as they kissed.

When Shepard finally broke away, she asked quietly, "Do you still love me, Garrus?/"

Garrus tightened his hold on her. "Of course I do. I didn't think that was in doubt. Where is this coming from?"

Shepard shook her head. "Please, Garrus, I need to hear you say it." She paused, a rare uncertainty entering her voice. "Please."

She could hear her voice warble and feel the hot tear dripping down her face. She could not believe she was being so emotional right now.

Garrus nuzzled the side of her face with his mandible and said with a harsh breath, in a tone of seriousness Shepard rarely heard from him, "I love you, Jane Shepard, and I would be lost without you."

Shepard knew Garrus was never good at expressing himself, confessing such feelings like this, but when he did, it meant the world to her. Shepard didn't know how long they stayed in that position, but Shepard knew these moments were few and far in between, so she might has well cherish them while she could.

"I'm a lucky woman, Garrus," Shepard admitted after a few moments of comfortable silence.

"Of course you are. You could never find someone as stylish,"' Garrus said with his typical confidence.

Shepard gave a watery chuckle before untangling herself from Garrus's embrace and going to change back into her N7 hoodie.

"I don't know, Garrus. Vega is giving you a run for your money in that department," Shepard said, putting her black shirt back on, but wincing when she felt pain radiating from her left shoulder from the Thessia battle.

"You mean that story about riding that Harvester? Completely made up. Besides, it'll take years to reach my level of style," Garrus said, watching Shepard get dressed from the bed.

"I'll be sure to tell him that. I'm going down to install new mods on my Widow," Shepard said as she finished dressing.

"Wait, Shepard, are you sure you're alright? You had me worried there," Garrus admitted, already approaching Shepard.

Shepard sighed, knowing he would not let this go, but she didn't want to tell him about it, about him turning into a Marauder.

"You're here. That's all I need," Shepard whispered.

Garrus frowned. "Jane."

"Not now, Garrus. I need to clear my head," Shepard said, already heading to the door.

Garrus sighed. "Alright. You know where to find me if you need me."

Shepard didn't even answer or look back.

* * *

Shepard felt bad for brushing Garrus off like that, but she just couldn't handle reliving it again. Nor did she want to trouble him. This was her burden to bear. She may not have asked for all this, but she was in this situation now and had to make the best of it.

Shepard felt something rest beside her and looked down to see the robotic dog, Sophie, up on its hind legs. Shepard reached down and pet the mech, and Sophie nuzzled her hand the best she could. Robotic dog or not, she was still cute.

Shepard then reached inside the box of mods, looking for an extended barrel, one she had recently picked up at one of the Cerberus bases, but she could not find it. She got down on her knees for the mods under the bench, wondering if she had put them there by accident.

"Hey, Vega, you haven't been touching the mods today, have you?" Shepard called out, interrupting James from his own work on his assault rifle.

"Can't say that I have, Lola. Maybe Scars has an idea. He spends just as much time as you do on that bench. Maybe he was calibrating something," James said, leaning back on his own work bench, arms crossed.

"Don't let Garrus catch you saying that, you know how annoyed he gets," Shepard replied in a way that clearly encouraged the idea.

"I could take him," James said as casually as if talking about the weather.

"But not as stylishly according to him," Shepard replied dryly, shaking her head and continuing her search, meanwhile thinking about her dream. Disconcerting enough all of her friends turned on her, bringing up doubts about whether she had done enough for them, disconcerting enough they all turned into husks, but the reference to Mindoir really shook her more than she had thought.

And here she had thought nothing would have made her almost forget about the loss of Thessia.

She had thought for the most part she had put Mindoir behind her. Shepard remembered the first two years after the raids, waking up in a cold sweat, the memory of seeing her father's head smashed in flashing vividly in her mind...

The only remnants of the raid for her that held any sway were the nightmares. As the years passed, they lessened, only to be replaced by other horrors. Thanks a lot, Cerberus and your thresher maw of destruction. Really, thanks to the Reapers too.

Wasn't it bad enough she dreamt about things in the present? Why was she now being forced to deal with events that had occurred sixteen years prior?"

"Hey, Lola, this what you're looking for?"

Shepard's head popped up, and she saw James dangling a cylinder piece of metal in front of her.

"And you were going to blame this on Garrus," Shepard said, grabbing the barrel from James's outstretched hand and beginning to install it into the gun.

"Forgot I had it," James said, rubbing his neck, looking extremely uncomfortable.

"Why? You don't use sniper rifles. The only people who do are me, Garrus, and..." Shepard stopped working on the gun and a grin the size of that demented cat from that old fairytale her mother told her about (Wonderland something) crept onto her face.

"You got a bit of a thing for the Lieutenant-Commander?"

"It's not what you think, ma'am. I just wanted to... you know, since I... she was still piss-ass drunk...and you wanted her... to come with, on that mission so... I thought..."

Shepard watched as a slow blush crossed James's face and he looked like he wanted to do nothing more than stop this conversation and bolt from the room. Surprising coming from the man who had rammed the Kodiak into Cerberus's without any hesitation, almost signing his own death sentence.

"Weapons upgrades are always the key to a woman's heart. Garrus knew that when he got me the Widow," Shepard teased, enjoying seeing this rough soldier show his soft side.

"You're not…uh, going to tell Ashley, right?" James asked.

"Never crossed my mind," Shepard said lightly.

"Commander!"

Shepard lifted her eyes tiredly to the ceiling at the sound of Joker's voice. "What is it now, Joker? The Illusive Man apologizing for being a psychotic prick? The Reapers have offered their unconditional surrender?"

"EDI found something you have to hear. You need to get to the bridge ASAP."

Shepard walked back to the elevator. With how this day was going, she prepared herself for the worst.

* * *

Shepard stood before her message terminal in shock, that taunting message from Kai Leng still before her. Infuriating enough that the son of a bitch rubbed his victory in her face, but to threaten...

"EDI, Traynor, you're sure the message is legitimate?" Shepard asked, trying to keep her voice steady.

"Positive, Commander. I've detected a distress signal coming from somewhere in the colony. Don't know how long it's been active, but the signal is weak. Safe to assume unless you were actively looking for it, you wouldn't have seen it," Traynor reasoned, pressing a few buttons on her console.

Shepard knew she had to tell Joker to set a course for the Attican Traverse, knew she had to tell Garrus and Tali to suit up, but Shepard's feet were glued to the floor. She hadn't been back to the colony in years. She had no family or friends from there anymore. Not for the past sixteen years. The batarian raiders had clearly seen to that. Only a handful of people who survived chose to stay and rebuild Mindoir, but not anyone Shepard had been on a friendly basis with. Many other adventurous humans had come to live in the new settlement, but the population had never returned to what it had been before the raid. Shepard also imagined once she had become famous, Mindoir had had a tourism boom. Last she heard, Mindoir was partly being used as a remote Alliance outpost.

"What does that matter to the Reapers, Jane?" she scowled herself. Not to mention it being the birthplace of the infamous Commander Shepard. That would have been enough to be put on the Reaper's radar.

Seeing Mindoir in flames in her dream…was it warning her about this attack or was it a flashback to her own memories from that day?

"Do you have anything, Liara?" Shepard turned to her asari friend, who looked much more collected than a few hours before and who had been asked by EDI to find any information about the state of the colony when EDI and Traynor had discovered the message and the signal.

"Nothing definite, but my sources indicate there has been increased activity in this sector of the Traverse in the past few weeks. I also have a piece of correspondence from a former Lieutenant Ernesto Zabaleta to Alliance brass, expressing his concern over a possible Reaper attack," Liara said, handing Shepard the datapad.

"Former?" Traynor asked in surprise.

"I'm still investigating, but from my initial research I noticed he was stationed on the SSV Einstein," Shepard's head shot up and saw Liara looking point-blank at her. Unsurprising Liara would know the significance of that carrier to Shepard.

"SSV Einstein? You're sure?" Shepard asked, urgency apparent in her voice, her hands growing clammier by the second.

Liara nodded. "Positive."

Shepard rushed over to her personal comm to the left of the map. "Garrus, Tali, I need you to head down to the hangar and suit up immediately."

Without waiting for a response, Shepard barked out an order to head for Mindoir and headed to the elevator, pushing the button for the fifth deck. Unsurprising, it stopped on the third.

"What's going on, Shepard?" Garrus asked, locking his gloves into place as he stepped into the elevator.

"There was a distress signal out from one of the colonies in the Attican Traverse. Kai Leng was kind enough to tell me about it," Shepard said, sarcasm dripping from every word as she pressed the button for the fifth deck again.

"I know you always save anyone in trouble, Shepard, but there's something else, isn't there?" Garrus asked.

"It's Mindoir, Garrus." Spirits, it pained her to say it. Wait, did she say "Spirits" in head? She really had been around Garrus for too long.

"How long has it been since you've been back there?" When Shepard did not answer his question, instead burning a proverbial hole in the floor, he asked, "Not since...?" before trailing off, not needing to finish.

"I didn't see the point. Everyone I loved or knew well was gone and the colony would do nothing but bring up bad memories and stir ghosts long laid to rest," Shepard said.

When they arrived back in the hangar, Shepard walked back over to the weapons bench to double check the mods on her sniper rifle. She almost wished Garrus would become distracted at upgrading her Widow, giving her advice on which mod offered better enhanced accuracy. Get Garrus playing with sniper rifles, like his calibrations, and he could not be easily torn away for at least a few hours.

Unless, of course, Shepard needed him, or in this case, Garrus felt he was needed.

"So, when you told Williams on the first Normandy that you had dealt with your family situation...did you really mean it?" Garrus asked.

"Wouldn't have told Ash that if I didn't believe it. I'm not that fragile, Vakarian," Shepard snapped, grabbing her armor and preparing to strap it on.

"No, but you're human, Shepard. You may be stronger than many others, but you have limits," Garrus said, going over to his own locker to grab his Viper and Mattock to strap onto his armor.

"Commander Shepard has no limits," Shepard ground out, grabbing her other weapons from her locker.

"Commander Shepard might not, but Jane Shepard does," Garrus retorted, crossing his arms.

"When did you suddenly turn into Kelly Chambers? I don't have time to undergo psychoanalysis, Garrus! We have a mission to prep for. I didn't think I needed to be telling you that." Shepard knew she was being harsh, but she was getting frustrated with Garrus's attitude. Any previous feelings of guilt from blowing him off earlier had disappeared. He may see a side of her not many saw, but she was not that breakable. He should have known that better than anyone.

Garrus tensed at her words, but walked away from her over to James with a mumbled, "As you wish, Commander."

Shepard mentally kicked herself and her shoulders sagged. Shit, she had just made it worse.

God, she was so tired.

Just then Tali came out of the elevator. Shepard quickly filled her in as Joker came on the comm announcing they were on approach to Mindoir and EDI had informed Cortez he was needed.

Shepard thanked him and as she continued to organize herself and change into her armor, her thoughts began to wander back to the former Lt. Zabaleta and whether he had been stationed on the Einstein sixteen years before and he remembered a bruised, broken, and teary-eyed teenager named Jane Shepard.

* * *

A/N: Like it? Have any constructive criticism you wish to offer? Review and let me know! Next time: Shepard, Garrus, and Tali land on Mindoir and meet up with former Lt. Zabaleta and begin to piece together what happened. Also, angst between Garrus and Shepard ensues and Shepard begins to struggle with her memories of the raid!


	2. -2-

A/N: Many thanks to those who have given this story a chance and to HeidiM2574 & The Once and Future Thing for your reviews, greatly appreciated!

Story is kind of going in a different direction from when I first started writing it and definitely becoming longer than I thought, but I hope you all enjoy this next chapter in Shepard's journey to save her old home!

* * *

-2-

The first thing Shepard noticed from the Kodiak's external camera was the smoke.

Definitely not a good sign.

"Any luck raising the Alliance base, Cortez?" Shepard called out to her other trustworthy pilot. It had pleased Shepard to see Cortez had become less distracted, less focused on his grief for his husband, which he credited her for on numerous occasions. She just had not been able to bear seeing him cling to his grief so strongly, no matter how much he had tried to hide it.

"Nonesofar, ma'am, I'll keep trying," Cortez reassured her.

Shepard thanked him, but then found herself transfixed on the seemingly burning buildings on the screen.

How familiar this all seemed. Shepard staring at the blackened, charred remains of her home, the lines of smoke filing out one by one into the baby blue sky, wondering who else had escaped the horrors the invaders were inflicting on the colony.

How familiar, but yet how different. Shepard was not the defenseless teenager she had been sixteen years ago. She was a commander, a graduate of the N7 program, and in charge of bringing together all of the races of the galaxy to defeat the greatest threat it has seen in 50,000 years.

Absolutely no pressure on that front, by the way.

She had clearly come a long way since that fateful day.

Shepard remembered when she met with an Alliance recruiter the day she turned eighteen. When she lived on Mindoir, she had never once thought about joining, but once the SSV Einstein and other Alliance marines came to save the colony, she lived on the Einstein for a few weeks and found herself intrigued about the life of a soldier, how those men and women put themselves on the line daily for people they had never met before. She wanted to help people the same way the Alliance had helped her.

When she met with the recruiter, she remembered the look on his face as he skimmed through her background on his datapad. Not a sympathetic look as if sorry to know she was one of the colonists on Mindoir. Not impressed she was willing to possibly face the grim specter of death again. Brow furrowed, crinkles at the corner of his eyes, lips pursued in a firm frown, he clearly sent her a look that asked: Are you still carrying that baggage with you? Are you mentally stable?

He still agreed to take her; they needed volunteers and they weren't going to be picky, but Shepard remembered going home that night with a bitter taste in her mouth and an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

How dare that man judge me; he doesn't even know me, she remembered thinking to herself. She wouldn't have signed up if she hadn't been fully capable.

However, she also couldn't lie to herself and say she still wasn't having intense nightmares and thought about her parents. That recruiter's reaction forced her to realize she hadn't completely dealt with her grief.

She had to begin to let go. All that reminded of her old life were ghosts, memories; it was time to start a new life.

Maybe that was why she had been so tough on Garrus, because he had questioned her in the same way the recruiter had.

Shepard immediately dismissed the idea. Garrus was different. He actually knew her. The recruiter had just assumed Shepard would break, probably because he had seen it multiple times before. Garrus was just worried.

She knew they needed to talk, that she had to explain why she had been so standoffish, but she was not looking forward to that conversation. For all her interest in wanting to help other people out with their problems and their emotional issues, she was terrible at trying to deal with her own.

"Do you think Kai Leng or Cerberus had something to do with this, Shepard?" Tali's questioning voice broke Shepard out of her thoughts. Both Tali and Garrus were sitting across from her, Garrus still staring at the Kodiak's video feed.

"The Illusive Man having interest in the colony would not surprise me in the least, but I don't think Kai Leng himself was involved. Though he seems to have an unhealthy obsession with trying to kill me. In his message, he talked about how the legend of Shepard needs to be rewritten and he wants to be there for the final chapter."

"Sounds like you got an admirer, Commander," Garrus said dryly, turning his attention to her. Shepard did not fail to notice the use of her title, as he did on the days of the first Normandy, something he rarely did these days.

"A morbid and determined one." Shepard got up from the small seat, feeling too wired to sit still any longer. "What he fails to realize is that it's my story. His role in it will end with an omniblade to the gut if we meet up with him again," Shepard swore. That son of a bitch would pay for everything he had done, especially Thane's death.

"That's surprisingly blunt for you, Shepard," Tali remarked.

"Some people cannot be reasoned or negotiated with, Tali, and Kai Leng is definitely one of them. You can help me write this chapter if you want. I know Garrus wanted the opportunity to express his creativity beyond painting walls with Reaper blood," Shepard said with a slightly teasing tone, trying to act as if they hadn't fought a few minutes before.

"I'll take you up on that, Shepard, wouldn't want to pass up on the opportunity to rearrange every molecule in Kai Leng's body," Garrus replied with a smirk. Despite the banter, though, Shepard could sense the underlying tension behind it, almost as if the banter was forced in order to cover up that tension.

What did Garrus expect her to do? Spill out her deepest, darkest secrets right there in the Kodiak? Go into detail about all of her dreams and the symbolism within them?

"Incoming message from the colony, ma'am. Not the base," Cortez called out to her.

"Patch it through, Cortez," Shepard ordered, walking over to the cockpit.

"Hello? Is…this frequency? This…Margaret Talbot…colony Mindoir." Despite the strong static, the voice of a woman rang out through the cockpit.

"This is Commander Shepard. We're on approach. What's your situation?" Shepard asked.

"Hold on…fix…signal." Suddenly, the strong static cleared and Shepard could fully hear the mystery woman. "Hopefully that should hold for the moment. Commander Shepard, huh? Well I'll be damned. Maybe we actually have a chance."

Shepard closed her eyes at the cautious optimism. Once again the tone of cautious optimism. She prayed this time they wouldn't be too late.

"Listen, Reaper forces have been attacking in waves for the past two days. Every single time we think it's safe to come out, another wave hits. We don't know where they're coming from, but we think it might be somewhere to the east of the colony," the woman explained, surprisingly calm despite the current situation.

"How many of you are there?"

"Around 100 or so. There were more… until the attacks. Many colonists evacuated early on during the war, but some of us chose to stay." The woman gave out a tired sigh before continuing. "Might be paying the price for that now."

"Hold on. We're coming to get you all out of here. Where are you?" Shepard asked, signaling to Garrus and Tali to prepare for landing.

"Some of us are holed up in a building at the far end of the colony. Those who can fight are trying to defend the colony, but… I don't know how much longer they can hold out; those fighting are either retired marines or volunteers. Comms also aren't working well, as you can tell."

"Hang tight, we're on our way." Shepard turned to Cortez. "Head back to the Normandy. I'll radio you when we've finished down here."

"Copy that, ma'am. LZ is clear. No hostiles detected in the area." Cortez looked up at her and gave her a seemingly heartfelt salute. "Good luck, Commander."

Shepard nodded her thanks to Cortez as she walked back over to Garrus and Tali.

"That woman said many out fighting were retired marines. Why would they retire out here? I mean, not that it isn't a nice… I mean," Tali stuttered, trying to amend her words. Shepard hadn't seen Tali this flustered since she had mentioned Shepard was the only one she would have linked suits with if she had been a quarian.

Shepard dismissed it with a wave of her hand. "It's fine, Tali, I knew what you meant."

"Has anyone told you you're cute when you get all flustered like that?" Garrus asked, his head cocked in Tali's direction.

Tali glared right back at him. "Shotgun, Garrus."

"Fair point. Anyways, maybe those marines were looking for adventure to pass their days in retirement, still feel like they're making a difference protecting people from pirates?" Garrus suggested.

"Getting a little wishful there, Vakarian?" Shepard asked, turning back to look at Garrus, eyebrows raised.

"What else will we do with our time if we make it through our fight with the Reapers? Take up painting? Enter quasar tournaments?" Garrus asked, shrugging his shoulders.

"Maybe take time to improve your flexibility?" Shepard teased with the slightest hint of a flirtatious smile, knowing this would get Tali riled up.

"Why do that when you have enough flexibility for the both of us?" Garrus asked, his mandibles twitching slightly and his eyes gaining that slight flicker of amusement.

Shepard chuckled under her breath at Tali's frustrated cry at the two of them being impossible, just as the Kodiak doors opened for Shepard, Garrus and Tali to step out onto the grassy field beyond the colony.

"Alright, all kidding aside, we have to get to the building where Margaret Talbot contacted us and see if those defending the colony are still putting up a fight," Shepard directed her squadmates, already programming her gun with cryo ammo.

"Understood, Shepard, we're right behind you," Garrus affirmed, pulling his Mattock from her armor. Tali voiced the same, pulling her Wraith shotgun from hers.

Shepard led the way through the field. It was not too far to the colony from where they were, but there were hardly any trees or anything to take cover behind nearby if they were set upon. Then again, this much open cover did not allow enemy forces any element of surprise.

Shepard kept a steady pace with her weapon raised, her finger hovering over the trigger. She kept herself on the lookout for anything to pop up. That way, she didn't have to focus on the memory of herself running for dear life through this very field, a batarian on her tail, sporadically shooting her.

If she hadn't thought she would die during the first moments of the raid, she definitely thought she would die then. She remembered tripping over her feet, losing her balance, and toppling to the ground in a heap. It was the first time she screamed for help, relying on someone to come to her rescue. Thankfully, she was close to where the Alliance marines were pinned down. She vaguely remembered a man with chocolate brown hair and leathery skin come from seemingly nowhere and shoot the batarian right between the eyes. Shepard could still feel the batarian's blood splatter onto her face and chest from the force of the bullet at such a close range.

The first time she cheated death, but certainly not the last. She must have more lives than a cat.

While on the Einstein for that short amount of time, she never saw the man again so she could properly thank him nor did she have the courage to ask any marines about him. She only hoped the marine had known how grateful she had been.

"Keelah," Tali gasped behind her. Shepard looked back to see Tali point down the field. At first glance, it looked to be piles of rocks, but upon further observation, it was a small pile of bodies. Both corpses of humans and Reaper forces. Upon further inspection as they inched closer, some of the human bodies had started decaying, leaving a foul stench in the air. Some bodies were missing limbs. Some had bullet wounds that had once oozed from the head. Most of the humans had weapons near them, as well as basic armor strapped on, but a few looked to be unarmed civilians. Just a bunch of farmers.

Shepard felt her head spinning and the bile rising in her throat at the smell. Small tears stung at the corners of her eyes from trying to contain the urge to throw up.

What the hell was wrong with her? She had lost count of how many bodies she had seen in the span of sixteen years (more than was probably healthy and probably would have been more appropriate for a military woman to see in her entire life). Not to mention she had watched helplessly as that colonist from Horizon was melted into a grey paste right before her eyes. That should have been more traumatizing than seeing a few dead bodies. This was no different than usual.

"No, it is different. This wasn't supposed to happen again," Shepard thought to herself, biting her lip to keep the rising urge to vomit at bay.

"We need to keep moving, Shepard. I think I hear a firefight further down," Garrus said, walking up to her.

Shepard didn't answer. She knew Garrus was right, but all she could focus on as she stared out at the piles of bodies was the image of a sixteen year old, auburn hair sticking to her damp face and neck, crystal blue eyes wide with terror as she ran away from the colony, the terrified scream of her fellow colonists ringing in her ears, watching as the ones who also tried to run dropped like flies when bullets flew past and hit their targets…

Before Shepard knew what was happening, she felt herself stumble and fall down on both knees, dropping her gun beside her.

"No! I put it behind me!" Shepard thought forcefully to herself.

Obviously not well enough.

"Shepard!" Shepard felt a pair of hands left her back up and an arm drape around her shoulders to keep her upright. Shepard watched as Tali grabbed her gun from the ground and handed it back to her. Shepard quietly thanked her quarian friend.

"What just happened, Shepard? You were fine until we saw the bodies," Garrus said, concern reflected in his eyes.

"How every observant, Vakarian. Anything else earth-shattering you wish to add?" Shepard shot back. She was doing it again. She was closing herself off from dealing with it, just as she closed herself off from dealing with her dreams, and she knew it. Not that she was going to openly admit it.

"Shepard, Garrus only…" Tali began, trying to be the voice of reason, but Garrus quickly interrupted her, a growing fire in his eyes, one Shepard had not seen since he tracked Sidonis.

"Maybe you did mean what you said to Ash three years ago, maybe you thought you had dealt with it, but in light of Thessia and the dream you had, you're clearly struggling with being back here, Tali and I can see it!" Garrus exclaimed, his voice rising with each sentence.

"What do you want me to say, Garrus? I'm doing the best I can to deal with it all. What more can I do?" Shepard defended, crossing her arms and glaring at her mate.

"I'm not saying we have a heart to heart right now, but you cannot continue to take on all of this yourself. You have always been so open with us. Why should any of this be different? You promised me you would take care of yourself, Jane," Garrus reminded her in a way that made it seem as if she had suddenly forgotten. This was not the time for Garrus to be condescending.

Shepard wrenched herself from Garrus's arm wrapped around her. "That's kind of hard when people are constantly depending on you to save them and could die if you allow your emotional bullshit to get in the way!"

Before Garrus could come back with a rebuttal, gunfire seemed to erupt from the colony, alongside the ear-piercing screams of a banshee.

"We have to go now!" Shepard already began sprinting towards the noise, not even looking behind her to see if Garrus and Tali were behind her.

* * *

Shepard had to hand it to the colonists. They certainly weren't giving into Reaper forces without a fight, despite their limited numbers. They seemed good at maintaining defensive positions and flanking the enemy. The great majority were engaging the husks in the center of the colony. Here an artificial water fountain stood, the water stained with blood. A few others were sniping enemies from the stairs of homes, conveniently placed for some headshots. At a quick glance, she saw that Talbot had been right. Most of the husks came from a hole in the defensive wall to the east.

But of course, it would not be a complete day fighting Reaper forces without some brutes thrown into the mix.

Activating her tactical cloak, she switched out her Locust for her Widow, locking onto the weakest point in the brute's armor before placing a well-aimed shot. The brute reared its ugly head in her direction as the tactical cloak faded away. Tali appeared beside her and raised her omnitool, activating her trusty drone. It appeared right next to the brute and immediately caught its attention, allowing Garrus to step in with assault rifle shots. Shepard barely had time to take notice of the brute's fall before a marauder turned away from two soldiers and focused on her.

"Go get it, Chiktikka!" Tali yelled at her combat drone. The drone fired a few, well placed electrical waves at the marauder to disable its shields.

While Garrus and Tali dealt with the marauder, Shepard approached the closest human taking cover behind the wall, clutching a bullet wound to the shoulder, the latch on his helmet visor unclasped. He titled his head up at her approach and offered a small salute. He must have recognized her.

"I'm looking for Margaret Talbot. Do you know where she is?"

The soldier nodded, wincing in pain from his flesh wound. "She's at the colony headquarters at the left edge of the colony, holed up with anyone else…" He paused to hiss in pain. "Not able to fight. It's not far, in that direction." He pointed to a path, northwest of the fountain.

"Are there any soldiers guarding the civilians?" Shepard asked, taking note of the direction they needed to go, which of course, was blocked by husks, husks, and more husks.

"A few inside the headquarters to guard them, but only two hidden outside. Didn't want to draw attention to the building. Trying to keep the Reapers occupied," the soldier replied, biting his lip from the pain, drawing blood.

"Are there any Alliance marines here, soldier?"

"There are no active Alliance soldiers here, ma'am. Many of the men fighting are retired marines. The others are civilians or volunteers who've never held a gun before. Not many of those lasted long," the soldier remarked in a tone of fatigued remorse.

"And you?" Shepard asked, popping out quickly to place a few bullets right into the flashing neon-blue chest of a husk.

"Part of an infantry unit in Hades Gamma cluster. Most of the unit was wiped out; transferred here…to be with my wife. One of few left." Shepard did not fail to notice the tone of extreme bitterness in his voice. Curious.

Raising her omnitool, she gave him an application of medigel to help with the wound until he could be properly looked after. Thanking the soldier for the information, she sprinted back onto the battlefield to help Garrus and Tali with another oncoming brute, having taken care of the other enemies in their path.

Once the brute was finished off (all thanks to Shepard's tactical cloak and incinerate powers, Garrus's overload, Tali's drone, and a couple of good, old fashioned bullets) and the wave of enemies had begun to die down after a while, Shepard led Garrus and Tali through the heart of the colony to get to the colony headquarters. As they passed by, some of those who had been fighting offered a salute when they recognized her.

As with most colony worlds, there was not much to the buildings; after all, Mindoir had only been meant to be a remote farming colony. Square and rectangle structures with huge windows looking out at the other buildings in the colony, with furniture and appliances shoved into them, similar to the layout on Eden Prime. The structures actually looked relatively new, but then again, most of the old buildings had been destroyed in the raid.

"The colonists have been doing surprisingly well for themselves," Garrus remarked.

"Determination and will to live can be powerful things," Tali remarked. Shepard did not fail to notice her pensive tone and wondered if Tali was referring to her own people or the geth.

"And having a bunch of retired marines helps," Shepard added.

The trio fell silent when they reached the compound (the design of which looked slightly similar to the mercenary compounds they had encountered on the first Normandy, though connected with other buildings on either side). Once they explained to the two soldiers (who literally seemed to pop out of nowhere, guns cocked and ready to fire) guarding it who they were, they were led inside.

They did not see civilians until they were led through two other smaller rooms into the larger one in the compound. Shepard did not know how long the colonists had been hiding, but taking one look into their terrified faces and bloodshot eyes, they may as well as been under siege for years.

As Shepard walked further into the room, recognition sparked through the eyes of many of the colonists and their eyes widened in shock. Shepard knew they recognized her. She was one of the most well-known figures in the galaxy, not to mention Mindoir had recently gotten approval to use her likeness on their seal.

Despite the wide eyes at her entrance, only one woman approached her, determination marking her every step as she walked. Her black hair was pulled back into a firm bun (the way Ash used to wear hers), though a few strands had escaped their confines. Despite the colonist garb she wore, a heavy pistol rested at her hip. Her face held no warmth (not that Shepard expected a cheery reception awaiting them), but instead a firm mask of somberness that could have given Javik a run for his money was in place. She had all the appearances of a woman who meant business. Yet Shepard could still see the fatigue and worry resting in the woman's greenish-blue eyes.

"Commander Shepard? Margaret Talbot. I'm the governess of Mindoir, at least of the civilians anyways," Talbot greeted, reaching out a calloused hand to firmly shake Shepard's gloved one.

"Wish we could meet under better circumstances," Shepard remarked.

Talbot gave a humorless chuckle. "You and me both."

"This is Garrus Vakarian and Tali'Zorah vas Normandy," Shepard introduced, waving her arm in the direction of her squadmates.

Talbot raised an eyebrow. "A turian and quarian? Day gets even more interesting by the minute."

Shepard frowned. That was not the reaction she was expecting. "There's not a problem, is there?"

Talbot vigorously shook her head. "No, of course not, Commander. I'm not xenophobic, if that's what you're asking. Believe me, I'll take any help I can get at this point." She shook her head. "We should have all left early on, but my own stubborn pride…I really thought we'd have a better chance here."

"I need to know what happened here. When did the Reapers attack?" Shepard questioned.

Talbot looked around her, seemingly deciding whether or not to have this conversation right in the middle of the room, where the already on-edge colonists could hear. Though there was some chatter in the room, it was not very loud and they could easily be overheard.

Talbot directed Shepard to follow her to a secluded corner of the room. Shepard signaled Garrus and Tali to stay back while she talked to Talbot.

"As I said before, the brunt of the attack came in the last two days, but there have been random attacks on and off for the past week," Talbot said, lowering her voice so only Shepard could hear her.

"Random? It seems when the Reapers want to harvest an area, they keep at it; they don't suddenly stop," Shepard remarked, crossing her arms.

"That's what I thought too, Commander. We haven't seen any actual Reapers, but we've seen plenty of their minions. They must be dropping troops from overhead. They seem to be mostly coming from the forest to the east."

Talbot shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I don't know how much longer we can hold out. We've lost so many already. I'm sure you saw the pile of bodies out in the field. They died about four days, and we haven't even been able to bury them! My husband is…" She suddenly trailed off, her voice catching. "Was an Alliance marine. He died in that same wave, trying to help some of the colonists get under cover, but they didn't make it either." A clear crack had appeared in Talbot's hard shell as her voice wavered and she tried to contain her tears.

"I'm sorry for your loss, it's never easy," Shepard said, unsure of what else to say. You never knew how people would react to others talking about their deceased loved ones. Clearly Shepard herself didn't handle it well.

"I appreciate your sympathy, Commander. Robert loved this colony, Commander, and it was his greatest honor to die trying to keep it safe," Talbot said, regaining control of herself.

"Was he stationed at the Alliance base?" Shepard asked.

"Yes, but this was also his home, Commander. He had been stationed on the SSV Einstein sixteen years ago and was one of the responders to the raid."

For a brief moment, Shepard wondered if he had been the one to save her before turning her attention back to Talbot.

"After the attack, he stayed to help rebuild the colony and build an Alliance outpost to improve Mindoir's chances of never being caught off guard like that again," Talbot continued, shaking her head as if to say it was for nothing.

"So how did you end up here?" Shepard asked.

"The same reason anyone goes out into the Traverse for the adventure, the chance to build a new life. I grew up in the slums on Earth. I had heard about the attack on Mindoir from the vids and decided why the hell come here, see what happened. It had to be better than life on the streets, constantly begging for food or stealing it. So I stowed away on a ship to the Citadel and was able to barter passage to Mindoir." A small smile graced Talbot's lips. "The first day here I met Robert. No matter how all this may turn out, meeting him here was worth anything I may endure in the coming days."

"What about the Alliance personnel stationed here? Someone out by the fountain mentioned there were only a few left."

To Shepard's surprise, a dark look passed over Talbot's face. "There were hardly many personnel here to begin with. Maybe thirty, excluding the retirees. A few weeks ago, they were called away to fill other units low in numbers that were apparently valuable strongholds. I could understand that, but ordering everyone to be pulled out?" Talbot struggled to keep her voice as low as possible despite her growing agitation.

"Robert refused to leave, but only four other men and one woman stayed. Five others! Those other marines had been in Mindoir for years and they abandoned us as if it didn't matter! They followed their orders and doomed us all! Thank God for so many retired marines, else who knows how many other colonists may have died!" Talbot paused to calm herself. "I'm grateful you're here, Commander, not to mention you were once a colonist here, but don't be too surprised if there's no love for Alliance officers right now."

"I haven't had an issue from anyone, but I understand," Shepard reassured her, though an internal struggle raged within her. She knew the Alliance needed every soldier they could to fight in the different theaters of war, but to leave only a handful of soldiers and retired marines to defend a farming colony? That didn't seem right.

Then again, those living in colonies always seemed to have a fractured relationship with the Alliance (as evidenced by that mechanic on Horizon), either viewing them as overbearing or completely useless. Clearly the colonists on Mindoir thought of them as the latter.

"If you don't mind my asking, do you know why did so many retired soldiers come out here?" Shepard asked.

"You'll have to ask them. Each had a different reason. Some, though, I think liked retiring in the same place Commander Shepard was born in, if you can handle the isolation. Though it's certainly not as isolated as it was when I first came here. Before the war, we had some shuttles to Illium, Earth and the Citadel every week," Talbot replied.

"I remember it being hard to get off world. Shuttles only came once a month," Shepard recollected. It had always been a big deal when a new shuttle had arrived in the colony. She remembered her mother promising her that they would go on a trip to Earth, when they could afford it, saying they would have the chance to go soon.

That had been two weeks before the raid.

"We had a bit of a tourism boom too. After everyone thought you had been killed in action, many different species came to visit Mindoir and leave flowers where your old house used to be. If it's still standing, I can take you to the memorial after all this is over," Talbot offered.

"That's kind of you to offer," Shepard said, not wanting to refuse straight out, but not wanting to draw out the conservation lest Garrus overhear that. She would not put it past him to drag her ass to it. Him or Tali.

"Besides Reapers, have you seen any Cerberus troopers in the area?" Shepard asked with urgency.

Talbot shook her head. "I had heard they tried to take over the Citadel. Bastards. And they claim to stand for humanity? Thankfully, no sign of them. Only Reapers have come knocking on our doors."

Shepard frowned. If Cerberus wasn't involved, why would Kai Leng have bothered to say anything? They could have just let Mindoir burn and Shepard would have been none the wiser. A question that would be stored away for later; maybe ask the colonists or marines if they knew anything or saw anything Talbot may have missed.

One final question before Shepard would leave her be. "Has a Lt. Ernesto Zabaleta been back to the colony?"

Talbot's eyes widened. "Ernesto? Yes, he showed up about a month ago. He and Robert were stationed on the Einstein and part of the ground time. Needless to say, he was drawn to the place like Robert was. He was discharged years ago, but he thought he could help Robert train the marines and teach them advanced defense tactics. He's been a great help to me since Robert died."

"Discharged? What happened?" Shepard asked, her curiosity heightened. Talbot shook her head.

"Not my place. If he tells you, that's his choice. He went to try and get the comm systems functioning properly, but…" Talbot trailed off when she spotted someone behind Shepard's shoulder.

"There he is now. Ernesto, Commander Shepard is here!" Talbot called out to the man.

Shepard turned around to greet Zabaleta, but the words caught in her throat the moment she saw him. The man approaching her had deep wrinkles etched into his face that made him look much older than he probably was, his nose was bent out of shape as if someone had been using it as a punching bag, and his eyes were sunken deep into his face, but Shepard would have recognized him anywhere…

_A hand reached out to pull her up from the ground. The marine did not ask if she was hurt, if her family was gone. Instead, with his other hand, he wiped the blood, sweat, and tears from her face and then, still holding tightly onto her hand, he led her wordlessly back to the other marines, disappearing into the crowd of people before Shepard could say thank you._

Well, Garrus got what he wanted. Even if Shepard had wanted to, she could not close herself off and make her past go away. How could she when it was staring her right in the face?

* * *

A/N: Like this latest installment and can't wait for the next chapter? Constructive criticism you wish to offer? I'm personally not completely happy with this chapter, so if you have any critiques, let me know!

Next time: All hell will break loose! As Shepard, Garrus, and Tali help to push back against Reaper forces and buy the colony time, they slowly begin to realize everything is not as it seems…also, Zabaleta's backstory and his recollections of the raids on Mindoir!


	3. -3-

A/N: Thanks to happylilcpck for your review and thanks to those who have subscribed and are continuing to follow my story!

Enjoy this latest installment!

* * *

-3-

If someone had told Shepard that within the span of a day she would lose valuable Prothean data to Cerberus and an entire planet to the Reapers, she would come back to her childhood home, and she would be face to face with the man who saved her from that batarian, she would have told him he had been breathing in too much red sand.

Yet, here they were, an awkward silence hanging between them.

"Margaret said you'd be coming. Wouldn't believe it till I seen it with my own eyes." His voice was gravelly, rough-sounding, just like she had always imagined.

Shepard swallowed nervously a few times, trying to clear the obstructive lump in her throat.

"It's good to see you again, Lieutenant Zabaleta," Shepard finally said, extending her hand. Zabaleta stared at her hand for a moment before accepting the handshake. Shepard could feel the questioning gazes of Garrus and Tali boring into her back.

Zabaleta scoffed at her greeting. "Former lieutenant, Shepard. Honorable discharge. Didn't give a shit what would become of me. Twenty years of service and treated like a fucking thorn in their side." He sighed, seemingly snapping out of his rant. "Never mind. Irrelevant if we don't fix the comm tower and get shuttles out of here. Which we should have done a week ago," he said, casting accusatory eyes in Talbot's direction.

"Keep your voice down, Ernesto! The colonists are on edge as it is. They don't need to hear that," Talbot retorted, glancing anxiously over at the colonists.

Zabaleta raised an eyebrow. "Why not? Shouldn't they hear who's responsible for putting their lives in danger?"

Shepard snuck a quick look at Garrus and Tali, who looked to be thinking the same thing she was: if there was such tension between Zabaleta and Talbot, how could he have been as much help as Talbot just claimed?

"I thought it was for the best, Ernesto. How many more would have died if we had gone out into Reaper territory in shuttles? What weapons would we have? Sacrificing the weakest among us as projectiles?" Talbot questioned, sarcasm dripping from the words.

"That's not why you did it, Margaret. Don't bother hiding behind that bullshit excuse in front of me!"

"What else do you want me to say? What's done is done," Talbot said firmly, eyes flashing in barely restrained anger.

Shepard chanced a quick glance over at the colonists, the majority of whose heads were focused in their direction. They were clearly witnessing this heated exchange, and honestly, it was hard not to. Shepard could see the growing tension creeping onto their faces. One mother clutched her child to her breast, running a soothing hand through his black as night hair. A few men were gathered round a table playing cards, but their lack of movement gave away their inattention to the game. Her razor-sharp gaze focused on a man resting against a wall, taking in the whole conversation. When their eyes locked, Shepard had to stop herself from recoiling at the hatred literally etched onto the man's face as he glowered at her.

Well, there was the resentment towards Alliance marines Talbot had mentioned.

Deciding she had better stop this argument before it got out of hand, Shepard stepped in between the two.

"I know this has been difficult for the both of you, but arguing over fault will not get us anywhere. Save it for after we're all safe and left the colony.

"And Talbot's right. The colonists don't need to see you two divided, not at a time when they are looking for strong and unified leadership. If you both care about the fate of these colonists, don't waste their time fighting about them. Help them," Shepard said firmly, fixing both of them with a disapproving stare, but Zabaleta's frosty gaze and firm frown planted on his face looked anything but open to that advice.

"Shepard is right, Ernesto. We need to work together on this. Can we focus on saving the colonists?" Talbot asked, the anger in her voice dissipating, but her stance still defensive, in case Zabaleta wanted to continue the argument.

Zabaleta sighed in frustration. "Fine. I need to go talk to Thomas about possible solutions to fix the tower. Come find me in the common area if you need me." Zabaleta turned on his heel and walked off without another word.

"I apologize for him, Commander. He's not always like this. Seeing all this destruction, so many colonists killed… it hasn't been easy for him," Talbot said as she watched Zabaleta's departure up the stairs.

"He's not the only one," Shepard muttered under her breath.

"What was that, Commander?"

"Nothing. Is there anything in the Alliance base that could be salvaged?" Shepard asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Not much. Most of the building was torn apart in the first wave. Anything of use was taken out and moved here," Talbot commented.

"How often do the waves come and go?"

"About once every two or three hours. They're bleeding us dry, Commander. We cannot keep this up much longer. We have to get them out," Talbot said, determination flaring in her aqua-marine eyes.

"I promise you, we'll get everyone out before the next wave hits. We just need to fix the comm systems and I can contact the Normandy. Do you have any shuttles at all?"

Talbot shook her head. "Only one or two. We had more, but…" she trailed off, not needing to say it.

"You didn't want to evacuate some and leave others behind," Shepard finished.

Talbot nodded slowly. She uttered a sigh that seemed to shake the frame of her usually rigid body. "I would not even want to imagine the consequences of such a decision."

"Is there anything you need from me?" Shepard offered.

"Perhaps help Ernesto get the comm tower online again. Even if it is only for a few minutes. Also, if you have time, talking with the colonists and the soldiers would help boast their morale. God knows we probably need that more than bullets. Speaking of which, how bad was it out there? Are there still marines out there?"

Shepard nodded. "They're holding, but for how long, who can say?"

"I'd better go and check on their status. Thankfully our internal comm system still works. If you'll excuse me." Talbot brushed past Shepard, almost knocking into her shoulder, heading in the same direction as Zabaleta.

"Well, that was friendly," Garrus said when Talbot was out of hearshot.

Shepard frowned. "She has been through a lot, Garrus. Everyone has."

"I wonder if Liara found out anything more about Zabaleta. He seems awfully bitter about how the Alliance treated him," Tali commented.

"What part did you figure that out? The "they don't give a shit about twenty years of service part" or "he was a thorn in their side" part?" Garrus asked.

"Lay off him, Garrus," Shepard replied, her eyes slightly narrowing. Zabaleta seemed like a hard-ass, but he had saved her life. That counted for something.

Garrus's own eyes widened as he took in the serious expression on her face. "Sorry, Shepard, I just…something about him rubs me the wrong way, is all. Speaking of which, what was all that about? I thought you didn't know who he was."

"I didn't think so either. He…" Shepard paused. She didn't want to say anything, but she didn't want a repeat of what happened coming into the colony and she didn't see any other way out of the admission. "He saved me from being shot by a batarian as I was fleeing the colony."

"You never got his name?" Tali asked.

Shepard shook her head. "No. He didn't say a single word to me. He escorted me to the other marines and ran off. I never saw him again until today." Shepard emitted a bitter chuckle. "Fate sure has a sense of humor."

"The whole situation seems strange. Why would the Alliance pull all personnel out of the colony and leave the colonists to fend for themselves? Cerberus must be involved somehow," Tali remarked, her eyes glowing in contemplation.

"Kai Leng wouldn't have bothered to send that message otherwise," Garrus concurred.

"I agree, but until we know what's going on, we help the colonists as best we can. Tali, maybe you can help Zabaleta get the comm systems functioning. And Garrus, once we find out if another wave is coming, help the marines with strategy and I can help with the civilians. But first let's go have a chat with Zabaleta, find out why there's so much tension between the two of them."

Of course, that wasn't the only reason Shepard wanted to talk to him.

"Hard to imagine Zabaleta's any help to Talbot with all that infighting. It's just as bad as seeing the other admirals fight about the geth," Tali chimed in, her filtered voice quivering with emotion.

"At the very least it gives Shepard an excuse to yell some sense into them. Yelling at people has practically become part of her arsenal," Garrus said, mandibles flaring in a smirk.

"It's not as easy as it looks, and you should learn to quit while you're ahead, Vakarian," Shepard replied, shooting him an un-amused glare.

Garrus shot her a grin right back. "Why? So I can deny you classic lines such as savoring the last shot before popping the heatsink? Never!"

Shepard continued to glare at him, but her twitching lips gave away her amusement as she remembered that horribly timed metaphor.

Shepard could even hear Tali biting back snickering.

"Alright, alright, laugh it up both of you. Let's go and talk to Zabaleta," Shepard said, turning to make her way to the second floor, but she was stopped by a turian hand squeezing her left shoulder.

"Before we go anywhere, are you sure you're alright?" Garrus asked, his voice laced with concern, the smirk from his face quickly fading.

"I've never seen you freeze on us for that long," Tali added, the growing worry in her voice just as apparent as in Garrus's.

Shepard nodded. "I'm better now. It was just a shock." She covered her hand over Garrus's. "I shouldn't have snapped at you, Garrus. Either time."

Garrus shook his head, removing his hand. "I shouldn't have pushed you. That's not what you needed." He fixed Shepard with a searing gaze. "But I care about you too much to see you shouldering all of this by yourself."

"I know and I appreciate your concern, from both of you. It's just…not something I like to talk about," Shepard admitted. "And I appreciate having you both at my six."

"Always, Shepard," Tali proclaimed, reaching over to grab Shepard's hand and give it a gentle squeeze.

"Well, you did give me some incentive."

Shepard shook her head, this time unable to hide her grin. "Shall we go and have a chat with the former lieutenant?" Shepard asked.

"Right behind you, Shepard," Garrus replied.

As they turned towards the stairs to the second floor, Shepard took another look over at the colonists, who had gone back to hushed whispers of conversations, only shooting her occasional, curious glances. As she stared at them, she briefly wondered if the endless waiting was almost worse than what she experienced.

The colonists of the raid had little time to process what was happening, little time to come to terms with their deaths. At least it was quick. They did not have to agonize over regrets, experience the uncertainty of whether they would live or die.

Well, at least the ones who just got a bullet in the head. The ones who had brain nodes implanted and those who literally melted away were probably not so lucky.

* * *

"It can't be done, sir. The transponder's completely shot. We're screwed without it!"

"Pull yourself together, Thomas. Unless you want the Reapers to use your torn corpse as a husk trooper, I suggest you go back up to the tower, bring the rest of the technicians with you and fucking fix it! No excuses!"

This was the conversation Shepard, Garrus and Tali were greeted to when they arrived on the second floor and followed the raised voices at the end of it. Zabaleta was hovering over a number of holopads, while fixing a nervous colonist with a cold stare.

"He and Tarak would have gotten along so well," Garrus murmured into Shepard's ear. She ignored the comment, not wanting to compare Zabaleta to the batarian who had almost succeeded in taking Garrus away from her.

Zabaleta turned towards the trio at the sound of their approach. "Hello, Commander Shepard. Margaret send you up here?" Zabaleta asked, reaching in his pocket for a cigarette and lighter.

"She asked for our help, but she didn't send us up here if that's what you're asking. One of my squadmates could help your technicians repair the tower," Shepard offered, gesturing towards Tali.

"We'd be grateful for the help, Commander," Thomas thanked, shooting her a relieved smile.

Zabaleta did not reply at once, did not express his immediate gratitude at the offer. Instead, he gave a curt nod as he lit up his cigarette and pocketed the lighter.

"Thomas, take her up with you to the tower. Get it fixed," he barked.

As Tali passed her by, Shepard could have sworn she heard Tali utter "Bosh'tet" under her breath. After the two departed, Zabaleta took a long drag from his cigarette, blowing the smoke liberally into the air.

"God damn waste of talent, that kid," he muttered under his breath.

"Snapping at him like that might not be the best way to motivate him," Shepard said. She could never imagine treating her crew like that on a regular basis. Not to say she didn't get frustrated (sniping at Garrus, for one), but she valued the opinions of her crew and saw them as equals. Something told Shepard that this display she witnessed was a common occurrence.

"They're scared shitless, Shepard. Reminding them of the price of failure is their motivator.

"But criticizing me and offering the quarian's help aren't the only things you came up here for." Zabaleta certainly didn't miss much, it seemed.

"You said to come to you if I needed something…"

"A courtesy only. I'm a busy man, but…" Zabaleta paused, a meditative look passing his face. "You did help the marines out there. What do you wish to know?"

As Shepard stared at this war-torn and hardened man, she could not help wondering if Talbot was right, if this small glimpse of empathy was how he actually was or whether this was actually a rarity. How much of what they had seen between Zabaleta and Talbot was normal?

How much had Mindoir impacted him?

"Talbot said you came back a month ago. What made you come back?" Shepard asked.

"Heard about the increased Reaper activity in the Traverse from people who had left Mindoir a month prior. Nothing had happened, but many people have isolated colonies like Mindoir for their peace of mind." Zabaleta did not bother hiding the growing sneer on his face, the hard exterior washing over him again. "But safety is an illusion. Nowhere is safe."

"So you decided to come back and help train the marines," Shepard continued for him.

"Yeah, the colonists put me in contact with Robert. Hadn't seen or talked to him in years. Always liked Robert. He was a good man, tried to help me just after I was discharged, but then we lost contact with each other. I told him I was willing to help set-up defense plans and give tactical advice. Unofficially, you understand.

"He called in a few favors to have me travel on an Alliance supply ship from the Citadel to the colony. The last supply ship that came to the colony before the active marines pulled out."

Zabaleta walked over to the counter, grabbing a glass and alcohol bottle, pouring himself a healthy glass, the brown liquid almost floating at the top of it. His cigarette rested between his pointer and middle finger. Shepard was immediately reminded of the Illusive Man. Not a comparison she needed right then.

"So you were on active duty for twenty years?"

Zabaleta took a large swig from his drink, setting it down on the table with a large _clank_.

"Ask what you really want to know, Shepard. Why was I discharged after such a long career?"

"You assume I'm interested in that. Maybe I'm genuinely interested in your service record, you don't know," Shepard said, crossing her arms and tapping one of her right fingers on her left arm.

"But the discharge is part of that service record." Zabaleta blew out an irritated sigh. "Fine. Short version, parents and grandfather were in the Alliance. Joined when I was twenty-one. Been stationed on freighters, colony bases, even Earth."

He picked up his glass again and waved it around as he continued talking, some of it spilling over the glass and onto the floor. "And the discharge: drinking while on duty, being disruptive, disrespecting the chain of command, failure to conduct myself in a manner befitting an Alliance officer. Been living in the Wards for six years on pensions, inheritances from the folks, and hand-outs. Satisfied your curiosity enough, Shepard?" he asked, placing his glass down again so he could take a puff from his lit cigarette.

Sensing the growing hostility in his voice and that she would not get anywhere else with him, Shepard dropped the issue. There were other ways of finding out more background information. Being friends with one of the most powerful information brokers in the galaxy, for one.

"You mentioned to Talbot that you should have left a week ago?" Shepard asked calmly, waving away the strong incoming smoke from his cigarette.

"Yeah. We picked up Reaper activity and a Reaper orbiting the planet. I told Margaret we needed to leave, but she refused. Said we'd be better off sitting tight, fighting them off. Robert agreed, said it was too much of a risk to leave Mindoir without a proper ship, but I suspect she talked him into it. She always managed to convince him to do things her way," Zabaleta replied, not even bothering to hide the disgust creeping into his voice.

"She seemed willing to admit she was wrong," Shepard remarked.

"When it's too god-damn late and her husband has paid the price for her foolishness! I should've put colonists in shuttles myself. But the colonists don't trust me. Only follow the Talbots."

"Do you like Talbot at all?" Shepard asked.

Zabaleta snorted. "Doesn't really matter much if I like her or not. We're stuck together until we leave the colony."

"But you obviously don't think highly of her," Shepard pointed out, gaze locked onto Zabaleta.

"She's from the slums. Dealt with enough street rats back on Earth to know they're all the same. A few years of colony life won't change that, won't take away the recklessness. Only reason she's the so-called governess is because of marrying Robert." Zabaleta took another long puff, inhaling deeply as he did so, letting the smoke fully enter his lungs.

The next sentence was out of her mouth before Shepard could stop it. "Talbot said you and him were stationed on the SSV Einstein together."

A dark look passed over Zabaleta's face, shadows creeping over the deep lines in his face. "We were one of the first ones down during the raid. But what does that matter to you?"

Shepard didn't have an answer. In the grand scheme of things, it really didn't matter now. The colonists were long dead and the colony itself was rebuilt after its destruction sixteen years ago. Shepard had buried everything but the bodies.

Despite all that, it still mattered. Even after she thought she had moved on, it still mattered.

Apparently Zabaleta could read the pensive look on her face. "I've spent sixteen years of my life trying to forget what happened here, in a colony that wasn't even my home, to people I didn't even know. I am haunted by the screams of those who had brain nodes implanted into their skulls by those bastards. The cries of a little girl as she watched her parents' heads explode have echoed in my ears. I can see the hands of those caged like animals reaching out to us, those blocked by batarian defenses. Unable to do a god damn thing. Could you say the same, Commander Jane Shepard?"

Shepard heard the low growl coming from Garrus. If Zabaleta didn't watch it, he would soon find out what a sparring match with a turian was like.

Shepard sent Zabaleta an icy stare, ignoring the growing queasiness in the pit of her stomach. "You don't know me, Zabaleta. What makes you think I have forgotten anything about that day? About my parents?" she questioned, her voice rising despite her attempts to keep calm. Despite the images of her parents flashing before her eyes, of her mother yelling at her to run, her father swiping at a batarian attacking her mother

"True, I don't know you. All I knew of you was a scared teenage girl running for her life. But your achievements speak for themselves. You've been able to make a name and new life for yourself, rising to become the galaxy's savior.

"And me? I saved your ass, stayed to help rebuild, continued to serve the Alliance which I had begun to lose faith in after the raid, and what do I get?" Zabaleta took the half-empty glass and threw it violently against the wall, the alcohol flowing down the wall like a waterfall. Shepard felt Garrus inch closer to her, as if wanting to protect her from any sudden moves on Zabaleta's part.

"A fucking discharge!" he continued. "They didn't care about how I was forced to watch the atrocities committed to those colonists and couldn't do a damn thing to stop them. They didn't care about the nightmares. They didn't care I was a third-generation marine. No, all they cared about were those citations in my performance record, but what else did they expect?" Zabaleta spit out, the vitriolic words practically spewing from him.

"I'm really sorry you've suffered, but choosing to move on with my life is not a fault," Shepard argued.

"Only if you don't forget the things that made you who you are. Could you honestly say you would be where you are without the raids, Commander?"

"That is beside the point," Shepard shot back.

"The fact remains, Shepard, I checked on Mindoir before a Reaper attack, despite being a so-called vagrant and drunken low-life on the Citadel for six years. If you hadn't found the distress signal, would you, the galaxy's paragon, have come back?"

Shepard felt her face go pale and her breathing stagger as the weight of Zabaleta's question fully hit her. She hadn't even given a single thought to Mindoir since the Reapers hit Earth, hadn't made a request to Hackett for marines to check on and reinforce colony defenses. Had she just been so focused on uniting the galaxy and fixing the problems of the different races? Or did she truly want to forget about Mindoir?

Garrus thankfully saved her from having to answer that question by stepping forward and pulling on her arm. "We should go and find Talbot, see what the status of the troops is."

Shepard weakly nodded before saying to Zabaleta, "we'll get out of your way. Send Tali back to me when your technicians no longer need her."

Zabaleta took another drag from his cigarette before casually tossing it on the floor and crushing it under the heel of his shoe. "Getting a stronger reading on one of the datapads. They're making progress."

Shepard began to turn back down the hallway, but stopped mid-step.

"I didn't get the chance to say this before, but thank you for saving my life that day."

Zabaleta stared off at the wall in front of him, his expression completely blank. "Just make sure it was worth it, Shepard. For these colonists…and for the Reapers."

Shepard numbly felt Garrus guide her away from Zabaleta, ducking into another room much further down the hallway, the door shutting behind them. Garrus lowered themselves behind a pile of crates to provide a greater sense of privacy.

"Are you alright, Shepard?"

Shepard didn't answer, instead keeping her eyes focused on the floor below her.

"He shouldn't have said any of that to you. He acted like you don't even care," Garrus growled, fire in his eyes.

"But he's right, Garrus. I haven't thought about Mindoir at all. I would have let it burn. Just like Thessia," Shepard whispered, burying her head in her hands.

"There's no way for you to have known this would happen. You can't be expected to do everything, Shepard," Garrus reasoned, reaching up and running his gloved talons through her loose hair while gently scratching her scalp the way she liked.

"But I should have done something," Shepard said, tears prickling at her eyes.

"You _are _doing something. You are going to get these colonists out of here. With the help of your shot-gun crazed quarian and your stylish turian."

Shepard didn't have the heart to laugh like she normally would have. She rested her head on Garrus's shoulder for a brief moment, closing her eyes and trying to contain her trembling lip. She breathed in and cherished the feeling of him running his talons through her hair.

She could just feel all this ripping the strength from her. Garrus was right. She had limits, and she had peaked a few hours before when she almost tumbled to through the floor to her death on Thessia.

"I know what you are thinking and you are not heartless. You are anything but. Who else would have tried to talk down Saren or stood up to Zaeed and risk his loyalty to save a few factory workers? Who else would have stepped between me and Sidonis just to force me to listen to what he had to say? Who else looks after her crew and puts their concerns above her own?" he asked quietly, the flanging in his voice growing more prominent with each sentence.

Shepard still refused to meet his gaze. She knew he was right, but she just couldn't shake the gut-wrenching feeling that all of this could have been avoided if she had taken the time to check on the colony. She raised her head from his shoulder and stood back up, back turned towards him.

"But this was my home, Garrus. I am no longer a defenseless colonist. I am a commander, I have resources! I'm leading the war effort against the Reapers. I could get anything I asked for! Yet I couldn't even be bothered to check on these people," Shepard said, the words choking in her throat.

She shook her head, turning to finally face Garrus, getting enough of a grip on herself to focus. "We should go and find Talbot."

Shepard sensed Garrus knew nothing he would say would convince her, but he wasn't a stubborn turian for nothing.

Garrus stood up from the floor, standing in front of her, fixing her with a determined gaze.

"Remember what you told me when I finally heard from my father and thought the worst? We're in this together. Don't shut me out, Jane. Let me help you shoulder some of this."

Shepard closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose at the growing, pulsing headache radiating from the center of her forehead. She could feel her resistance waning, frustration from on the field disappearing, and she didn't want her defensiveness to lead them into another argument. Not now.

"Garrus, I…"

Suddenly, her omni-tool lit up and beeped, signaling an incoming message. Tali and the others must have gotten the comms working.

"Shepard, are you there?" Instead of Cortez, Joker's face appeared on the video screen hovering over her omnitool.

"I'm here, Joker. What's wrong?"

"We've got a problem." Joker paused as his eyes fluttered across the different flashing consoles on his dashboard. "We may or may not have attracted a very pissed-off Reaper and had to hop out."

"That's going to complicate things," Garrus muttered.

"Completely aware of that, Garrus, thanks for pointing that out," Joker replied sarcastically.

"How long do you think you need to wait?" Shepard asked.

"About two hours. I'll just land close to the colony, figured that would make things easier than having Cortez come down. As long as, you know, the big-ass Reaper doesn't follow us down. How is it down there?"

"Bad, but we'll manage. Communication is bad, so don't panic if you can't reach us," Shepard warned.

"Nothing we haven't gone through before, Commander, I know the drill."

"Stay safe, Joker," Just as Shepard prepared to disconnect, she heard someone cry out in the background.

"Shepard, wait, don't sign off yet!"

From seemingly nowhere, Liara sprinted up next to Joker's seat, forcefully knocking into the back of it, almost causing Joker to head-crash into the console in front of him.

"Nice to see you too, Liara," Joker wheezed, straightening himself.

Liara ignored the comment, her attention completely focused on Shepard.

"Shepard, have you found Zabaleta? Is he there on Mindoir?" Liara asked breathlessly.

"He came here a month ago to help defend the colony. Why?"

"Is he as crazy as Liara has been telling us? And not the good crazy, might I add," Joker chimed in.

"Extremely bitter and haunted more like, but what are you talking about? Crazy how?" Shepard asked, urgency rising in her voice.

"Like old Jack triple that."

"This isn't the time, Joker! Listen, Jane, whatever he says, don't trust him. He's been suffering from extreme, untreated post- traumatic stress disorder and he despises the Alliance."

"We kind of figured that out on our own, Liara. Hard to miss him ranting about being discharged," Garrus added.

Shepard's head shot up towards the closed door at what she thought had been the sound of footsteps. She hoped it was sound-proof enough in there and that that wasn't Zabaleta walking by.

"But that's not all, Garrus. That letter I told you about was sent after he came back to Mindoir and after the troops pulled out. I found the reply to it by an Alliance officer in charge of the unit most of the Mindoir marines were assigned to, and the reply he received may have pushed him over the edge."

"Are you saying he's a threat to the colonists?" Say what you wanted about Zabaleta's likeability, he did seem to care about what happened to the colonists. Not to mention how haunted he seemed by the events of the raid.

"I found transmissions sent a week ago from the colony to a base in…Sea cluster…it…be." The video feed began to waver in and out.

"Liara, are you still there? I didn't catch that," Shepard called out to the asari.

Just as Liara's and Joker's face came into focus, terrified screams and an explosion that seemed to shake the entire compound emanated from beneath them on the first floor.

As quickly as the video feed came back, it disappeared, the screen turning completely black, but not before Shepard heard Liara say one word:

Cerberus.

* * *

A/N: Cliffhanger! Same as last time, like it? Hate it? Let me know!


	4. -4-

A/N: Apologies for the delayed update. Writer's block would not let up (wish I could say Leviathan distracted me). Hopefully I'll have more updates than once a month. Thanks again to all you have reviewed, favorited, or are following this story, it really means a lot to me!

* * *

-4-

Shepard remembered the first time she had seen a Thresher Maw on Akuze. To this day, the tremors beneath her feet at its resounding approach, the surprised screams of the unlucky marines who had been directly underneath it when it decided to pop up from the ground. were seared into her memory. She clearly remembered its tentacles flailing in the air, shooting corrosive acid spit at the marines as if it was ammunition. This time, there were no killer Maws, but the tremors and terrified screams of the colonists trying to escape the Reaper troopers certainly mirrored Akuze.

Not what she wanted to be reminded of, on top of everything else. Hell, at the rate her day was going, she wouldn't be surprised if a Thresher Maw suddenly poked its head out from the ground and devoured the colony.

"Shepard! Commander Shepard! The colonists are under attack!" Talbot's voice rang out in the hall.

Shepard pushed away any lingering fears and doubts, assuming the role of the confident and fearless commander she was known to be. She rushed over to the door, slamming her hand on the green circle in the center of the door.

Colonists rushed past her in a frantic attempt to get as far away from the attack as possible. Talbot stood just outside the door, heavy pistol drawn, directing the colonists to a large mess hall down the hallway.

"What the hell happened?" Shepard demanded urgently, reaching for her own pistol.

"The marines are over-run and the Reapers punched through the wall, that's what happened!" Zabaleta had come sprinting from down the hall, shotgun in hand.

"We've got to get the rest of the colonists up here now!" Talbot cried, already rushing towards the stairs.

Shepard, Garrus and Zabaleta followed her retreating form, dashing down the stairs, the chaotic scene revealing itself before them.

Shepard saw the big gaping hole in the wall, a large flesh wound to what had been an unscathed building. Mostly husks flowed through, running around looking for fresh victims to latch onto. Many colonists were running towards the four of them, towards the stairs to the upper level. A lone marine stood near the wall, trying to provide cover for the colonists. The bodies of the few who had been unable to escape the surprise of the blast, the surprise of the wave, littered the floor.

Garrus unlatched his Viper, choosing to travel back up the stairs to get better line of sight. Shepard shot at two husks nearby, the cryo-ammo freezing them perfectly in place before they leaned towards the floor and shattered like glass on impact.

Talbot stood at the foot of the stairs, directing the fleeing colonists to safety while Zabaleta jumped into the fray, firing his shotgun with methodic, precise shots Shepard would not have expected from someone who had been drinking or had been out of active combat for six or more years. What surprised Shepard was the eerily calm focus on his face, a sharp contrast to the anger outbursts she had just witnessed only a few minutes before.

This was the face of a trained killer.

Could he be capable of such deception, showing such concern for the colonists when he was practically signing their death warrants working for Cerberus?

He may have cared about the colonists, but it didn't mean he wouldn't be above doing whatever it took. Udina was living proof of that.

Talbot's surprised cry drew Shepard out of her thoughts in time to see a husk lung at Talbot. It grabbed her around her neck, its metallic hands clinching her tightly in its hold. Shepard moved to wrench it off her, but Talbot meleed the husk in the head to stun it. The husk stumbled to the floor and Talbot finished it off with two shots at point-blank range.

"Shepard, at the far end," Garrus called down to her. Two figures were pinned to the wall, blocked by an approaching husk.

Apparently Zabaleta saw them too, but he was preoccupied with keeping a marauder from reaching the stairs. But that didn't stop him from firing booming shots at the husk, but they only managed to falter its steps. Its attention still lay solely on the boy and mother.

Zabaleta's resounding curse forced Shepard into action. She sprinted with all her might towards the husk. As she got closer, she noticed a fallen figure beside the mother and boy, moaning and clutching his bleeding side. He looked dazed and his face was scrunched in pain. She saw the intense fear in the woman's eyes (even from somewhat a distance), clutching her son to her chest in an attempt to protect him. The boy looked frightened, but there was also a sense of calm about him.

Almost like he accepted what was about to happen. So much like that little boy in Vancouver, when he had told her in a mixed tone of fear and acceptance that she couldn't help him…

Pushing forward, Shepard leapt from the ground and slammed right into the husk. She struggled to keep the husk pinned to the floor, as it thrashed its arms around wildly in an attempt to break free. She prepared her omniblade to bring the final blow in its chest, but a sudden swipe to her head sent her toppling to the floor and her vision blurring.

As she shakily raised herself up, she vaguely heard someone call out her name, someone scream in pure terror, the resounding shots close by her. But she found herself hypnotized by the marauder's glowing eyes, its raised talons as it prepared to strike again…

_Marauder Garrus leered at her hungrily, without any of the warmth she had seen swirling his eyes so many times before. He was eying her as nothing more than the perfect prey, ripe for the taking. His metallic talons glinted in the light, blinding her. She was unable to watch the descent of his talons towards her chest…_

Shepard blindly felt for her dropped pistol, tightly grasping it in her hand. "No! You will never turn him! Not while I breathe!" Shepard growled, firing in-between the marauder's eyes. It screeched in pain, clawing at the flames in an attempt to put them out, but that moment of distraction cost it as bullets pelted its body.

Shaking off the remaining blurriness, Shepard raised herself off the floor and rushed over to the frozen mother and her son.

"Are you both alright?" Shepard asked as gently as she could manage. As she approached the two, she studied the woman more closely. The woman had a round yet taunt face, deep circles under her eyes, most likely a result from the strain of the last week, oval caramel eyes, and strands of oily raven hair that had escaped the confines of her ponytail.

A striking face, one Shepard felt she had seen before.

A drawn-out groan caught her attention, as two more husks moved in. Shepard shot an incinerate blast in their direction. They ran around in circles, trying to combat the flames, but eventually crumpled to the ground. Shepard had her pistol raised in case more appeared from nowhere (as husks had the tendency to do), but thankfully, despite the damage it had done, the wave inside the compound had been smaller than she expected and manageable to contain.

She turned back to the woman, who was clutching her son to her in a vice-grip, her eyes wide with terror.

"It's ok now," Shepard reassured to her, trying to calm her down. "Are you both alright?" she tried again.

"We…" the woman's small voice broke, as she tried to compose herself, fully take in the fact she and her son were still alive.

Shepard laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, rubbing small circles on it.

"We're alright." The woman did not fight the tears burgeoning to escape, but she regained enough control to talk. "I thought…I'd never see you again, Jane. Papa…always thought …the worst of you, especially for not…coming back, but I never believed it."

Shepard lifted her hand from the woman's shoulder, trying to keep the shock from her face. She glanced down at the boy, who was staring at her with a mix of curiosity and awe.

The woman did not notice Shepard's expression. "I helped push for your likeness to be on the colony's seal. Papa didn't approve, but I felt it was a good way to honor you. You were always so nice to me," the woman continued, her voice becoming firmer.

Shepard tried to find the words, that she didn't know who this person was, but they wouldn't leave her throat. She had to remember. Had she blocked everything out from her old life?

"Alice…don't talk…to her," a raspy voice emanated from the floor.

Shepard glanced down at the fallen man. Upon closer inspection, she recognized the icy glare. The glaring man from earlier. Strange, he now looked familiar too.

"Hush, Papa, you're hurt," Alice admonished gently.

"I said…don't talk…" He gave way to a coughing fit, crimson blood spewing from his lungs. Once the fit passed, he turned his venomous gaze onto Shepard and spat blood in her direction.

"First you…corrupt my son…then my daughter…even after you left…you never cared about Mindoir…" he choked, clutching his side, the blood spilling between his fingers.

Corrupting his son and daughter…

_Shepard lay out on the cool, springy grass, counting the different types of clouds as they rolled by. Her friend, Bran, sat next to her, looking out at the surrounding valley, wondering out loud to Shepard whether there was a life for him outside the colony. Shepard told him his life could be whatever and wherever he wished it to be, no matter what his father said. Meanwhile, she could not help but notice how handsome he looked when the sun reflected off him just so, the way he bit his lip when deep in thought, the tiny beads of sweat on his forehead._

_The words were there. She wanted to say them. She wanted to say how much she had come to care for him, but she was too afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid he wouldn't feel the same._

_Bran looked like he had something to say too, but the childish giggles of an eight year old distracted him. His sister Alice begged Bran and Shepard, who she called Janie, to roll down the hill with her, wide-eyed and pleading. Bran told her to leave them alone, that rolling down a hill was childish, but Shepard agreed. She was an only child and never got to experience playing or taking care of a younger sibling, especially one as likeable as Alice._

_On the count of three, Shepard and Alice rolled down the hill, picking up speed as they went, grass shards flying into their hair. They couldn't stop laughing until they reached the bottom, where Alice challenged Shepard to a race up the hill. Shepard trailed behind on purpose, watching Alice's carefully braided pigtails bounce in the wind._

_A loud shout echoed across the field. Bran jumped to his feet and Alice quieted down at their father's approach, who sent Shepard a glare that made her so uncomfortable she eventually had to turn away. All the while, he ranted his disapproval at finding his son in Shepard's company, and leading his sister there. Shepard, the daughter of newcomers, not one of them…_

With all Reaper forces killed, Talbot, Zabaleta and Garrus approached the group. Talbot took one look at the glaring man, who Shepard now recognized as William Barnes (a much more grey-haired and critically wounded Barnes), before turning to Alice.

"I'll get Dr. Chindra and a stretcher for him, Alice, don't worry," Talbot reassured, launching her omnitool to provide medigel for him.

Alice's little boy placed a tiny hand on his grandfather's uncurled hand, squeezing it in silent comfort. Barnes grimaced and squeezed back.

Zabaleta turned to Shepard. "Shepard, help the marines then bring what's left of them back here to regroup."

Shepard did not want to leave the colonists in Zabaleta's care. If he was connected to Cerberus in some way, he should be kept as far away as possible. But until they had solid proof and they were no longer under threat from being mauled to death by husks, they could do little else.

"Understood," Shepard replied. She rubbed the back of her head, wincing at any sudden application of pressure. She grimaced at the sight of the sticky blood coating her gloved fingers.

"You're getting checked out once we're done here, Shepard," Garrus said, already raising his omnitool for the medigel on her wounds.

Shepard chose to stay silent at the comment, knowing that if she said anything to the contrary, he would immediately call her out on it.

"We'll be back." Talbot nodded in understanding before walking away with Zabaleta, presumably to summon the doctor.

Alice reached out to grab Shepard's gloved hand in hers. "If you can, come see me later, Jane," she whispered.

Shepard squeezed back. "I'll try, Alice."

Alice gave her a watery smile before letting go and seeing to her father.

Shepard motioned for Garrus to follow her. "We need to get what's left of the marines in here, then figure out what's going on," Shepard murmured as they climbed through the hole, taking care not to step carelessly on human or Reaper corpses. She tried not to flinch at the sight of the fallen bodies on such familiar ground.

"Are you sure that's wise, Shepard? All we're doing is rounding them all up in one place to make it easier on him," Garrus said.

"We don't know for sure what's going on, Garrus. Liara didn't say specifically those transmissions came from Zabaleta," Shepard replied, not believing her own words. Shepard heard the sporadic gunfire and panicked yells of those pinned down by cannibals close by. Those marines needed help immediately if they were going to have a chance.

"Maybe, but Liara seemed certain and the circumstantial evidence alone," Garrus reasoned, raising his omnitool and setting off a proximity mine at one of the cannibals. That certainly caught its attention. Growling, it raised its gun attached to its arm. Shepard pulled Garrus out of its line of fire and ducked behind a wall. The spot where Garrus had been standing now had a lovely scorch mark in the middle of it.

"I know, but we both know we need more evidence, find out what we're actually dealing with," Shepard said, taking out her Widow, fighting to contain the grimace on her face from the pain radiating from her injured shoulder. The Widow was difficult to hold on better days, but when injured, it was near impossible.

Just as she had her target lined up in her scope, she heard Garrus cry, "Shepard, on the roof! Look!"

Shepard lowered her Widow and chance a quick glance up at the direction Garrus was pointing. A banshee and husks were on the roof. There only looked to be two figures fighting back against them, one of whom was brought to her knees by a biotic blast.

"Tali!"

"Help her, Shepard, I'll help the others!"

Shepard wished him luck, running back towards the compound and scanning for a way to the roof through the outside. It would take too long to go through the entrance from the inside and she couldn't take any chances.

Looking over towards the side of the building, there was a ladder that still seemed fairly intact. Shepard hoisted herself onto it, sprinting as fast as possible with the heavy weapons strapped to her back. However, the further she climbed, the more the ladder seemed to buckle underneath her. Shepard hurried her pace, jumping to grab the edge of the roof just as she felt the ladder give way and detach itself from the wall, crashing to the ground in a large heap.

Shepard took in the sight in front of her. Tali's drone had exploded just as she lifted herself onto the roof and slowed the husks' approach. The encompassing ball of flame from Shepard's omnitool caught the attention of the banshee.

It let out a shrill scream in Shepard's direction and began to slowly advance on her. There wasn't much maneuvering room. This would all have to be timed perfectly.

Shepard leapt under a nearby crate, just as the banshee released a biotic wave her way. Shepard then heard the sound of a shotgun fire and knew Tali was still in the fight.

"Activate Chiktikka again on my signal, Tali!" Shepard ordered her quarian squadmate, readying herself to activate her tactical cloak.

"You got it, Shepard!" Tali called back to her.

Unstrapping her Widow, she bolted from cover and ran to the other side of the roof to get a clearer shot. The banshee fired yet another biotic wave, letting out a shrill shriek that echoed in the air. The blast almost knocked Shepard off her feet and damaged her shielding, but it was a small price to pay to get in position.

"Now, Tali!"

Shepard activated her cloak, just as Tali triggered her drone. Getting down on one knee, Shepard shakily raised the Widow and lined the banshee's bloated stomach in her scope. It took all her energy to keep the rifle steady.

The bullet released from the sniper rifle with a resounding *bang*, the momentum faltering the banshee's assault and pulling her back as if attached to invisible strings. Shepard lined the distracted banshee in her sight again, but before she even took the shot, another bullet flew through the air, right between the banshee's soulless black eyes. Chiktikka and one more blast from Tali's gun finished the job, the banshee letting out one more piercing scream before it finally collapsed.

Shepard leaned over the edge of the roof, completely unsurprised to find Garrus lifting his sniper rifle towards her in an action mirroring a salute before he continued his press against more husks.

Shaking her head, Shepard rushed over to Tali and Thomas, who was applying pressure to an arm wound of his own.

"Thank you, Commander. I thought we were done for."

"How bad is that wound?" Shepard asked with concern.

"All I should need's medigel, but she took a worse hit than me," Thomas said, nodding his head towards Tali.

"What happened to the others up here?" Shepard asked, kneeling down beside Tali, whose suit had rupture in her left leg slightly below the knee

"Two blasted from the roof, and Michael fell right here beside me," he said, pointing at the still form Shepard had failed to notice before.

"They came from nowhere?" Shepard prodded as she gently examined Tali's leg

"Shepard, please, I'm fine," Tali protested, but the pained look in her usually brightly lit eyes was a dead giveaway.

"I know you like things up close and personal with that shotgun, but next time, stay from the banshees," Shepard teased, yet not masking the concern she felt for her quarian friend.

Tali rolled her eyes. "Keelah, you're just as bad as Garrus. You two have been spending too much time together."

"I didn't think another wave would come so soon, Commander," Thomas continued. "They've usually been coming every few hours, one wave at a time."

"And the comm tower?" Shepard asked as she helped Tali get to her feet and forced Tali to wrap her left arm around Shepard's shoulders.

"Completely shot now," Thomas said, pointing to the mangled burnt pieces of metal nearby. "As far as I know, only thing active now and sending out a transmission is the distress signal at the base."

"Talbot told me there was nothing of value in there now," Shepard remarked, following Thomas to the door back inside the compound.

"For the most part, but the signal's still there. They activated it last week during the first wave. Lieutenant Zabaleta goes and checks on it every day."

This could mean nothing, it could be completely unrelated, but Shepard's gut feeling was that nothing could be left to chance. They had to find a way into that base. For all they knew, Cerberus could be on their way, but they wouldn't know for sure until they investigated. Though Shepard didn't even want to think about fighting Reaper forces and Cerberus at the same time. Again.

"Do you need any help getting her down, Commander?" Thomas offered, reaching his arm to help Tali.

"It's alright, Thomas. You go on ahead. Tell Zabaleta and Talbot what happened. I'll get her down, stop her from tasking herself." Shepard earned a string of mumbled curses from Tali in response.

"This is unnecessary, Shepard, I'm fine."

"You would be sliding down the stairs if I let you walk yourself, Tali," Shepard argued, watching Thomas's retreating form. "Has your suit begun sealing off the exposed area?"

"It does automatically once a breath is detected, but I think one of the section seals is damaged," Tali admitted.

"And foreign matter could escape into other areas," Shepard finished for her.

So unless they had antibiotics for quarians handy, they were even more crunched for time than Shepard thought. Shepard prayed that Joker would make it back within two hours.

"Jane, don't worry, I'll be fine, I can still fight," Tali insisted as they began walking, presumably noticing the look on Shepard's face.

"That's not the only thing I'm worried about, Tali."

As they slowly moved to the roof entrance, Shepard filled Tali in on the conversation with Joker and Liara, how the Normandy could be a few hours, how Liara had found a transmission (presumably from Zabaleta) to Cerberus that came from the colony.

"I was hoping you could contact the Normandy! That Bosh'tet! I knew something wasn't right with him!"

"He seems to really hate me for not coming to aid the colony ast enough."

_Not that he doesn't have a point._

"He said that to you? Doesn't he know you've been leading the war effort against the Reapers?" Tali asked in outraged disbelief.

"He doesn't care. Doesn't trust the Alliance either," Shepard remarked.

"Which makes him more likely to work for Cerberus," Tali finished. "So what do we do?"

"First we get you downstairs, have a chat with Talbot. Then we figure out how to get into that base undetected. Among the three of us we should be able to come up with something."

* * *

"Ten of you? Out of thirty?"

When Shepard had escorted Tali back downstairs, she had rushed outside to help Garrus and what was left of the marines fight this latest wave, but the surprise of the attack had hit their numbers hard, as one of them reported to Zabaleta as soon as the wave was over.

"They literally came from nowhere, sir. One minute it was quiet as could be, the next more of them dropped from the sky, right on top of us," the soldier explained, resting up against a pillar, fatigue lying in wait to consume him.

"Apparently just bleeding us slowly isn't enough for them anymore," Talbot muttered, rubbing her left temple with her fingertips.

Zabaleta turned to Shepard, who was busying herself tending to Tali. The doctor who had looked Tali over admitted she was not very familiar with quarian physiology and could only offer medigel to ease the pain. Tali really needed antibiotics to guarantee no infections.

"You better hope your ship comes soon, Commander. With external comms permanently down, it's our only chance now."

"They will. We just need to hold on for another hour or two."

"The colonists are terrified, Ernesto. I heard some talking about running away and taking their chances. We need to pacify them," Talbot said, urgency resting in her tone and eyes.

Zabaleta emitted an impatient growl. "That's your job, isn't it, Margaret? They listen to you and trust you with their lives. Why stop now?"

Shepard's eyebrows raised at the strong accusatory tone Zabaleta possessed. And Talbot actually thought Zabaleta was a help to her?

Talbot turned to Shepard. "People always say you have a way with words, Commander. If you're up to it, talking to them would still be appreciated."

"I'll do what I can," Shepard replied, while gently rotating her injured shoulder and keeping it loose. Last thing she needed was to lose use of that arm.

"Now that there's only ten of you able to fight, what's left of you will patrol around the facility. Especially now that we have a massive hole in the wall. Shepard, the turian and the quarian can be on the lookout for another wave and keep them back. Unless she's going to be a problem?" Zabaleta questioned unsympathetically, motioning down to Tali, who was sitting against a crate, head back, leg extended as Garrus looked her suit rupture over.

"I can take care of myself fine," Tali interjected harshly.

"We'll take care of her," Shepard said firmly, not appreciating Zabaleta's tone. "And I hope you're not suggesting she's a liability. She injured herself _saving_ one of your technicians."

Zabaleta's eyes flashed and he stalked up to Shepard, faces inches apart from each other.

"And you saved four, but lost thirty-some others. And they call you the galaxy's paragon?" he hissed, his uncomfortably hot breath slapping her face.

"Ernesto, this isn't helping!" Talbot ground out, becoming just as agitated as Zabaleta.

However, what finally made Zabaleta step back was the approach of a furious turian, who forcibly pushed Zabaleta back from Shepard.

"Either you can continue to stand there and find fault with Shepard or you can stop wasting the time and defend these colonists," Garrus said, his eyes narrowing and a predatory look on his face, a look Shepard had seen numerous times before when he had a target in his sights.

Recognition flooded Zabaleta's eyes, a slow sneer creeping onto his face. "Good to know you still stick your turian nose where it doesn't belong, C-Sec Officer."

Wait, they knew each other? Garrus certainly would have mentioned that, but judging by the brief shocked expression on Garrus's face, it was safe for Shepard to say Garrus had never actually met him.

"I've never seen you while I was an officer. I'm sure I would have remembered your sunny personality."

"Us vagrants knew all the C-Sec officers on patrol and on investigations, knew which ones to stay away from. You had quite the reputation for being quite hot-blooded. Difficult with authority. Surprised Shepard could stand keeping you around."

It was one thing to criticize her, but Zabaleta had just awoken a sleeping giant. She would not stand by while Garrus was verbally attacked like this. She didn't put up with it when that volus started attacking Tali for no reason a year ago and she was not going to put up with it now.

"That's enough, Ernesto!" Talbot shouted, authority practically vibrating in her voice. Zabaleta scowled deeply at Garrus and Shepard before he turned to face Talbot, her eyes practically spitting flames within them.

"We can't get out of here without them and they can't help us if you're busy provoking them!" She then poked an aggressive finger into his chest. "I'd better not see you antagonizing them again, Ernesto!" Talbot added, her eyes boring coldly into Zabaleta.

"Or what, Margaret? You'll banish me? I've done more for this colony than you ever fucking will, yet the colonists look up to people like you and Shepard instead of thanking me for saving their lives!" A wild look rested in his eyes but disappeared after a moment. Zabaleta calmed himself down enough to say he would take a look outside at the damage before stomping from the room.

When Shepard was sure Zabaleta was out of earshot, she turned to Talbot. "Is he going to be a problem?"

Talbot stared aimlessly down the hallway. "I honestly don't know. It may be hard to believe, Commander, but like I said before, he wasn't like this when the attacks first started. I guess it's affecting him more than I thought. I'll keep tabs on him, in case…" she trailed off.

"Hopefully it won't come to that," Shepard briefly wondered whether she should mention Zabaleta's possibly, and increasingly likely, connection with Cerberus, but decided not to until they were certain.

A determined look passed Talbot's eyes. "I'll do whatever's necessary to protect these colonists," she said, hand resting on the pistol holstered at her hip.

The image of Talbot's self-defense against the husk flashed before Shepard's eyes. "Were you required to keep a gun on you on Earth?" Shepard asked curiously, gesturing to Talbot's gun.

"A young woman in a major metropolis, hanging in the seedy underbelly without a weapon of some kind, is either stupid, ignorant, or has a major death wish. You tend to learn that quickly. I wasn't trained in the military, but I know how to handle a gun. Robert also showed me a few tricks," Talbot replied.

"Ma'am, what do you want us to do?"

Shepard had been so focused on Zabaleta she hadn't realized the marine was still there, looking incredibly uncomfortable after witnessing Zabaleta's outburst.

Talbot approached the marine. "Lieutenant Zabaleta is right about one thing. There's so few of you left, you might as well patrol the facility rather than be spread out."

The marine saluted Talbot, and then limped down the hall to tell the others.

"I'd better go and check on the colonists. Any more surprises like this and we'll have mass hysteria on our hands," Talbot said. Before she moved to follow the marine, she said, "Even if Ernesto won't say it, thank you…all three of you…for coming here and for what you've done."

Talbot then departed from the common area, leaving the three of them alone.

"This is getting more intense by the minute," Garrus murmured.

"He's hiding something, Shepard. You heard him say he's done more for Mindoir than Talbot," Tali pointed out quietly, in case they were overheard.

"Do we have any leads?" Garrus asked.

"Only what Thomas the technician mentioned, that he goes to the Alliance base every day to supposedly check on the distress signal. That's our best bet," Shepard said just as quietly.

"Strange that Talbot led us to believe nothing of value was in there," Garrus remarked.

"We've got to get in that base without Zabaleta knowing," Tali said, pushing herself up with her arms and uninjured leg. Shepard reached down to help Tali regain her balance as Tali gingerly tested her injured leg.

"Are you sure you're mobile?" Shepard asked in concern.

"Either I stay here and risk getting attacked or I take my chances with you and Garrus. I prefer my odds with you two."

"Don't forget your drone and that weird hovering noise it makes."

Tali rolled her eyes in Garrus's direction, prompting a response from him that she must have been feeling better.

"Should we tell Talbot?" Tali then asked.

Shepard shook her head. "Not until we know what's going on. Then that's less of a chance for Zabaleta to find out." she paused. "But first, I need to talk with someone."

"That woman you saved?" Garrus questioned.

"She's actually the little sister of a friend I had, whose father always hated me. Good to know that hasn't changed," Shepard said dryly.

"So they're one of the original colonists?" Tali asked as they began walking.

"The family was one of the first settlers of the colony. A fact William Barnes never let my family forget."

"A lot of infighting, I take it?" Garrus asked.

"It got better by the time I was a teenager, but my parents had to prove themselves useful to the colony, like all newcomers did. But there were a few like Barnes who never fully accepted them," Shepard said, the memories of Barnes berating her as a child coming back to her. He had made her cry many times and she would run back to her parents, who would be furious he would take out his venom on a child. She had always tried to avoid him, even when she became Bran's friend.

"Explains why you're always so good at defusing galactic politics," Garrus teased, shooting her a fond look.

"Shepard, you said the woman was your friend's sister. Did…?" Tali paused, not needing to continue, the question causing Shepard to stop in her tracks.

_Shepard sat on her rock-hard bunk, datapad in hand, waiting for the final causality list to be posted. She hadn't seen him on the Einstein, but that didn't mean anything. He could have chosen to stay if his sister or parents survived. But deep down, she couldn't shake the feeling, the unspeakable thought._

_Because she knew he would have tried to contact her._

_A ping alerted her to an update on her datapad. There in bright letters were the names…Ann Shepard…Robert Shepard…Brandon Barnes…_

_The datapad dropped from her hand, the screen fading away. She felt the bile quickly rise in her throat. She ran for the bathroom, the few contents in her stomach emptying themselves into the bowl, until only uncontrollable dry heaves remained…_

She remembered how she cried for him and her parents that night. She had sworn she would never let herself feel that way about someone again, even if it had been just a silly teenage crush. Not until Garrus had she been brave enough to feel that way again.

As terrible as it sounded, with Bran, it had been easier to make peace with the fact he was gone. All she had ever seen was his name listed among the dead, never a crumpled body, never the final bullet or brain node into his skull. Though she had cared about him, she had always been closer to her parents. Their deaths had been harder to forget, the memories of their final moments refusing to stop plaguing her. Over time, only a ghost of a memory remained of Bran in her mind, the rest buried deeply in her subconscious.

Along with everything else about Mindoir, it seemed. A fact she was becoming increasingly guilty about the longer they were there.

Shepard's silence apparently was enough of an answer for Tali. "I'm sorry, Jane," Tali said remorsefully.

Shepard sighed. "Thanks, Tali." She started walking again, forcing herself to put the memory behind her emotional wall, to assume her persona as Commander Shepard. "Come on. Let's go talk to Alice."

* * *

A/N: Not as much of a cliffhanger as last time, but hope you're still engaged! As always, like it? Improvements? Let me know!


	5. -5-

A/N: Thanks again to all those who have reviewed, favorited or following this story and hope you enjoy this latest chapter!

* * *

-5-

_May 5, 2170. 1200 hours _

_Shepard wiped the sweat from her brow with her sleeve, strolling into the two-story home she shared with her parents. It was going to be another scorcher out there._

_"Finished already, Janie?" her mother asked from the sink, busy washing the produce they had picked that morning._

_"Just needed to cool off for a moment. I'll finish up before the end of the day," Shepard promised, reaching for a nearby rag to wipe away the remaining sweat beads._

_Her mother rewarded Shepard with a small smile that lit up her eyes before turning back to the tomato she was washing._

_"Is Dad feeling any better?" Shepard asked, remembering how pale he had looked that morning, prompting her to take over his chores for the day on top of her own._

_"Never been better, dove." She turned to see her father, a man with warm, ocean-blue eyes, full caramel hair with flecks of grey and who always had a playful smile on his lips, seated in one of the lounge chairs in the living room, reading one of his supernatural genre novels. His reading glasses rested firmly on the bridge of his nose. _

_"Shouldn't you be resting?" Shepard asked, crossing her arms._

_Her father threw his hands up in the air. "I haven't moved an inch off this chair. I made a deal with your mother and I am a man of my word," he said, the playfulness in his eyes betraying his serious demeanor._

_"You could have saved yourself the trouble by staying in bed," Shepard commented, pouring herself a glass of water and greedily gulping it down._

_Her father did not respond to her teasing reply, instead marking his place in his book and staring out at the window at the rolling fields beyond them._

_"Something told me I should be down here. Don't know why, but I can't shake it." Her father suddenly brightened, his eyes flashing in realization. "Oh, Bran came by after you left to run errands this morning. Have you told him yet?"_

_"Told him what?" Shepard asked, grabbing an apple and taking a large bite, teeth marks embedded into its red skin. She kept her gaze glued to the floor._

_"It's hard not to notice how you act around him, Janie," her mother said, turning to face her daughter and husband, wiping her hands on her canary yellow apron. _

_"Bran's very serious. Nice and polite, but serious. Always thought you would go for someone who would make you laugh, dove," her father confessed._

_Shepard felt her face turning beet red by the second. She knew using the standard "you just don't know him" line would only earn laughter, so she opted for taking another bite of her apple, the juices trailing down her chin._

_"It's understandable, Robert. With a father like that," her mother added, setting the tomato she had been washing in a glass bowl._

_"I'm going back outside now," Shepard said, fairly certain her face was fully red by how hot it felt._

_She moved to head towards the entrance hall, half-eaten apple still in hand, the airy laugh from her mother and hearty chuckle from her father behind her…_

* * *

Talbot hadn't been exaggerating. When Shepard first saw the colonists, they had seemed more anxious before. Now the majority of them appeared outright terrified. Couples and families clutched themselves to each other in vice grips, while others sat huddled together as if glued to one another. Some were uncontrollably sobbing, their wails of terror and grief echoing throughout the room. Others were anxiously pacing around the room or standing stock-still, tension evident throughout their bodies, as if waiting to bolt again should the need arise.

Shepard wanted nothing more than to tell them she would get them out safely, to reassure them they were safer here in this facility. She wanted to hold onto the hope she could be the ultimate heroine these colonists needed her to be. But the events of the past few hours here and on Thessia had deeply shaken that. Her emotional wall was crumbling again in the face of their fear.

Shepard had risked her life so many times she had lost count. The odds may have been stacked up against her, but she had always held hope. That hope had driven her to do incredible things, achieve impossible feats, but it was slowly ebbing away from her. She had promised Talbot she could pacify the colonists, but she didn't know if she had the mental strength.

But she had to try, didn't she? After all, she was Commander Shepard, the symbol of hope for the galaxy.

Some of the colonists turned to face her as she and her squadmates entered the room. The cautious optimism that briefly appeared on some of their faces was more than Shepard could bear. Anything but the cautious optimism.

"Look at them, Shepard. They're terrified. The majority of them have probably never faced anything like this before," Tali remarked, her filtered voice soft to avoid being overheard in the quiet room.

"And those that have are either lying in the field or patrolling the facility," Garrus added.

"No one could possibly be ready for the relentlessness of the Reapers. Even those who saw it coming," Shepard murmured, pulling her gaze away from the colonists.

She was thankful Garrus and Tali hadn't reminded her of her promise to Talbot. Maybe she could get herself back on track once she talked to Alice.

She spotted Alice's little boy on a crate, nibbling on a cracker, an older woman with crinkled skin standing by, watching over him with hawk-like eyes. His grandmother, perhaps? Though from what Shepard vaguely remembered of her, that didn't look like Alice's mother.

Shepard's eyes met the woman's who wordlessly pointed towards a room off to the side, an alcove beside the mess hall. The little boy's eyes lit up in awe again as she passed by and it took every effort to banish away the image of the Vancouver boy consumed in flames. A twinge went through Shepard's heart at the thought of this boy suffering the same fate.

A barely audible groan reached Shepard's ears. Tali had stopped in her tracks, her legs slightly swaying under her.

"Are you sure you don't want to rest for awhile?" Shepard's hand curled in a gentle grip around Tali's arm.

"I'm staying with you," Tali repeated, stubbornness creeping into her voice, even as her legs continued to shake.

"And if you collapse on us now, Garrus and I will be carrying you everywhere. You go and sit down. Garrus can stay with you while I talk to Alice," Shepard reassured.

Tali emitted a defeated sigh, raising her hands up in submission, turning to sit against the nearby wall. Garrus gave Shepard an encouraging nod before following Tali.

With a few more steps, Shepard entered the alcove, now a temporary med bay, reeking of blood, sweat, and anesthetic, the decay of death hiding beneath the surface. A frazzled nurse, blond hair sticking to her sweaty face, moved between the injured colonists and marines, taking note of their conditions. Shepard didn't know how many people had been in here before this latest attack (only a few colonists had either been injured or killed this time), but she was sure that didn't help the pressure the medics had on them. The doctor who had seen to Tali, Dr. Chindra, trailed behind her. She was treating the technician Thomas, his arm completely exposed as she scanned it with her omnitool.

Alice and Barnes were further down the room, with those with more serious injuries. Barnes looked just as pale as before, his face contorted in intense pain. Makeshift bandages covered the wound on his side, now stained crimson red. He was still bleeding out even with the medigel, still losing too much blood.

Alice stood over him, talking in a hushed whisper. ""Papa, please, Jane saved our lives."

"Won't... see her!"

Alice glanced up at Shepard's approach. "Jane, thank God you're alright! I heard about what you and your friends did out there for Thomas and the marines." She turned back to her father. "I told you, Papa. She _can_ help us."

"Help? Just like...she helped...your brother," he growled, attempting to raise himself up from the stretcher. Alice forced him back down.

"Please, Papa, you've lost a lot of blood. You cannot continue to distress yourself like this," Alice insisted, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

"She causes...misery to anyone she comes...into contact with," he breathed, giving way to another coughing fit that shook his entire body.

"We'll go someplace else to talk, Jane," Alice said, turning back to Shepard, an apologetic look on her face. "I'll be back, Papa. Please rest."

Barnes lay back against the pillow, as if his strength had left him, but his dark eyes were still shining with blackened fury and disgust.

"My son...refused to stay hidden...he left to look...for you." He slowly raised his right hand, his finger quaking as he pointed it at her in accusation. "You...killed...my...son."

Whatever Shepard was expecting Barnes to say, that statement certainly was not one of them. Bran had died because he was looking for her? Willing to risk his life to find and save her?

When Shepard first had realized she felt more for Bran than friendship, she had lain in her bed, night after night, wondering if she should tell him how she felt, but her fear of rejection had crushed what little courage she possessed. Now, sixteen years later, when it was far too late, when it didn't even matter anymore, she found out he_ had_ cared for her.

Alice motioned Shepard to follow her, though nervously avoiding eye-contact with Shepard as if afraid of Shepard's reaction to her father's accusations.

They stopped at the entrance of the alcove, close enough so Garrus and Tali could hear their conversation.

"I'm sorry about Papa, Jane. He hasn't been the same since Bran died. And then Mama died a year later…"

"Is what he said true?" Shepard asked, willing her voice to stay steady, still slightly reeling from this knowledge.

Alice bit her lip, as if wondering whether to tell Shepard the truth or not. "When the attack came, Papa moved us to our secret basement, but Bran refused to stay. He wanted to find you. He kept on saying he wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened." Alice clamped down even harder on her lip, drawing a tiny bit of blood. "He was cut down only five feet from the house."

Even when Shepard was a teenager, she was never the sickeningly romantic type, who day-dreamed about her perfect wedding and her perfect partner, who saw material items as ultimate expressions of love. Perhaps it came from being a colony kid, where material possessions were hard to come by and practicality encouraged over romanticism. But she had thought herself close to being in love. She had thought herself willing to do anything for him.

But he didn't even pass through her mind as she ran away from her burning house, sprinting from the batarians' greedy grasps. All she cared about was her own life, her own survival. Only once she was safe did she think about him. He had been willing to pay the ultimate price to see her safe whereas she had seen her life worth more than his.

Just another example of the weak colony girl she had spent fourteen years trying to deny ever existing. Ever since she joined the Alliance.

"I never found out how he died." Shepard didn't know what else to say. That she was sorry for the family's loss after sixteen years? Sorry she hadn't thought about him much in years except to use his fading memory as a block against being in a serious relationship? Sorry she hadn't thought about Alice once?

"I didn't want Papa to bring it up. Whether or not you knew, it's been sixteen years, it's more than time to let go," Alice shot her a sympathetic look. "Don't blame yourself, Jane. It was his choice. Even Papa knows that."

Shepard highly doubted that, but thought better of voicing it to Alice. She then felt a pair of eyes on her and scanned the room for the source. It was Alice's son, head cocked in serious contemplation, possessing the look of an old man who had experienced everything life had to offer.

Alice caught her son's gaze and waved. Her son waved a little hand back, his serious expression not breaking.

"How old is your son?" Shepard asked.

"Five. His father died before he was born, when his unit was attacked by raiders in the Hades Gamma cluster." The word "husband" was noticeably missing, but Shepard did not feel it her place to ask. It wasn't really relevant now.

"Papa is the only father John's ever known. He wanted to be with Papa, but…"

"You didn't want him to see your father like that," Shepard finished.

"No. Not… not until Papa calms down," Alice stuttered.

Shepard's gaze turn away from John and landed on Talbot as she entered the hall. Agitation clearly sculpted on her face, she forced it to disappear as she comforted a sobbing woman, who presumably found herself a widow of a volunteer soldier.

"What do you think of Talbot and Zabaleta?' Shepard asked.

Alice frowned. "I honestly didn't see much of them before this week. I rarely involved myself in colony politics and Papa refused to sit on the council with a bunch of newcomers." A commiserative look crossed her face. "He still believes himself their betters because he was one of the founders of the colony. He cannot see that doesn't matter anymore."

"But when you did see them?" Shepard pressed.

"Margaret's been nice to me. Her husband Robert too. Lieutenant Zabaleta's unpleasant, but he seems to be looking out for us. Isn't that all we can hope for?"

If not presented with the knowledge of a likely Cerberus connection, Shepard would have said the same, but she didn't have that luxury anymore.

"Do Zabaleta and Talbot seem to get along with each other?"

Alice glanced over at Talbot. "It's gotten worse since Robert Talbot died. From what little I saw, they never seemed to like each other. They were more civil whenever Lieutenant Talbot was around," she said, her voice even lowered than before.

Shepard frowned. If there was such friction between the two, why didn't Talbot say so in the first place?

"Alice." Dr. Chindra had approached the two, tapping Alice on the shoulder. "Your father is asking for you…and your son."

Alice thanked the doctor, giving the slightest of nods. She shot Shepard a forced smile.

"I guess I'd better get back to Papa. Thank you for coming by, Jane. I know you saw me more as Bran's little sister than a friend, but it's still good to see you again."

Shepard sent an encouraging smile back. "It's the least I could do. Sit tight. We'll get you all out of here soon."

As Shepard watched Alice collect John and head back to the alcove, she could not help but wonder how difficult it must have been. To lose her brother and mother at such a young age. To remain under the domineering eyes of her father, her only family, with no one her age to be with. Growing up among ghosts and ruins. Having to rebuild. She could only imagine how much of Alice's childhood was taken away from her because of that raid.

Shepard made her way back to Garrus and Tali.

"How are you holding up, Tali?"

Tali cocked her head and shrugged. "Feeling a little warm, but otherwise not much different."

Shepard turned to Garrus, whose eyes had been darting around wildly yet focused on her, as if closely inspecting Shepard, searching for signs of manifesting distress. He immediately stopped when her eyes fell firmly on him.

He knew. His visor probably picked up on her elevated pulse. But he had become too perceptive in reading her body language. He could probably sense the inner turmoil within her, just as he had earlier.

But he wasn't saying anything. Not this time. Maybe he realized now wasn't the time (finally). Maybe he didn't want to broach the subject in front of so many people. Whatever the reason Shepard was grateful.

"I'm done waiting around to be attacked! I'm taking my chances!" a booming voice erupted from the center of the room.

"There are no trees for miles! You'll be a sitting duck!" Talbot answered, a thinning veil of patience in her voice. Talbot looked about ready to pull her hair out, fistfuls at a time.

Guess that was Shepard's cue to intervene, summon an inspiring speech about how if they stood their ground here, the Normandy would come for them and they could all wake up from this nightmare.

Give them what they wanted to hear.

She made her way to the source of the argument, a young man, probably only a few years younger than Shepard, with a barely healed gash above his left eyebrow, standing off against Talbot.

"What's going on?" Shepard demanded. Many pairs of eyes turned on Shepard at her approach.

"I overheard him encouraging some of the others to leave. This is the second time today! I will not have you causing a panic," Talbot argued, eyes flashing at the man in question.

"I don't like putting my life in the hands of former and current Alliance officers. They failed us once, how can you be sure it won't happen again?" the man demanded, a vein throbbing on his left temple. Defiance was etched clearly on his face.

"You can't." The words left Shepard's mouth before she could stop them, but now that they were out, she might as well keep going. She turned to face the other colonists. "I know you're all scared. I know you feel like the Alliance has turned its back on you. I can't bring back the lives already lost, but I will fight to save every last one of you. But I can only do that if you all stay here. You heard what Talbot said. If you're outside the colony when the Reapers come again, there'll be nowhere to hide. Your best chance at survival is to remain here," she finished.

The words flowed from her naturally enough, but they sounded so hollow to her. They rang with a confidence Shepard still did not feel.

She had to get a grip. So she hadn't stopped Cerberus on Thessia. So she hadn't come here sooner. Garrus was right. She was here now, wasn't she? She had to stop feeling sorry for herself. Commander Shepard didn't wallow in self-pity.

Easier said than done.

Thankfully the colonists didn't seem to notice, and the vibe in the room suddenly lessened in intensity. Even the man who had challenged Talbot deflated, though uncertainty still rested in his eyes.

Talbot caught Shepard's eyes, directing her away from the colonists, back towards the entrance to the alcove.

"Appreciate you stepping in. They seem much calmer…but who knows for how much longer," Talbot murmured, the last words a whisper, eyes shifting back to the colonists. She clearly didn't expect or want an answer.

"My squad and I should probably begin our patrol," Shepard said. Talbot didn't reply. She was rubbing the area above her right eyebrow, her face grimacing in pain.

"Margaret?"

Talbot broke out of her daze with a shake of her head. "Yes, of course. I'll remain here, then, should you need me. As far as I know, Ernesto is still outside."

Zabaleta. If he spotted them heading towards the base, if there was something there he didn't want them to see, he would immediately know they were onto him. God knows how he would take retribution. If his anger outbursts were any indication, Shepard didn't want to find out. What else would be in that direction? What could they possibly have to see that…?

In that moment, Shepard realized exactly what was in that direction. A site she had had no intention of ever seeing again. But they would have to go right past it to the base anyway…

"Before we go, Margaret…you said the memorial is where my old house used to be…"

* * *

_May 5, 2170. 1500 hours _

_Popping noises reverberating in the air brought Shepard out of her reverie, brow furrowing in puzzlement at the noises. Were those gunshots? Were the few marines stationed there doing some type of drill?_

_Shepard put down her watering can, rubbing her dirt-stained hands on her already dirty overalls. Maybe her parents would know something._

_As she approached the house, the distant sight of multiple shuttles on the ground took her by surprise. There usually weren't that many shuttles for mass transit or people coming to the colony on business in one day. _

_Something seemed off, but it could be nothing. Her suspicion merely a product of her over-active imagination. _

"_What's going on out there, Jane?" Her father in the same spot Shepard had left him, her mother at the table. _

"_Must be some type of drill. I saw a bunch of shuttles in the field, though. Is anyone supposed to be coming today?"_

"_No. Your father and I checked the colony bulletin a little while ago and there was nothing." Puzzlement swirled within her mother's hazel eyes. _

"_Weird," Shepard muttered. Not knowing what else to do, she moved to go back outside to grab the watering can._

"_Jane, no!" Her father's call stopped Shepard on the spot. She immediately recognized that tone. It was a tone Shepard had only heard her father use on rare occasions. Commanding. Serious. When Robert Shepard used it, you did not dare cross him._

_Her father pushed himself off the chair, scrapping it against the floor. He tossed his book and glasses onto the end table, which toppled over to the floor in a heap. Her father then stumbled to the entrance hall. _

"_Robert, don't strain yourself!" her mother cried, moving to rush after him to prevent him from toppling to the ground in a heap. _

_He came back into the sitting room, his barely used pistol in his hand. His grandfather had been in the military long ago, taught his grandson the basics of handling a gun. _

"_Oh, God, Robert, you promised me you would get rid of that." Her mother looked queasy just at the sight of the pistol. Her mother hated guns, hated anything that was a symbol of death and violence. She had come from an abusive family (her father an alcoholic), something that could not easily fade from memory. _

"_Dad, I'm not so sure about this." Shepard wasn't as anti-gun as her mother, but in her father's current state, she was worried he would accidently shoot himself. _

"_We don't know what we could be dealing with, Jane. Ann, lock the doors and close the window blinds. Maybe they won't come in if it looks like no one's here." Despite the confidence in his voice, his blue eyes shone with uncertainty. _

_As her mother did as he asked, her father pulled Shepard close._

"_We're going to stay here and hope it's nothing. But if it's raiders and something happens to me or your mother, you promise me you'll run to the safe house at the Main Hall. If you can't get there, run to the Alliance outpost. Run anywhere you can, Jane."_

_Shepard found herself nodding, but not fully taking in her father's words. Could this really be a raid? Shepard had always overheard talk about the possibility, about how dangerous life could be out in the Traverse where Alliance ships didn't patrol as often, and about other colonies being attacked. Never once did she think it would happen to Mindoir. To her and her family._

_She still couldn't believe it to be possible._

"_I'm sure nothing's wrong, Dad," Shepard said, trying to sound reassuring. _

_Ear-piercing screams and rapid gunfire from nearby quickly shattered the illusion of safety. _

_Her mother gave a choked gasp of fear. Her father lay a comforting, yet unnaturally warm, hand on Shepard's cheek, just as he did so many times before. Just as he first did when she was four and screamed bloody murder when she thought monsters were under her bed. Shepard squeezed her father's hand tightly._

_There had to be another explanation. Or it had to be a false alarm. It had to be. _

_Her father removed his hand and wobbled towards the door, pistol aimed squarely at the front, sheer determination on his face. Despite how pale and fragile he actually looked._

"_Robert, please. Don't be a hero." Her mother pushed herself in front of him, her face just as ghastly pale._

_Her father closed his eyes, emotional pain passing over his face. "Ann, love. Please. Stay with Jane." _

_The gunfire was getting closer, the screams louder and more terrifying. Angry and impatient yells, emanating from deep voices, were approaching. Garbled voices, not human. _

_Aliens rarely came to Mindoir. Any trade done was between other human colonies. Shepard had only seen a few aliens in her life. Turians whose shuttle had broken down on their way back to their scouting ship. And they had scared the hell out of her with their bird-like appearance, their talons, their beady, hawk-like eyes. How they had composed themselves, they had looked like vultures coming in for their prey. _

_At least they had been civil, surprising so soon after the First Contact War. Whatever was outside their home now sounded anything but. _

_Sensing he would not relent, her mother drifted toward Shepard, wrapping her arms tightly around her, pressing Shepard's head against her chest. Shepard felt her mother's pounding heartbeat against her ear, her mother's berry soap on her hands a soothing smell. Shepard didn't know whether her mother's embrace was more of a comfort to her or to her mother. _

_The angry growls were much stronger, one demanding they get the door unlocked. _

_The second story was too high to safely jump from; the front door was the only entrance. They had nowhere to go now, nowhere to hide. _

_How could so much have changed in the span of a few minutes?_

_Her father turned back to them. Seeing the frozen look on Shepard's face, he whispered, "It will be alright, dove."_

_Just as the door opened, revealing two batarians, shotguns firmly in hand…_

* * *

A/N: Like it? Improvements? As always, let me know! Next chapter will be exciting, as Shepard takes Garrus and Tali to the site of her old house and deals with remembering the deaths of her parents. Hopefully that should be coming within the next two weeks.


	6. -6-

A/N: Hey beloved readers, I'm finally back! Apologies for the delay on the chapter. Real life managed to consume me and delay me from getting this out sooner. Thanks so much to SoranoDarkHorse for your review and support, I really appreciate it :). Also, as always, thanks to all who have favorited and subscribed to this story!

* * *

-6-

The memorial site was at the northern end of the colony, along with the Alliance base. Not a long distance, but enough for Shepard to be concerned about Tali's mobility, no matter how strong Tali made herself out to be. Shepard made sure to keep a slow pace, to put less of a strain on her.

As they made their way to the memorial, Shepard tried not to notice the sputtering flames of the wreckage on the ground, the fallen and bleeding bodies, the broken pieces of rubble. No need to have a repeat of earlier. To lose herself in the memories.

As they headed away from the colony center, they saw no sign of Zabaleta. Shepard didn't know whether to be thankful or concerned.

"How long do you think it's been since Joker contacted you?" Tali finally broke the silence.

"Probably close to an hour, maybe less," Shepard guessed. "Joker said he needed at least two hours."

"Let's hope it's only that long. With the trouble that man was stirring up, some of the colonists may decide they have a better chance running. We can't afford to have the colonists tearing each other apart over this," Tali replied.

"Did you both notice how concerned Talbot seemed? Almost as if she feels she can't keep things under control," Garrus remarked, keeping a steady pace next to Shepard.

"Surprising since she seems to have experience in tough situations," Shepard said.

"Not everyone is a born leader like you, Shepard."

Please, Garrus. Please don't say that, she wanted to say. Instead, she forced up a flirtatious smile. "A little turned on by my inspirational speeches, Vakarian?"

Garrus shrugged, mandibles flaring in a playful smirk. "What can I say? You really got me going with your speeches during the suicide mission."

Tali did not even bother to hide a groan. "Keelah, I'm standing right here, Garrus!" She shot him a glare, eyes narrowed. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"

"It was completely heartfelt, as always, Tali. Maybe ten percent was to rile you up."

"You're a Bosh'tet, has anyone told you that?"

"No, not once. Though I do recall a certain quarian threatening me with her shotgun on several occasions."

"And her arms are still working just fine."

"Speaking of which, still doing alright?" Shepard spoke up, turning back to Tali.

Tali waved away Shepard's concern. "If I could handle travelling through that vent on the Collector base, I can handle anything. This is nothing. Really." Tali spoke with such conviction Shepard would have believed it, if Shepard hadn't noticed the limp in Tali's step, the strain at the tail end of Tali's words.

"Hopefully that'll still be the case in a few hours," Shepard said. She knew Tali could handle herself. She had proven herself capable in dangerous situations dozens of times over, but with how this day was going, Shepard didn't want to tempt fate.

"It will be," Tali replied with the same level of confidence. Good to know someone was.

Silence briefly fell on the trio as they continued up the hill. Not awkward, but peaceful, a moment to take a breath and take in the stillness of the air. The calm before the storm.

"Look at how open everything is here. The rolling hills, the fields…I would have never imagined growing up like this on the Flotilla," Tali remarked, glancing around at the surrounding area.

"I remember you saying how cramped it was, Tali." Shepard pictured her talks with Tali about quarian history and culture on the SR-1, the drive core humming in the background.

"Not just that, though that was certainly the case for smaller ships. It was also the lack of privacy. You couldn't go anywhere on a ship without bumping into ten people on the way," Tali paused, again taking in the hills in the distance. "If we get through this war, I bet life on Rannoch will be like this." A delighted chuckle escaped her lips. "It'll take awhile to get used to."

"There were place outside of Cipritine like this, but with how high the radiation is, nothing nearly as lush as this," Garrus added. "What was it like, Shepard? Living here?"

Shepard halted her steps to look back at the colony in thought, remembering how peaceful the colony had once been, how beautiful the sunsets were when fading over the hills.

"Life here wasn't always easy. Hell, there were some brutal days. Even with the tech we have, farming was still a grueling process. Not to mention unforgiving heat waves and the isolation that comes from living in a remote colony. But my parents always thought this was a better life than the one we would have had on Earth, in a cramped house, in a run-down urban metropolis. They always saw Mindoir as something better. Despite the risks that came with colony life," Shepard said, unable to stop the slight tremor in her voice. She hoped Garrus or Tali didn't catch it.

"Did you ever think about wanting to leave? If you wanted something more?"

Shepard shook her head. "Despite our hardships, I was happy. I never once thought about leaving. Or joining the Alliance, but…" Her voice caught for the second time, for a few seconds longer. "That obviously changed."

Shepard didn't fail to notice the sideways glance shared between Garrus and Tali. Shepard had to keep it together during this ordeal, else she suspected they would be holding an improvised therapy session.

"Is that it? Over there?" Tali pointed to the area ahead of them. It was hard not to miss the large slab of black marble. At least what was left of it. Despite it looking relatively new, chunks of marble had broken off in various sections, leaving gaping holes and fragmented names of victims, the marble pieces littering the ground. Bullet holes also covered the marble. What was still intact curved around some gravestones, some of which were undamaged, shielded from attacks. A few wildflowers were stubbornly in bloom along the path to the center of the wall, a reminder that life was still possible among death and destruction.

Steadying herself, Shepard walked up the path, Garrus and Tali trailing behind her. As she passed by the gravestones still intact, marking those whose bodies were recovered, she chanced a glance for Bran's name, but she didn't see Barnes, though, he probably buried Bran someplace closer to him. Still keeping his son separated from the others, even in death.

After what seemed like an eternity, Shepard reached the wall. Fixing her with a gaze that pierced through to her core was a gold etching of herself, one of the few sections of the memorial still undamaged.

Shepard frowned, glancing away from the likeness donning N7 armor and down at the words below it: In Commemoration of Commander Jane Shepard, survivor of the Mindoir Raid, 2185.

"You would have thought they would have had enough time to change that," Tali remarked after she read the dedication.

Shepard could only nod in agreement, her gaze focusing on the names on each side of her etching:

_Ann Caldwin Shepard (March 21, 2120-May 5, 2170)_

_Robert Maurice Shepard (December 9, 2119-May 5, 2170)_

Her eyes scanned further down the memorial, falling on _Barnes_ _(July 17, 2151-May 5, 2170)_, a gaping hole where his first name should have been.

There they were, their names on the grounds of her old home.

"Welcome…the Mindoir Raid Memorial."

Shepard jumped at the sudden disembodied voice in front of her, almost bumping into Garrus, righting herself at the last moment. She hadn't noticed the small console, similar to the ones on the Citadel containing the VI, Avina.

The VI console was bent to the side, small sparks spurting from it, as the VI image and voice flickered in and out.

"This year marks…sixteenth anniversary…those who lost their lives in…batarian raid. Please say the name…the victim…their obituary or scan through…pictures and pause. We also…new biographical entry…Commander Jane Shepard…parents lost their lives here and whose likeness…adapted…colonial seal."

Shepard wanted nothing more than to bolt, to go on ahead to the base, but her feet were glued to the ground.

The VI disappeared, replaced with passing holo-images of the raid victims. It was difficult to get a clear view of them as the images flashed in and out, just as the VI did.

Bran's image popped up about halfway.

Shepard paused the cycle, taking in his brown locks, his boyish face, his brown eyes that held seriousness in them not meant for someone his age. Just how she remembered him.

"I'm not sure I was worthy of your sacrifice, Bran, but I promise. I'll protect your family from the Reapers," she swore silently.

The only thing she could do now to honor him.

She released the image, Bran giving her a nod and a hint of a smile her way before disappearing. As if she knew what she had been thinking.

Shepard shook her head and focused on the flashing holos. After a moment of vaguely recognizing the figures that passed by, the images of two familiar figures popped up.

She couldn't properly see her mother's auburn hair or the silver cross necklace she always wore around her neck. She couldn't see her father's graying hair or warm blue eyes, but it was still them. They both offered her small smiles, as if the images knew their daughter was staring right back at them. Smiling just as they did earlier that terrible day, when they teased her about Bran, only a few hours before their deaths.

"Are those your parents?" Tali asked cautiously, moving to lean against the marble and take pressure off her leg.

Shepard could not break away from the holo-images, but she managed out a breathless, "Yes."

Like Bran, this was the first time in sixteen years she had seen images of them, since the Alliance News Network ran obituaries on the victims. She hadn't wanted holo-images or pictures made. She had thought it would only stoke the flames of her grief rather than put them out.

"What were they like?"

A small smile grew on Shepard's lips as the memories of her parents came rushing back to her. "My father was always making jokes. Yet he always engaged me in moral debates and serious discussions. My mother was gentle and pious, but still laughed at my father's jokes. She was also a natural storyteller, whether she made up her own, recited someone else's, or talked about life on Earth or historical events. She tried to teach me how to cook and bake multiple times, but that talent must have skipped a generation. I could never get consistencies right."

She continued answering Tali, the words flowing naturally from her as her mind jumped from one memory to another. "And I got some political knowledge from them. About the colony, the Alliance, the Council, the history of the other races, despite the limited news we got."

Tali's eyes shone with sympathy. "You were lucky to have them as long as you did, Jane."

Shepard's smile quickly disappeared, focusing on the images of her parents again. "Yes, I was…"

She inched her hand forward to touch the holo-images, experiencing the strange tingling sensation on her fingertips as she touched the holo, and it brought everything back.

The pain she tried to hide, the lingering guilt over that day she hadn't completely rid herself of.

Shepard remembered Talitha, a fellow Mindoir survivor, only six when taken by the batarians, asking Shepard three years ago why Shepard was still alive.

_Why aren't you like me? Broken? Only fit to dig and carry?_

Without hesitation, Shepard had replied she had pulled herself up and kept going.

Had she really?

Had she ever let herself properly deal with the grief? Or had she merely pushed it aside, refusing to acknowledge it as she transformed herself into an Alliance marine?

"Jane?" Garrus. His voice was low, probably noticing how her body had become a column of tension.

With Garrus's call, the images of her parents disappeared, replaced by the VI reciting a recording.

"Commander Jane Shepard…en route to Mindoir on April 11, 2154 to…Shepard, who migrated … in 2154 from Earth. She…primary school set up… Mindoir Council for all colony kids from 5 to 11…lauded by her teachers… intelligence, dedication, and work ethic… a young age."

Shepard scoffed. Intelligence, maybe, but dedication? She had hated being in that school. She never seemed to get on well with the other kids, couldn't connect with them. She couldn't have been happier when she finally finished. Her social skills improved by the time she was a teenager, but not by much. She was still more of an introvert.

"After…school, she helped her parents grow…crops…all accounts…very close to them."

There were times when her mother's overprotective nature drove Shepard crazy. There were times she grew frustrated when her father lectured Shepard on things she felt she didn't need to be lectured on. There were times when she got into heated arguments with them, as most children do with their parents, even said she hated them in the heat of the moment. But she never took them for granted, not when she saw parents like William Barnes.

They had been good people. They hadn't deserved the fate they had received, but as Tali once told her, life isn't about what you deserve.

"On May 5, 2170…slavers attacked…retaliation for Alliance colonization…Skyllian Verge, her parents…lives. Shepard…a few survivors…SSV Einstein…taken aboard for a few weeks and …to an Alliance center for war orphans until given reparations from the Alliance... joined the Alliance… 18th birthday, motivated to save others just as she tried to save her parents."

Save her parents…

She quickly shut the VI off, refusing to hear this glorified version of her life anymore. This was the life of Commander Shepard they were reciting. She didn't exist until she turned eighteen. If people knew the truth…what would they say about their exalted hero? Would everyone, even her crew, continue to place her on a sacred pedestal?

She couldn't bear to face Garrus or Tali. She didn't want them to see the shame. All she could do was stare back at the metallic image of herself and prevent the urge to vomit what little contents were in her stomach, the ringing of a single bullet fired from a pistol…her father's pistol…echoing in her mind…

"_Put the gun down, human! You'll only be warned once!" the first batarian said, a deep growl leaving his throat as he and his companion entered their home._

_Her father refused to answer them. Determination still etched on his face, he pulled the trigger at the one who had given the warning, even with both of them aiming their shotguns at him, shouting he would not allow them to harm his family._

_The bullet released from the pistol, hitting the batarian in the head, who had no shielding activated. He crumbled to the ground with a final groan. At the same time, his partner fired a resounding shot, emitting a snarl as he did so, before her father could fire again, hitting him square in the gut._

_Shepard issued a shrill scream, while her mother's cry caught in her throat._

_The force knocked her father backwards onto the floor. His hands immediately pressed against the gaping wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding, but his breathing was already labored, his body shaking in intense pain. _

_The batarian who shot her father moved in, followed by yet another (different from the dead one). The first batarian strode over to the Shepard women, analyzing them with his four beady eyes._

_He leaned in closer to Shepard, his rotten breath slapping her face. He roughly grabbed her chin, turning her head side to side in examination. If not for the strength of the grip, Shepard would have recoiled at the rough, yet slimy touch on her skin. Her mother was as still as a statue, as if afraid she would be shot for moving an inch._

_His eyes twinkling with cruel indifference, he barked to his partner that only the young girl would be useful to them. She would be a highly valuable slave in the market and would fetch a handsome price. _

_Shepard shook, frightened tears dripping down her face as the first batarian ripped her away from her mother's grasp. Her mother tried to leech onto her, but the batarian shoved her mother away, sending her flying towards the wall. Shepard begged to be let go, but the batarian only shook her and yelled at her to be quiet. She stood frozen in his grip, as the other batarian closed in on her mother, his shotgun raised at her head. He didn't get far before her father launched himself at the batarian, swiping at him and pushing him away from her mother, despite the profuse amount of blood dripping on the floor. _

_With a snarl, the batarian grabbed her father by the hair and slammed his head against the wall with enough force to leave a dent. Despite her father's weak struggles, the batarian went at it again and again, until her father's limbs lay lifeless at his side. The batarian tossed him to the floor like a rag doll, her father's legs protruding awkwardly and arms out on the sides of his body. There he lay, blood spewing underneath him from his stomach and head wounds. _

_It took all her self-control not to retch on the floor. The tears were now blinding her. She silently begged her father to come back, to still be alive. But his warm, ocean-blue eyes remained empty, fathomless tunnels as they stared up at her._

_The batarian who held her began dragging her away from her mother, whose own eyes held frozen tears, her lips trembling at the sight of her dead husband. Shepard didn't even try to fight back. She couldn't move, she couldn't think. She was literally frozen in fear. _

_The other batarian moved towards her mother again, snarling to his companion to set fire to the house. In a sudden flash of movement, her mother leapt towards the kitchen counter and grabbed the nearest thing she could find, the glass bowl. With a force Shepard did not know her mother to be capable of, her mother hit the batarian on the head. He fell to the floor, clutching his head in dazed pain. _

_Before the batarian holding Shepard could reach for his gun, her mother, her gentle mother who hated any type of violence, rushed at him with a scream, tackling him to the ground._

_Shepard turned her tear-stricken face onto her mother's, all traces of fear and terror removed, who was straining to force the batarian to stay down and prevent him from reaching his fallen shotgun._

"_Run, Jane! Run!"_

_Only for one brief second did she pause. When her mother pleaded with her again to run, Shepard sprinted out the door. Not once did she look back. Not even when she heard the sound of two gunshots from the house. Not even when she smelled the sulphur dispersing into the air._

Shepard began to wobble, the weight of the memories crashing down on her. How could anyone think her a hero?

The same guilt she had been plagued with for two years after the raid was hitting her like a ton of bricks, the force almost bringing her to her knees. And she couldn't handle it.

Shepard took a staggered breath before turning to face Garrus and Tali, her eyes planted firmly on the ground ahead of her.

"We should head out to the base. It's just a little further past the…" She didn't get any further before Garrus stepped in front of her, flooding her vision with silver and blue.

"You're in no condition to go to that base. Not yet." Garrus crossed his arms, resolve set on his face. Not this again.

"Yes, I am. I'm fine," Shepard said, gritting her teeth, pushing out the words more harshly in a vain attempt to convince them she was fine. "And you just said a little while ago you wouldn't push me anymore."

Shepard moved to step past Garrus, but he grabbed her by the arm, the force of his grip digging through her armor. "You know you don't have to pretend to be Commander Shepard in front of us. Something's been eating away at you ever since you arrived here. When are you going to stop taking on these burdens yourself and let us help you?"

"Do you honestly think I want to talk about this?" Shepard hissed. "I told you my feelings on my past. I made sure to bury that part of my life fourteen years ago when I joined the Alliance. I never wanted to relive it again." She wriggled her way out of Garrus's grasp. "I _can't _relive it again."

Tali was not about to back down either, it seemed, as she moved to stand beside Garrus. "Please, Jane, after everything you've done for us, let us do the same for you." Her tone was gentler, begging Shepard to let her defenses fall.

"I…I can't," Shepard weakly protested, her resolve to stay strong wavering in the faces of Tali's plea and Garrus's persistence.

"What, Jane? What happened that day that you can't tell us about?" Garrus asked.

She turned back to the etching of herself. That frozen version of herself, her face and her stance, oozed confidence. The etching looked ready to take on any challenge, ready to make any sacrifice of her. As if that had been her nature her entire life.

"I've lost count of how many people have told me I'm a natural born leader," she admitted softly.

"But you are," Tali insisted, confusion evident in her voice, as if wondering where Shepard was going with this.

Shepard faced them again, the words pouring out her before she could stop them. "Only because I forced myself to become one. The only Shepard the galaxy's ever known is Commander Jane Shepard, survivor of Akuze and impossible odds, Savoir of the Citadel and the galaxy. Hardly anyone knows about the colony girl. How shy and non-confrontational she was, how she never stood up for herself, how…" Shepard stopped as the lump in her throat grew and her eyes began to sting as she reined back the tears.

"I… was never brave, never fearless. They paint me as a savior, even as a teenager!" She wildly gestured to the VI console." But they're wrong!"

Shepard clenched her hand, gloved fingers digging into her palm, biting down on her lip in a final attempt to keep the tears at bay and maintain her composure. Her gaze rested back down on the ground, the shame and guilt overcoming her.

"I hid in an old tool shed before I risked finding the marines. Not once did I think about looking for Bran. He never even crossed my mind." There. Were they happy now? She had finally confessed, but she wasn't done yet.

"My father killed a batarian, sacrificed himself to save my mother and me. My…my mother, my gentle mother, tackled a batarian to the ground so I could escape. And I…I ran…didn't even try to…for either of them…I…" Shepard couldn't go on, else she would collapse to the ground in an emotional heap. And she couldn't do that…she wouldn't…she…

A hand came to rest on her shoulder in a vice grip, the other on her right cheek. Her eyes met Garrus's searing gaze, concern swirling in his orbs, firmness replaced by gentleness. And another emotion Shepard could not place.

"When are you going to stop being so hard on yourself, Jane?"

Of all the things Shepard expected to come out of his mouth, that had not been one of them. The tears welled up in her eyes more forcefully at his words.

"Garrus…"

Garrus continued, placing his talons against her lips to silence her. "Remember what you told that girl on the docks? Talitha? You told her no one blamed her for trying to stay hidden. The only person blaming her was herself. Why can't you say the same for yourself?"

He leaned forward, pressing her forehead against his in a gesture that now held so much meaning for them now.

"Let it go, Jane."

The dam finally broke.

Shepard doubled over in emotional pain, the tears trailing unabashedly down her cheeks. Garrus prevented her from toppling to the ground and pressed her face against his shoulder, the coolness of his metal armor contrasting with her burning cheeks. His smoky scent filled her nostrils and she took in the soothing smell. Garrus's head came to rest on top of hers, nuzzling it gently. One of his talons rubbed circles into her right temple. She wrapped her arms tightly around his waist in return.

She then felt another pair of arms encircle themselves around Shepard's shoulders tightly (as best as she could with the weapons strapped to Shepard's back in the way). A return for Shepard comforting Tali after finding her dead father.

As ashamed as she was for breaking down like this in front of them (she didn't know how they could possibly respect her after this display), she could not deny how good it felt to let the walls fully come down.

She let it all out. For her parents, for Bran, for Thessia, for fallen comrades, for fear of losing the people she loved again.

She couldn't remember the last time she had sobbed like this in front of anyone. The rare times she had become emotional in front of others, including Garrus, only a stray tear escaped her at most. Now her body violently shook with her sobbing, unable to stop the sharp, desperate cries from escaping her throat.

She knew she had to get a grip. She knew they had to get to the base before anyone noticed, before Tali exerted herself even more, but for the first time in a long time, she allowed herself this moment. To properly grieve, to cry on the shoulder of her mate, feel the comforting embrace of her friend. On the hallowed site of her parents' final moments.

* * *

A/N: This was certainly a fun one to write. As always, let me know what you think about this latest chapter!


	7. -7-

A/N: Again thanks to all who have reviewed, favorited, or are following this story, especially to happylilcpck and Curls101 for your reviews for the last chapter, really appreciate it.

Enjoy the latest installment!

* * *

-7-

She didn't know how long it took for her to finally regain control over herself. At some point, she was no longer crying out buckets, only dry sobs escaped her. Then her cries morphed into soft whimpers.

She lifted her head up from Garrus's shoulder and moved to wipe the tear marks away, but Garrus caught her wrist. His gaze never leaving hers, he brushed his talons against her cheeks, her chin.

"Better?" he asked, his sub-flang prominent.

Shepard sniffed, providing a quick nod in response as her composure returned.

"I'm sorry you both had to see that," she said, her voice croaking on the words.

"You've got nothing to be sorry about, Jane," Tali said, mirroring the words Shepard used on Tali when they had discovered Rael'Zorah's body.

A watery laugh escaped Shepard. "Glad I did that here, and not while taking down Reaper spawn. You two would have had to pull my ass out of the fire." She emitted another chuckle. "I would have been a true damsel in distress." Despite her flippancy, she could never imagine crying out for a muscular hero to come and save her from the monsters (no matter how much Reapers looked like they had come right out of a children's nightmare). Even before she was a soldier, childhood withstanding, she was never one of those girls.

Garrus apparently felt the same. "You? Most "damsels" don't know how to make a clean snipe shot between the eyes or have an omni-blade attached to their wrist," Garrus replied, his voice light with amusement.

"Not that I'm not impressed you know about this concept, Garrus," Shepard said, her natural joking nature returning to her. "But stories about damsels were written centuries before technology like that existed."

"Details," he said, waving away her words. "Besides, aren't those typically dressed up? You'd have to wear that outfit Kasumi made you wear to infiltrate Hock's party. I remember you saying how you wanted to burn it and you would never get in this dress again as long you lived, even if you had to do it to defeat the Reapers."

"It did do great things to your figure, though, Shepard," Tali added.

"It wasn't the dress," Shepard retorted. "It was more the shoes. I still don't get why wearing high heeled shoes is necessary for anyone. It just seems impractical." With how light-hearted this conversation now seemed, hard to believe only a few moments ago, she had been sobbing uncontrollably. To the point she had almost made herself retch, overwhelmed by the weight of painful memories and current burdens.

"Anyway, you had your moment when I saved you from those two brutes on Desponia."

"True," she murmured, remembering how dazed she had been after the Leviathan exited her mind. "And I also recall you saying that no one better hurt me."

In that moment, a steely look entered Garrus's eyes. A warm, pleasurable feeling coursed through Shepard's body as he uttered, "And I meant it."

Her own version of a knight in shining armor, it seemed. Who would fight by her side as comrades in arms, who would pick her up when she fell…

Despite her shame at breaking down like that, she was grateful to them for being there for her, for wanting to comfort her.

"Thank you, Tali." Shepard's tone turned serious again as she gave her dear friend a thankful look. Tali nodded back, not needing to ask why Shepard was thanking her. Shepard could swear Tali gave Shepard a comforting smile in return.

She then laid her hand on Garrus's face plates, the side criss-crossed with fading scars. Though the scars were a reminder of how Shepard had almost lost Garrus, they were also a reminder of a few of the reasons she loved him. His strength to keep fighting while others fell, his determination to fight injustice no matter the personal cost. Not to mention they did add to his rugged charm.

"And thank you, Garrus," she whispered, hoping her gratitude shone in her blue irises.

Garrus lay her hand over hers, his talons squeezing it, reassuring her with that silent gesture he would always be there for her.

In no way had the wounds disappeared now that they had reopened, but they had closed enough for Shepard to continue this mission. To remember why she was here in Mindoir in the first place.

Shepard reluctantly pulled away from Garrus, straightening herself out and planting her feet firmly on the ground

"Time to hit that base," she said, her voice regaining its old strength.

"I wonder how much time we'll have before someone notices we're missing," Tali remarked.

"Commander!"

Shepard's head whipped around to see Talbot sprinting up the hill, slightly breathless as she approached them, a few strands coming loose from her bun.

"Apparently not long," Garrus replied at Talbot's approach.

"Talbot? What is it? Have more Reapers shown up?" Shepard asked, glancing behind her in search of mindless husks, though she didn't hear or see anything. Not that she welcomed fighting more of them. She really didn't have the strength at the moment.

"It's Ernesto. Shortly after he left, I sent two marines to keep tabs on him, but he disappeared and no one's seen him since."

That certainly explained why there was no sign of him.

"Do you think he would just say the hell with it and leave?" Shepard asked, though she seriously doubted that.

Talbot's eyebrows furrowed. "Leave? To go where, Shepard? You heard me say there's no proper protection for miles," she said, a note of irritation creeping into her voice. "But one of the marines thought he spotted someone heading to the base."

Shepard crossed her arms. "Why? What good would that do him?" she asked, hoping Talbot would provide some validation for their suspicions.

"As I said before, the base is pretty much deserted, stripped of everything of value. At least, on the surface."

Talbot stepped closer to them, the urgency in her tone rising. "There's a secret entrance that hides an elevator. That elevator leads to an underground safehouse."

Another piece of the puzzle, but how did it fit?

"I still don't understand. Why would that be of value to him?"

"Before Robert died, he mentioned something about a fight he had with Ernesto," Talbot replied, the earnestness in her voice unwavering. "This was only a day before the first attack. Apparently they almost came to blows. Ernesto kept on insisting that the Alliance wasn't going to protect us, that if we were determined to stay, that we had to look to others to come to our aid, that we had other options."

"Options like an alliance with Cerberus?" Shepard quickly informed Talbot of the information she had received from Liara. No point in keeping this from Talbot now, though Shepard did wonder why Talbot hadn't told them this sooner.

Talbot looked unfazed by the news, as if she had been expecting something like that. "We may not get along as well as I let on before, and he's certainly angry about his treatment at the hands of the Alliance, but even with Robert's suspicions, I still didn't expect anything like this from him. Especially after hearing Ernesto talk about his encounters with Cerberus during his days with the Alliance, seeing all the atrocities they had committed."

"Desperation can drive people to do a lot of terrible things," Garrus said, voice low, as if caught up in a distant memory.

How true. Saren, Sidonis, Udina. How many people had they seen driven to drastic measures, even betrayal, in the face of desperate times?

"So what's in the safehouse that would be of interest to him?" Shepard asked.

Talbot glanced back over the valley, taking in the burning wreckage of a colony that had seen so much violence in its short history. "He's been going to check on the distress beacon every day, ensuring it's still running, but not powerfully enough that it would cause an overload to our already damaged grid."

Shepard fixed Talbot with a critical gaze. "If Zabaleta was a possible threat, why did you let him go off by himself?"

"I didn't at first," Talbot said, defensiveness entering her tone. "It was until two days ago that he went alone, that he began blaming me for everything he could, at every opportunity, trying to make me look bad in front of the colonists…" She stopped herself, trying to maintain her calm composure. "Look, Shepard, I know it seems strange in hindsight that I didn't take greater precautions, but in the beginning, he was an asset, especially after Robert was killed. He was willing to help me; I wasn't about to turn it down with Reapers knocking on our door. Besides, in the beginning, I had nothing to go on other than that one argument with Robert and I didn't want to antagonize him."

"Ok, I understand. You did what you thought was best," Shepard assured her, though Talbot didn't look placated. "Anyways, you were saying about the safehouse?"

If Talbot still took issue with Shepard's questioning, she chose to let it go. "If he's gone back to the safehouse, he may be trying to amplify the distress signal or try to use it as a transmitter. As you saw, he was incredibly agitated about getting communications working properly, even after you landed.

"But there may be something else of interest to him. There's a few more rooms beyond the one with the distress beacon. One of these rooms contains extensive surveillance and audio feeds all throughout the colony. I know it sounds like we're spying on the colonists," she said when she saw Shepard's incredulous look, "but it was deemed necessary to have in case the colony was ever attacked again. Only a few people had access. When Robert suspected something was amiss with Ernesto, he changed the password and I never told Ernesto what it was. So even if he wanted to go the surveillance room, he wouldn't have been able to without the passcode."

"So coupled with acting strangely and the fight with Robert, he may be thinking you tipped me off and sent me to the base," Shepard thought out loud.

Talbot nodded. "I've been keeping my datapad on me, but I forgot to grab it when the Reapers invaded the compound. So when I went to check my datapad just now, it looked like it had been hacked into. Ernesto might think I told you something and went to make sure you didn't find possible evidence."

"Like a video recording of him making a call to a Cerberus operative," Tali finished.

"Exactly." Talbot uttered a tired sigh. "You saw his anger outbursts, Shepard. I honestly don't know what he's going to do. I'm not sure he even knows what he's fighting for anymore. I don't even know what evidence we might find. All I know is we have to find him before he does something drastic."

"Let's just hope it isn't too late," Shepard said. She didn't even want to think of the consequences of contact with Cerberus. If they came here, there would be colonists who would fight back at the presence of Cerberus troopers. There would be bloodshed. Not to mention who knew where Cerberus would take them, what they would do to them.

"At the very least, we can find out if that call Liara found was from him. Even if it wasn't Zabaleta, find out who, and what exactly we're up against," Garrus added.

"Agreed." Shepard turned to face Talbot. "You're sure you want to come with us?" she asked, giving Talbot a chance to back out.

"I have no doubt you're all capable, but…" Grim determination set into Talbot's face. "I owe it to Robert to keep the colonists safe."

"Let's head to the base, then." Shepard said. As they left, she chanced a quick glance back at the memorial, taking in the names of her parents one more time, a sudden desire rising within her to have one more moment to take in their images, before pulling her gaze away and following Talbot further towards the base.

It didn't take long for them to reach the compound. Or at least, what was left of it. Talbot hadn't been kidding when she said hardly anything was left. Half of the building's walls had completely crumbled away, leaving gaping holes in their wake. The roof was completely caved in on the upper level. Support beams littered the ground, and loose wires omitted brief sparks. Shepard immediately averted her eyes as the image of this building engulfed in orange flames came to mind. Everything in the colony had seemed on fire, the smell of sulfur and burning flesh permeating the air…

"This was one of the first places hit. For all our updated scanners and jamming systems, it still didn't make a difference," Talbot remarked, taking in the wreckage as they stepped into the facility.

"Did the Alliance install any turrets after the raid?" Shepard asked, moving away a piece of debris in her path. What a difference turrets would have made repelling the batarians.

"They tried, but they struggled getting the laser to work and the algorithms properly entered. The one time they did get it to work, it overwhelmed the electric grid, blew power for a week. So instead of restructuring the power grid again, one of the higher ups thought updated scanners and jamming tech would suffice. Many of us disagreed," Talbot said as they continued making their way through the wreckage.

"Too bad you weren't here, Garrus. I'm sure you could have gotten those calibrations under control," Tali commented.

Garrus's brow plate rose. "When we're in the final battle with Harbinger, you'll be glad the Normandy has an accurate gun."

"I know. Ten percent was to rile you up."

Talbot lead them through what had once been the main hall, to a side room nearby, just as battleworn as the rest of the compound. White sheets lay over lumps towards the sides of the room, though Shepard could still see the military boots sticking out from under them.

"We tried to do our best for those we could, but many of them won't get properly buried by their loved ones," Talbot commented at Shepard's fixed stare on the bodies.

_Bury everything except the bodies…_

Talbot strode over to a nearby console, which she scanned with her omnitool.

"The terminal's been damaged and auto-execute isn't responding. I'll have to manually override the lockdown."

"Is that going to be a problem?" Shepard asked.

"No, I can do it. Just give me a moment." Talbot switched from typing at the console to her omni-tool. Her hand hovered over it for a brief moment, her eyes clouding over as if becoming lost in her thoughts.

"Is something wrong?"

"It's just...I never thought it would come to this," Talbot admitted softly. Shepard refrained from cringing at the words, clearly reminded of Tevos's same words only a few hours before.

"None of us did," Shepard found herself saying for the second time that day. "But you've done what you can to keep the colonists safe."

Talbot issued a humorless chuckle. "I'm glad you think so. Ernesto doesn't. Sometimes I'm not even sure." She closed her eyes. "You saw how on edge they are. I'm sure you know how hard it is, Commander, convincing people they will be alright when you have no damn clue, in order to maintain the peace. To stop angry and scared colonists from rioting."

"It comes with being a good leader," Shepard replied, sympathizing with Talbot's plight. It must have been difficult. Instead of being able to properly grieve for her husband, she had to keep order until they could be rescued, trapped on a Reaper infested planet with nowhere to run, no means of traveling off world.

"Better to be loved than feared, huh? Niccolò Machiavelli would disagree with that," Talbot said, typing on the console with her free hand.

"Never was a huge fan."

Talbot continued typing between her omnitool and console until the light on the console flickered green.

"Got it, but not for long. The systems also showed someone gaining access not too long ago. Hopefully we won't be too late," Talbot said, pressing the button. The wall in front of them revealed an elevator, similar to the one on Ilos with its sloped ceiling. They filed into it, one by one, the doors shutting behind them just after Shepard entered the elevator.

"How far down does this go?" Shepard asked Talbot.

"Not too far below ground. We had to be sure the distress signal could still send out pulses," she answered.

Surprisingly, the elevator ride did not go on for too long, though it slowed to a snail's pace the closer it got to their destination, much to Shepard's annoyance. Now she remembered why she hated using elevators. Though she did get some quality time with her squad that way. An opportunity to share, as Garrus once said.

When the elevator doors finally opened, they stepped out into a room with a mini tower in the center, pulsating with weak energy, surrounded by a kinetic barrier.

Clearly Zabaleta hadn't tried to strengthen the signal, or he had failed to do so. There was no sign of him anywhere in the room.

"He must have gone further into the safehouse," Talbot commented, rushing over to open the locked door.

Shepard turned back to Garrus and Tali, pulling her Locust from her holster.

"You both stay here and see if you can find a way to strengthen the distress signal. Maybe that'll get the attention of any Alliance ships nearby, maybe even signal the Normandy."

"And you're worried about me." Tali could read her like an open book too, it seemed. "I'm…" Tali didn't finish before Shepard jumped on her.

"If you didn't let me lie, you can't do the same, Tali," she muttered firmly. They had rushed up to the base faster than anticipated, even if Tali didn't complain, but Shepard still noticed the flashes of pain that passed Tali's eyes, the slight shake in her step.

Tali's shoulders slumped. "I feel a little warmer and weaker," she admitted, "but it's still manageable."

"It's important for you to stay here. Not just because of that. You're also one of the best tech experts in the galaxy," Shepard added.

"Careful, Shepard, you'll give me a bigger head than Garrus if you keep talking like that," Tali said, attempting to joke away her growing fever.

"Not possible, Tali." Garrus turned to Shepard. "I should come with you."

"I need you here in case Tali needs help." Her tone softened at the apprehension on his face as she said, "I'll be fine, Garrus."

"I don't doubt it, but I don't like you going in without one of us." Shepard wondered if he was thinking about when Dr. Amanda Kenson kept her sedated for two days on that asteroid. Despite his best efforts to not let on how worried he had been, Shepard had known otherwise when he had hugged her close in the medbay, crushing her body to his as if afraid she would disappear again.

One of the first moments she had realized that their relationship was more than just blowing off steam.

"The door is open now, Shepard. If Ernesto is still down here, he can't be far."

Giving Garrus and Tali an encouraging nod, Shepard bolted over to the door. Her Locust was still in hand as she followed Talbot down a narrow hallway, with dim, overhead lights and steel walls that seemed to close in around Shepard. Good thing she had spent enough time on ships to not be claustrophobic.

"So why didn't you decide to hide here? Why stay essentially out in the open?" This seemed un-breachable, untouched.

"We didn't know how long it would take to be rescued," Talbot replied, her own pistol out and cocked at the ready. "We didn't want to be trapped down here and risk running low on supplies. If we hadn't heard from you, I probably would have transferred everyone down here."

After twisting down a few corridors, weaving through the hallway, they finally reached a door at the end, with a holo-keyboard in front. After Talbot quickly entered the passcode, a scanner conducted an identity confirmation on Talbot at the door before it slid open.

This room was no bigger than the other. A number of different beeping consoles and monitors hugged the walls. The overhead lights sprang on at their entrance.

Talbot strode over to the closest console. She let out a frustrated cry when the console beeped at her and an error message flashed in front of her.

"Damn it! He's been here, and he's already locked down the system. Only he can access it! He's probably already deleted the video feed!"

"What about the other rooms down here?" Shepard asked as she approached Talbot.

"One's emergency supplies and weapons that haven't been completely cleared out, another are the living quarters, another is a limited med bay, but there's no reason for him to be anywhere else." Her voice rang with unbridled frustration.

"We'll check them all, then, to be sure," Shepard replied, already heading back through the door.

Her Locust was raised in front of her as she bolted to the right down another hallway, Talbot trailing behind.

As they continued down the hallway, Shepard tried to make sense of all this in her mind. Why didn't Zabaleta try to fix the distress signal so it was stronger, to use as a signal for Cerberus? Was there incriminating evidence on one of the consoles he didn't want Shepard or Talbot to see? And why would he bother hiding? Why bother going to any of these rooms unless there was something of value?

Talbot was right. Nothing seemed to quite add up.

Shepard checked the first room they passed, but they found nothing more than footlockers and bunks.

Shepard prepared to check the next room right across from it, when she heard another noise, further down the hall.

Shepard tapped Talbot in her shoulder, gesturing towards the door at the end of this hallway. Talbot's ears perked up at the sound of the noises.

Even as they approached the door, Shepard couldn't hear it properly (the walls were surprisingly thick), but it sounded like muffled voices. Was it Zabaleta? Sleeper agents for Cerberus?

Only one to find out.

Shepard went over to the door, noticing the red circle at the center. She raised her omnitool, watching the sequences of the door unlocking, like puzzle pieces snapping into place.

When the circle turned green, she glanced over at Talbot, covering Shepard's six, clutching her pistol with a steady as a rock hand. Talbot sent a nod her direction, signaling she was ready and aiming her pistol at the door. Shepard slammed her hand down on the circle.

They stepped inside the brightly lit, yet sterile, medical lab. Test tubes lined the walls, metal stretchers spread throughout the room.

And a sight greeted them Shepard had been completely unprepared for.

Zabaleta was pinned down to one of the examination tables, strapped there by metal restraints, writhing in pain while simultaneously cursing out the man in front of him. The soldier she had met on the battlefield when she first arrived in the colony, who now had his helmet completely removed, revealing his glowing blue-neon eyes and implants across his face.

Before Shepard had a chance to fire at the Cerberus operative, fully take in the sight before her, or even demand what was going on, she fell to the floor in dazed pain as something struck her in the back of the head, knocking the wind out of her, the force causing her to loosen her grip on the Locust and send it spiraling across the floor.

Nothing had added up before. Because it was the wrong conclusion.

Shepard weakly raised her eyes upwards. Though her vision had blackened at the corners, she fully took in the figure of Margaret Talbot, whose gun was pointed at Shepard's forehead, a cold fire resting within her eyes.

* * *

A/N: Cliffhanger! As always, let me know what you think about this latest chapter, if you liked it, if it was too rushed, etc. Hopefully I'll have an update soon!


	8. -8-

A/N: As always, thanks to those who have reviewed, especially for Curls101 and Avelaide for your reviews last chapter, favorited, and are following this story!

* * *

-8-

As Shepard's vision slowly returned and her head didn't feel like a ton of bricks, she tried lifting herself upright by the elbows, but the Cerberus operative grabbed for her instead, holding both her arms tightly together with his left arm as he lifted her off the floor. She struggled against his iron grip, but to no avail.

Talbot kept her pistol aimed at Shepard, still pinpointed on her forehead. The operative wrenched Shepard's struggling form up to the stretcher next to Zabaleta, pulling her guns from her back as he did so. He tossed them carelessly to the floor, and they fell with a clatter. Shepard was surprised at the strength he still possessed in his other arm, despite the still apparent puncture in his armor, with no evidence of a pained grimace on his face. Did Cerberus implants improve mental fortitude that much?

It was days like this Shepard wished she was a biotic, then she could have lifted the weapons back to her and shot them before they had a chance to react. In theory, at least.

All she had was the powers on her omnitool, which thanks to the operative's deathly grip, she couldn't free herself enough to activate.

That didn't mean she wouldn't go down without a fight.

She dug her boots into the floor in a vain attempt to keep herself upright, but the operative pushed down on her injured right shoulder (with enough force her armor pad dug into her skin) and forced her onto the stretcher, ending her resistance.

As the operative pinned her down, strapping her onto the stretcher, Shepard chanced a quick glance over at Zabaleta, who was staring up at the ceiling, refusing to meet her gaze. Surprising for someone who had been cursing up a storm and squirming around a moment before.

However, it also looked like he hadn't gone down without a fight either, evidenced by the growing ring around his left eye, his split lip and blood trailing from his nose.

"I'm disappointed, Shepard. Thought you were more intelligent, could see past her deception," Zabaleta murmured, still not bothering to look at her.

Before Shepard could reply, Talbot jumped in. "You gave her no reason to, Ernesto. Treating her like you did? What did you expect?"

Something they could both agree on. If Zabaleta knew this whole time, why didn't he try to get Shepard alone, tell her about Talbot? It would have saved everyone a lot of trouble. But that issue had to be put in abeyance for the moment, since they were now both at Talbot's and the Cerberus operative's mercies.

Shepard could have kicked herself for not seeing this coming, for readily trusting Talbot. How many times had she gone through this song and dance? How many times had she discovered things couldn't be taken at face value? You always had to delve deeper.

"Why would you do this to the colonists, Talbot? You heard about the attempted coup! You know what Cerberus is capable of!" Shepard insisted. Maybe there was a chance Talbot could be made to see reason. Hadn't she woven her tapestry of words and shown Saren the error of his ways in the end?

Talbot shot her a dark look, fury pulsating in her eyes.

"I don't see the Alliance offering their help! I read the response they sent to Ernesto's message. No one in the Alliance cared about a few colonists losing their lives! They left us here to die! Ask any of the other colonists and they'll tell you the same," she hissed, anger growing with each passing word.

She began pacing back and forth. "Cerberus reached out to us first, Shepard. They contacted Robert first when the first attack hit. Offered their protection, even to evacuate us if attacks showed no sign of stopping. And he refused. He said he'd rather a Reaper tear him apart than accept the aid of terrorists."

She shook her head, more strands of raven hair coming loose from her bun. "He was always such an Alliance loyalist, even when they pulled the unit out. I asked Robert who were the real terrorists, the people who were going to allow innocent colonists to be slaughtered or an organization, despite its terrible actions, willingly wants to help?

"He didn't like that one bit. He told me to drop the issue."

"You honestly think they're doing this out of the kindness of their hearts?" Shepard asked, unable to hide her shock. How could a woman who had grown up in the slums be this naive? It had to be pure desperation driving her at this point.

"It was a choice between letting the Reapers annihilate us or accept the help you're offered. I preferred my chances with the latter. So I called them back, told them we wanted the help. They promised to send Cerberus troopers within the week and put me in contact with Colb," she gestured to the operative, "who recently came back to the colony after a tour with Cerberus in the Hades Gamma cluster. His wife was one of the first victims of the attacks."

Shepard thought back to her initial encounter with this operative, remembering the extreme bitterness in his tone, directed towards the Alliance.

"Your husband must have found out," Shepard argued.

"Of course he did. It didn't take much more than looking through surveillance cams of me talking to Colb or on a vid-link with Cerberus." Her face then fell, her eyes closing as if in deep emotionally pain. "He warned Ernesto of what I had done, then rushed to confront me. But he barely got two words out to me before we received word of another attack. My last moment with him…and all because he was too stubborn…"

Talbot fiddled with her ring on her left hand, her thumb rubbing over the small stone at the center of the ring. "You went through the raid, Shepard. You know what it's like to lose everything you hold dear. His death strengthened my conviction to accept Cerberus's help. When I first contacted them, I had merely wanted them to help repel the Reaper forces, but once I realized how relentless they are, I requested evacuation.

"And after days of endless waiting, it'll soon be over. Before we lost our transmitter, I received word of their impending arrival. They're coming now, Shepard. Soon this nightmare will be over and the colonists will be safe," she said, relief passing through her body, the muscles on her face relaxing at the thought.

"Even if it means selling the colonists out to a known terrorist organization."

"Look in the mirror, Shepard, You joined them to take down the Collectors," Talbot said, shaking her pistol in Shepard's direction, her words eerily similar to those of traitor Spectre, Tela Vasir.

"I never joined them," Shepard said, gritting her teeth. "They funded my mission; that's all." Shepard had known she would eventually break ties with the Illusive Man, even when she accepted his assistance. Their ideologies, their methods, were polar opposites, not meant for a lasting partnership. Allying with Cerberus had a means to an end. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Your actions are no different than mine. You just accepted their help…as I've done."

"I can get all of you out of here. My ship is coming back," Shepard insisted, feeling like she was arguing with the Illusive Man all over again.

"And then what, Shepard? You'll drop us off somewhere, wash your hands of us? We'll live in limbo on the Citadel until another attack or be kicked off because there's no room and left to fend for ourselves? The Alliance abandoned us once before and they will do it again! Including you! You didn't bother to come assist us until now and this was your own home!" Talbot yelled.

The guilt and shame were coming back at Talbot's words, but Shepard refused to let Talbot see how much her words got under Shepard's skin.

"The Alliance is useless and Shepard should have come sooner, but you…you really fucked us over. This will only end in more bloodshed, Margaret."

Everyone's attention fell on Zabaleta, who still kept his gaze firmly locked on the ceiling.

"We're already swimming in blood, Ernesto. Besides, the only thing you've done is verbally attack me. I haven't seen you make any discernible efforts to stop it," Talbot argued.

"At least I didn't whole heartedly agree to it, even when Robert was killed. We wanted to leave, but being the stubborn woman you are, you convinced Robert to stay. Then once you realized your mistake, you saw Cerberus as the only way to correct it. And no you're relying on the colonists same hatred for the Alliance, hoping that will be enough to go along with this!" Zabaleta said, some of his old spark returning.

"He's long outlived his usefulness, Governess. It would be better just to kill him" the operative, Colb, finally spoke. Shepard tried not to focus on the large neon holes in his faces that now served as his eyes. Her skin crawled and shivers ran down at her spine at the sight of them.

Talbot shook her head. "He's locked down the surveillance system." She turned to Zabaleta. "What did you get off of there?"

A sneer escaped Zabaleta, who was seemingly unfazed by his defenseless position. "What makes you think I copied anything? Maybe I locked you out just to fuck with you."

Colb's fist flew out, hitting Zabaleta square in the jaw, a cracking noise filling the room on impact.

"Maybe that'll teach you to shut up," Colb snarled.

"Though you were Cerberus's lapdog, not hers, Colb," Zabaleta replied, gingerly turning his head.

"I won't ask again, Ernesto." Talbot now pointed her pistol at Zabaleta's forehead. "What did you find?"

"Why does it matter now, Margaret? Shepard and I are trapped here, and you don't need to keep her from finding out anything," he said, his words slurring as he tried to speak without much movement in his jaw. "Unless…you're afraid the colonists will find out."

The frantic look that passed Talbot's eyes betrayed her.

"There was nothing on his omnitool, Governess, I checked it thoroughly," Colb interjected.

Zabaleta continued, as if Colb had never spoken. "You're afraid the colonists will find out their perfect governess willingly asked for Cerberus's help…because she herself couldn't keep them safe."

Talbot's eyes flashed in barely restrained anger. She dug the muzzle of her pistol into his forehead.

"Tell me what you found, Ernesto!"

Zabaleta didn't bother fighting back a humorless chuckle. "Or what, Margaret? Your threats are meaningless. You don't have the balls, and even if you did, death would be a welcome relief for me."

While Talbot's and Colb's attentions were forced on Zabaleta, Shepard attempted to free her right arm and activate her omnitool, or even better, her omniblade.

She quickly discovered that the fasteners hovered too closely to her body to wriggle her arm across. Though she didn't have much room to turn, she had enough to prop herself up and reach her arms around her back. She slowly inched up to the fastenings, hugging them against her chest, reaching her arms behind her, fingers hovering over the omnitool.

A hand shot out and clasped her jaw, another wrenching her omnitooled arm back in front, causing Shepard to bite her lip at the pain. Thankfully the arm didn't seem to be dislocated, but it still hurt like hell.

"You're persistent, Shepard. Kai Leng was right about you," Colb drawled, leering down the length of her body.

Her eyes widened at the mention of Kai Leng. Was he one of Leng's disciples, a Cerberus Phantom? Weren't Phantoms typically women, though?

Shepard twisted her jaw around, trying to wrench it from his ice cold grasp, all the while trying to ignore the throbbing pain radiating from her shoulder.

"You betray your own race, Shepard," he continued, "siding with aliens, especially turians." He leaned closer towards her, his glowing eyes boring into hers.

"See this?" he asked, pulling out the sword at his side she hadn't noticed before. "Coated with an entirely new poison, specifically designed for turians. No known cure. The last turian I used it on, took him a day to die. Bleed to death inside, organs turned black." His sneer widened. "Let's find out what happens to yours."

Shepard lay on the stretcher, fury coursing through her body at his words. The colony girl, who would have cowered in fear at his threat, had completely disappeared, no trace of her remained. The Commander had taken over, and this prick had another thing coming if he tried to hurt Garrus. Or Tali, for that matter.

"There'll be no need for you to touch either the turian or quarian, Colb," Talbot spoke, sending Colb a firm glance.

"They're a liability, Governess, they could try and come for Shepard," Colb protested.

"That problem will sort itself out in the next few minutes," Talbot reassured.

"Why?" Shepard asked, suspicion creeping into her voice at Talbot's certainty.

"There's another reason why that distress signal is sending out the weak pulse. Another faulty piece of equipment the Alliance didn't bother to replace. Anything stronger than the current frequency, the beacon will overload and take out anyone within a close radius."

Did the Alliance give Mindoir nothing but faulty equipment?

But Shepard knew Tali. She was one of the best engineers and technicians in the galaxy. She would spot it in time.

"And if that fails?"

Talbot turned to a nearby console, a VI popping up quickly at its center, issuing an emotionless greeting to Talbot.

"Activate detonation sequence Omega 157-Alpha 695 for Area 1, code input Bravo-7895-Charlie-Alpha-9631-Code Omega execution," Talbot recited, no trace of hesitation on her face.

"Processing. Code accepted. Detonation will commence in exactly ninety seconds. Locking the door and elevator in Area 1 in preparation for detonation. Can I be of further assistance, Governess Talbot?" the VI asked, completely unaware of the murder it would be assisting in.

Talbot thanked the VI and logged out, turning back to Shepard, the mask of cold determination still holding firm.

"I take no pleasure in this, Shepard, but sometimes sacrifices must be made."

Shepard was trying not to show the fear now gripping her stomach, burrowing deep inside and taking hold. She only had a minute and a half to warn them. If there was no other way out…

No, she knew Garrus and Tali. They would realize something was wrong, they'd decide to come look for her…

They had to. She couldn't lose either of them. Not now, not even before the final battle with the Reapers.

"Cerberus won't save you, Talbot," Shepard tried again, realizing this was her only chance. "They'll take the colonists away to some facility and experiment on them! No matter what the Alliance has done, or you think I haven't done, we're better than Cerberus! Look what they do to their own!" Shepard gestured to Colb.

"They only give these enhancements to the military division. We will give these colonists refuge, just as we did with so many others."

"And how of them have never been heard from again?" Shepard shot back.

He grabbed Shepard by her injured arm, twisting it around as he spoke, probably hoping to pop it out of its socket. "And how many colonists were abducted by the Collectors? How many died from the Reapers because of the Alliance's negligence?"

"That's enough, Colb." Colb released Shepard's arm at Talbot's call. "There's no point in trying to convince her. Just as there's no point in trying to convince me, Shepard. My mind was made up for me a long time ago."

Talbot strode over to Zabaleta, undoing the restraints on his stretcher. Shepard took a closer look at Zabaleta. He nursed a broken right arm, on top of the injuries to his face, the bone jutting out at the elbow. The source of a lot of pain, no doubt.

"Keep watch on her. She could still be an insurance policy. I'm taking Ernesto back to the surveillance room."

Talbot pushed Zabaleta forward towards the door, but not before Zabaleta's eyes caught hers. The disdain that had been in his eyes before was gone, as was the hatred usually etched on his face. In that moment, he didn't look like someone who had lost his mind to PTSD, didn't look like someone who would erupt into random anger outbursts. Shepard couldn't exactly read his expression, but it urged her to fight, to free herself, to stop this from happening.

Was this Zabaleta's plan all along, to get caught like this? Or did he just want Talbot exposed to the colonists and came down here for the evidence and accidently got caught? And why had been so desperate to get the comm system working again if it wasn't to contact Cerberus? Had he actually tried to contact the Alliance again?

She would get a straight answer from him once she got everyone off Mindoir, but first she had to free herself.

As the door opened, a booming noise echoed through the hall and a slight tremor rocked the room.

Shepard's heart dropped at the sound, the movement.

"No one will be coming to your rescue now, Shepard," Colb whispered, the poisonous words oozing into her ears.

No. They were alive! They had to be!

Shepard's face clinched tightly, her body trembling, grief morphing into fury.

"I won't let you hand the colonists over to Cerberus, Talbot! I swear it!" Shepard cried as struggled against the restraints with a renewed vigor, the faces of Alice and her father and son, all those scared colonists, and those of her parents and Bran flashed before her eyes.

Talbot spun around, shooting Shepard an icy look, her grip on Zabaleta's shoulder tightening. "I'm not handing the colonists over to anyone, Shepard. I'm rescuing them, ensuring they will be looked after during this endless war."

"But I'm the only one who can end this, not Cerberus!"

Shepard's cry fell on deaf ears, however, as the door closed behind Talbot and Zabaleta, leaving Shepard alone with Colb. Shepard continued pushing against her restraints, hoping mere force would be enough.

"Don't bother struggling to escape, Shepard. There's only one other way out of here and you have no way of knowing where it is," Colb said, the edges of his lips curling at the sight of her helpless form.

Shepard glared up at Colb, at his glowing neon eyes pulsating with synthetic energy.

"How did no one notice your appearance?" Maybe if she kept him occupied, that would give Tali and Garrus time. She had to hold onto the hope they were still alright. They had been in much worse situations than this.

"I came back without fanfare about a month before the first attack. The Illusive Man knew I lived in Mindoir and wanted someone stationed here, the childhood of the great Commander Shepard," he said, sarcasm dripping on the last words. "I hardly went out. Anytime I did, I wore a helmet. Cited lung damage, no one questioned it. I was considered an unsung hero for being a supposed Alliance marine willing to disobey orders to stay in Mindoir."

"And your wife?" Shepard asked, dreading the answer.

Colb shrugged. "She knew I was with Cerberus, kept it secret. Mostly out of fear, but she loved me enough to protect me. She asked me to take off my helmet one night. I told her no and she pried it off me…" he paused, grimacing at the memory. "She pleaded with me to leave Cerberus, but I told her they were doing good things, despite what the ANN was saying. She eventually came around."

Shepard looked at him incredulously. "You mean you threatened her into submission!"

"Not directly. I just reminded her of what happened to people who betrayed Cerberus, that if she told anyone, I couldn't guarantee her safety. Turns out Cerberus didn't need to do a thing," he said, his matter-of-fact tone filling Shepard with disgust.

"She was your wife," Shepard hissed. What had the Illusive Man done to his soldiers? Had he truly had their humanity taken away?

"And I loved her dearly, but Cerberus and the Illusive Man's goals are clear." The edges of his lips curled again into an eerie grin. "Imagine the reward for handing Commander Shepard over to him."

Before Shepard could reply, the door opened again. Instead of Talbot and Zabaleta standing in front of them, a familiar drone with its purple aura floated a few inches from the floor, and Shepard had never been happier to see it in her life.

Chiktikka instantly fired shock pulses at Colb, the force causing him to sway and loose his footing. He reached for his gun, but he didn't get far when the vent door at the end of the room was blown open and bullets struck Colb on his other shoulder, his gun falling from his hand.

Shepard turned towards the source of the shot. A turian crawling out of the now open ventilation shaft that barely looked wide or tall enough for him to fit in, his assault rifle pointed directly at Colb. As he quickly righted himself, Shepard took in his defensive stance, his narrow eyes and the fire building within them.

A cry of rage escaped Colb, moving swiftly towards Garrus, grabbing his sword and raising it to strike at him. He dodged Garrus's shots, agile in his movements. He was still on a direct path towards him. All it took was a well-placed slice to the neck, the only unprotected area of Garrus's armor. And turians were not known for their quick reflexes or light movements.

Garrus fired again, this time hitting Colb in the gut, the shots burrowing into his body, finding bones or synthetics to rest in, not coming out the other side. His movements slowed, his knees buckled at the shots, but he had enough momentum to make one final lunge at Garrus.

Time literally slowed down as Shepard watched bullet after bullet releasing from Garrus's rifle, some zooming past Colb, some hitting him, yet not stopping his progress. Garrus had little room to maneuver from his position.

Then, a larger bullet flew through the air, zooming towards Colb's head. It made impact right in the center of his skull. He lurched forward, his sword barely a few inches from Garrus's neck before he fell to the floor, his limbs flailing wildly in different directions. His blinding neon eyes dimmed and finally shut off as he took his last breath.

From the doorway, Tali holstered her shotgun on her back, limping over to release Shepard from her restraints.

"Keelah, Jane, are you alright?" she asked, helping Shepard back on her feet, her eyes resting on Shepard's limp arm.

"Never mind me. You two alright?" Shepard asked, a mix of relief and concern laced in her voice, while fighting the urge to crush them both in a death grip and not let go. "How did you even know about the blast?"

"When I figured out the transmitter would overload if put at a higher frequency. Plus it doesn't take a genius to realize something's wrong when the door and elevator randomly lock. We went straight into the vent once we saw the door locking." Tali shuddered. "Never thought I would have to crawl around in vents again. And it was even more of a struggle with this damn leg. Thankfully Garrus has a keen sense of direction."

Garrus still hadn't said anything, instead checking Shepard over, eyes falling on her injured arm just as Tali's did. The fire in his eyes grew.

The fierce protectiveness which radiated from him made Shepard feel all warm inside, just as it did when he reaffirmed his vow that no one better hurt her. If Colb wasn't already dead, Shepard was positive he would have been subjected to the same types of deaths the mercs on Omega received.

"You're never going alone on missions, Jane. Never… again," Garrus finally said, his voice low and serious, yet his sub-flang carried a note of anguish.

Shepard nodded, her eyes softening at his words. It's not like she could disagree with him. She really didn't seem to have a good track record going on solo missions. "Not when I always seem to be with people who reveal themselves to be enemies." She issued a weary sigh. "I should have seen Talbot's betrayal coming."

"We heard snippets carrying through the vents," Tali said, unfazed by the news. "And I saw Talbot take Zabaleta to the surveillance room."

Shepard quickly filled them in on what had transpired and what she had learned about Talbot, Zabaleta, and Cerberus.

"It's strange Zabaleta didn't try to warn us," Garrus remarked.

"Do you think there's something else going on with him?" Tali asked, leaning against the stretcher.

"I don't know. Maybe this is all part of a convoluted plan of his or if he didn't believe we could do anything to stop it until now. I don't know, but what I do know is Cerberus is coming. We have to warn the colonists and keep them safe until the Normandy arrives, but first, we need to get to the surveillance room. That's probably where the other exit is."

Shepard reached for her Mattock, securing it to her back, not allowing her other arm to take the bulk of the weight. She then went for her Widow, but Garrus had already retrieved it for her, holding it out for her to take. As she grabbed it from him with a thankful glance, Garrus's hand lingered over hers for a brief moment, squeezing it tightly in his, before pulling away.

"Right. Let's go," she said, grabbing her Locust and rushing out the door, but slowing her movements at the pain shooting through her shoulder.

It didn't take too long to go down the hall. Small bands of smoke hovered through it, presumably from the damage up the hall. Surprisingly, the door to the surveillance room appeared to be unlocked and Shepard heard no activity coming from the other side.

The door slid open, revealing what Shepard had already suspected. Talbot and Zabaleta had vanished.

"See what info you can still get from the surveillance footage, Tali." Tali plopped herself down on the chair in front of her and set to work, scanning the nearby console with her omnitool and punching buttons here and there.

"Why would Talbot have set off like that?" Shepard wondered, searching the different monitors for clues, curious why the door and console now seemed to be unlocked.

"It might have something to do with this."

Garrus was pointing at a nearby monitor, the camera focused on a group of shuttles that had landed just outside the colony, a bunch of armed figures now at the entrance of the colony. All of them with a distinct gold logo…

"Damn it, they're already here! Tali, do you have anything?" Shepard rushed over to Tali.

"A lot of the footage seems irrelevant, but I did find a few encrypted files. Recently encrypted, by the time signature. It's surprisingly thorough for being done so quickly," Tali said, unable to hide her impressed tone.

"Zabaleta must have encrypted them. Those must be the video recordings Talbot was so desperate to get her hands on," Shepard replied.

"It wouldn't matter now," Garrus pointed out.

"Unless Talbot doesn't want it to appear she approached them for help, especially when Robert Talbot turned them down," Shepard said, remembering the panicked look on Talbot's face at Zabaleta's words.

Shepard turned back to the monitor, watching as mostly Cerberus troopers, along with a Nemesis and two Phantoms walked through the colony. They must have been expecting trouble.

Her eyes narrowed at the sword the Phantom carried. Who knew if all of those swords were poisoned?

"Stay away from those Phantoms, Garrus. The operative told me his sword was infused with a new poison specifically designed for turians. Killed the one he used it on within twenty-four hours. Let's not test it with this one," she said, trying to keep her voice light, hiding the fear.

"I tend to keep a wide berth from them anyway. Turians aren't known for being swift, afterall. That sword was poisoned? Lucky for me his aim was poor," Garrus replied, matching her light tone, probably to keep her at ease.

"You mean lucky for my shotgun. I told you it would come in handy one day," Tali added.

"I have no doubt it's useful. As long as you aren't threatening me with it, I'm fine with it."

It was then Shepard saw it, when Garrus's head had turned towards Tali. Her breath caught in her throat, her eyes widened and the fear came crawling back to the pit of her stomach.

"Garrus." All she could get out was his name on a choked breath, her hand shaking as it pointed near the back of his neck.

His gaze turned back to her, concern immediately sparking in his eyes. When he saw she was pointing at his head, his eyes widened in understanding. Garrus reached behind his head, feeling around. As he pulled his hand away back towards the front, the small smear of blue blood on his gloved talon shone in the nearby monitor's light.

* * *

A/N: As always, let me know your thoughts about this latest chapter! I'm shooting for another update in about two weeks.


	9. -9-

A/N: Once again, thanks to all who have favorited, are following, or reviewed this story (especially to Curls101, servantofclio, happylilcpck, and an anonymous poster for your reviews last chapter), you guys are awesome!

* * *

-9-

For a moment, the trio were frozen in place, trying to process this new revelation, the only sounds in the room heavy breathing and the droning of beeping consoles.

For her part, Shepard was fighting the urge to succumb to hysterical sobbing and hyperventilation. Was her old home forever meant to be cursed grounds, forever stained by the blood of innocents?

She couldn't lose anyone else on this damn colony, especially not Garrus. Didn't they have enough to contend without having to figure out how to cure Garrus from Cerberus poison in less than a day?

Shepard inhaled deeply and let out a shaky breath, trying to stay rational. They still had time, and she had already found that turian poison on Gellix when they rescued the ex-Cerberus scientists. All they had to do was grab the sword Colb had so the doctors could run tests, use that with the antidote for the old poison and create a new cure.

Clean and simple…

She just wished she could convince the rest of her body of the same, to stop her hands from shaking, her legs quivering under her like a newborn learning how to walk for the first time. She really didn't know how many more emotional blows she could take in such a short amount of time. How much more was the galaxy going to throw at her before this was all over?

"Well…this will definitely complicate things," Garrus broke the silence. His words were light in an attempt to cover the seriousness of the situation with humor, but Shepard didn't miss the strain on the tail end of them. Nor did she miss how his laser eyes fixated on her face, trying to gauge her reaction.

Her reaction. To _his _potentially lethal hit.

"You're oddly calm about this, Garrrus," Tali noted, her voice higher than usual, tinged with a note of panic.

He let out a weak laugh. "I'm terrified, actually. Just trying to ease the tension."

"It'll be alright. Huerta Memorial still has that antidote for that poison we found. They can probably use it to create a new one if we give them a sample," Shepard said, trying to sound like the confident commander who didn't need to be comforted or reassured.

"Where are you going?" Tali asked, her eyes focused on Shepard as Shepard headed back to the door.

"To get our sample. Continue decrypting, Tali. If Talbot somehow convinces the colonists to leave with Cerberus, we might need that vid. And Garrus, see if you can find our way out."

Before Garrus or Tali could reply, Shepard was already out into the hallway. The sparse grey clouds of smoke were still weaving through the hall, like a snake slithering towards its prey.

The sword was exactly where they had left it, in Colb's lifeless grip. Only upon closer examination did Shepard see the small trail of blue blood running down the tip of the sword.

As she retrieved the sword, she wanted nothing more than to kick this man's body repeatedly, stomp her boot on it, crush the bones beneath her (or, at least, one's not implanted with cybernetics). She wanted to take his sword and stab it repeatedly into his body until a sea of blood gathered around him.

Her self-control kicked in before she even lifted her hand to attempt the deed. Colb was already dead. Denigrating his corpse wouldn't change the facts. She couldn't go back and stop him from striking Garrus with that blow, albeit a very small one.

She could still take her anger out on living, breathing Cerberus troopers. Cerberus and the Illusive Man would rue the day they tried to harm her or those she cared about.

As she exited the room, she kept telling herself everything would be ok. Everything would be ok, once they dealt with Cerberus. The Normandy would come, pick them and the colonists up. Then they could travel to the Citadel. They could drop off the colonists and take Garrus to Huerta, where they could come up with a cure before Garrus experienced the worst of the symptoms. Or death.

Everything would be fine…

"That's what I thought about Thessia too," Shepard murmured outloud as she journeyed back to the surveillance room

As suddenly as the deep-seated fear had disappeared, it still stubbornly lurked, lying in wait for the opportune moment to strike.

_No! Nothing is taking Garrus from me! He'll be fine!_

She couldn't allow fear or grief to cripple her again. Not like it did with her parents. She now had the ability to channel those emotions, use them as fuel on the battlefield. She couldn't allow it to manifest any other way.

She had given into the release of her emotions, a soothing balm over an ugly wound that had not completely disappeared, at the memorial. Still, why did her eyes feel just as stingy as before, why did her chest feel like someone was crushing it in his fist?

_Do you honestly think one crying session will be enough, Jane? To make you forget you are not a super soldier, that you can still be vulnerable?_

Shepard barked at her inner voice to shut it as she entered the surveillance room again.

"Any luck?" Shepard asked, turning to Tali. Garrus was at a control panel at the other end of the room.

Shepard earned a vigorous nod from Tali. "I finished the decryption. Two of the files are corrupted, but there are two others still intact."

"How in the hell did Zabaleta have time to do this?" Shepard wondered.

"You said Talbot's husband found out from the video feeds. Maybe's he the one who combined the footage for Zabaleta to find," Garrus suggested, still typing away at the console.

"A definite possibility. Interesting Talbot didn't try to find it or delete before today, but maybe she didn't think she needed to…"

"Talbot seems very meticulous, though. You would have thought she would have all her bases covered." Garrus's gaze fell on the sword on Shepard's hand. "You got it without incident? Colb didn't come back from the dead and try to stab you with it?"

Despite herself, Shepard couldn't help the bitter chuckle that escaped her. "With how this day's going, it's a small victory."

If she kept her words light, like Garrus had, then it wasn't serious. She wasn't holding something in her hands that could be the deciding factor of whether or not Garrus would be alive in the next twenty-four hours.

Shaking her head to escape from the dark places her mind was sending her to again, she asked Tali to play back the recording, to see what was hidden.

What had caused Talbot to show that moment of panic.

The first video popped up on the larger monitor in front of Tali. It showed Talbot, pacing in front of a man in standard issue Alliance armor, plastered with blood. He watched Talbot pace back and forth, twirling his visor helmet in his hand.

"They offered us assistance and you refused to take it? What in the hell were you thinking, Robert?" Talbot asked, incredulous at her husband's actions.

"What I did was save us from more bloodshed. Cerberus is a terrorist organization, Maggie. The Illusive Man is only interested in furthering his own goals." Robert Talbot's soft voice reverberated with weariness so heavy Shepard was surprised he could still stand upright.

"Commander Shepard joined Cerberus," Talbot argued. Shepard fought the urge to roll her eyes at the statement. How many times had she heard that before, had been used against her?

"Not from her own choosing, from what I hear. We have enough problems with the Reapers, we don't need to add any more. The distress signal is active. The Alliance _will_ send reinforcements," Robert replied, his words confident.

Talbot paused her pacing, her face convulsed in disgust. "How can you still believe that? After they pulled the unit out? After they dismissed Ernesto's message as an exaggeration?! How can you still hold such faith in them? They denied the Reaper threat for two years! It took them raining fire down upon Earth for the Alliance to finally take action!" Talbot ranted, her face growing red.

"They're not infallible, Maggie, I recognize that, but there are some good people still in the Alliance. Like Commander Shepard. Maybe we could try calling upon her directly," Robert offered, probably hoping that would placate her.

"Shepard hasn't bothered to check on this colony in sixteen years! Why would she bother to help us now?" Talbot spat.

"She would if she knew we were under attack. She's never turned away from helping people in need," Robert insisted.

"For how long? She'll force us to leave, force us to live as vagrants on the Citadel or some Alliance station to be forgotten about! I'd rather die before I go back to living like that again!"

Shepard's eyebrow rose at her desperate tone. That certainly didn't sound like Talbot was acting like the dedicated governess, looking out for the best interests of her colonists.

"Unless this war ends soon, Maggie, we can't keep this up forever. We may have to leave," Robert admitted, reaching out to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Talbot pushed it away. "I will not leave! I refuse to give up what we've built here!"

Robert stepped back from Talbot, as if taking in his wife's insanity for the first time. Finally, he sighed, the weariness returning away. "If we must stay, I won't fight you on that."

He paused. "But we will fight the Reapers and wait for Alliance aid. I'd rather a Reaper tear me apart than be in the Illusive Man's debt. The price would be too high."

"Who are the real terrorists, Robert?" Talbot continued harshly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Cerberus has done terrible things, but at least they're offering to help us and not letting innocent colonists die! Just because the Alliance felt like it couldn't commit the resources!"

Robert inched closer to Talbot, hardly any space between their bodies.

"Drop it, Margaret." The warning was clear in his words, with a tone that didn't seem to fit with someone with Robert's cool personality, a dark cloud passing over his face.

Though Shepard was watching a recording, it was not difficult to sense how palpable the tension was between husband and wife. Shepard expected Talbot to issue another scathing reply, but all she did was nod, acknowledge his warning.

The video feed then turned to static, reappearing again with a feed of Talbot on a vid-com with what appeared to be a Cerberus agent.

"Glad to see at least you see the value in our assistance, Governess," the Cerberus operative drawled, his voice muffled due to the filters in his helmet.

"He will come around, once he sees your usefulness in protecting the colony," Talbot replied. "Reaper forces have already attacked twice; we need any help you can offer."

"Do not worry, Governess. Our forces will come by the end of the week, at the latest and set up our own defense system for the colony. We may need to ask the aid of some of your colonists," the operative continued.

"Fine," Talbot barked, her eyes staring determinedly at the screen in front of her. "Just…keep us alive."

"Our service comes with the Illusive Man's personal guarantee, Governess. We will not fail you. We'll inform our operative there in Mindoir, put you in touch with him," the operative promised.

"The Illusive Man's guarantee, huh?" Shepard muttered, as the video suddenly cut off and turned to static again. "He just sees them as more resources to exploit."

"Desperation strikes again, it seems," Garrus commented, not needing to say to whom he was referring.

"The colonists need to hear this for themselves."

Shepard strode over to the console, copying the decrypted files to her omnitool.

"Now we've got to get out of here. Have any luck, Garrus?"

"Well, I was fiddling around with this control panel, thinking it would require some elaborate hacking techniques. Then I looked up and saw a space in the wall here," Garrus said, offering a small grin as he walked back over to the wall and pushed against it, revealing a hidden opening. Rather, a short hallway leading to another elevator.

"Your detective skills are still sharp as ever, Garrus." Shepard turned back to the surveillance monitor, watching more Cerberus troops pour through the colony. If any of the marines still alive were out on patrol, they didn't stand a chance.

"Let's move."

At Shepard's call, Tali raised herself up from her chair and almost toppled to the floor if not for Shepard catching her at the last second.

"I'm fine, just…feeling more lightheaded than before," Tali said.

"You're in no shape to engage Cerberus, Tali," Shepard replied firmly. "You still feeling alright, Garrus?"

"Nothing yet. Hopefully the symptoms can be kept at bay for a little longer."

"I can walk, Shepard, really. Just…give me a moment," Tali insisted.

Shepard knew they didn't have time to debate this, so for the moment, she let Tali do it her way and Shepard released her hold on Tali once she was ready.

"C'mon. We've got to get up there before Cerberus loads them onto the shuttles," Shepard stated.

Tali walked through first, in case someone needed to support her again and entered through the hidden entrance, muttering something about how she was doomed to be subjected to cramped spaces.

Garrus gestured with his arm for Shepard to go through next. Instead of walking forward, her free arm grabbed the cowl of his armor, forcing him forward, his mouth plates crashing against her lips.

She hadn't planned on doing this. Just a simple hand on his shoulder pad, a stroke of his scarred plates she loved to run her fingers against, but as soon as he was in arm's length, something overcame her. Her fear, perhaps? That she had to commit the feel and taste of his rough lips, his musky scent, to memory?

She poured everything she had into that brief kiss, trying to let him know that she would fight to her last breath to save him, that she couldn't live without him. Judging from the force of his plates upon her lips, he reciprocated.

"Garrus," she said his name again in a breathless whisper as she pulled away, not saying anything else, her concerned eyes doing the rest of the talking. For someone with such a gift of words, she couldn't find them.

Because as she had proved on Thessia, determination could only get one so far.

Because she couldn't tell him she would definitely save him, even if she kept telling herself that. Certainty was a luxury she couldn't afford anymore, and her ability to hope had been severely shaken.

Yet, he knew. He could always sense her inner turmoil. Perceptive where it counted.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. And we'll get through this." He ran the backs of his talons along her cheek and she leaned into his touch. "We always do."

* * *

The elevator arrived back at the ground floor, albeit a completely different area of the compound. Though there were more chunks of broken glass, fallen beams and power wires, and fractured walls, thankfully nothing was obstructing the elevator doors.

A low moan had Shepard's Locust cocked and ready with her left hand (her right still clinching the sword, despite the dull throbbing in her arm), her blind instinct to protect herself kicking in. She cautiously stepped out of the room and into the nearby hallway, where the noise increased in volume the further she went.

When they finally reached the end, Shepard spotted a lone form propped up against the wall, clutching the bleeding wound at his left thigh. Like with Barnes, Zabaleta was making a vain attempt to stop the bleeding.

So Talbot apparently had had the balls. Though why not shoot him somewhere that would guarantee instant death?

Zabaleta turned his fevered eyes on the trio at their approach.

"Knew you'd make it out, Shepard. Even you two made it out without a scratch," Zabaleta noted, hissing in pain.

"Not quite. Colb struck Garrus on the neck," Shepard said, not needing to say any more as she holstered her weapon and wordlessly applied medigel to his wound.

Zabaleta offered nothing more than a hum of acknowledgement, taking note of the sword in her hand, but Shepard didn't expect their relationship with him to suddenly be all fluffy despite being on the same side. At least, she believed they were. Too many unanswered questions remained to be completely certain.

"Margaret went to meet with Cerberus and convince the colonists to leave with them. You've got to stop this, Shepard," he growled, wincing at any sudden move of his leg.

"You didn't seem so confident in my abilities before. Why now?" Shepard demanded.

Zabaleta stared at her through narrow eyes. "This isn't fucking story time, Shepard. We have more important things to worry about!"

"If you knew about Talbot, why didn't you warn me? You owe us a straight answer."

A pensive look briefly crossed Zabaleta's face, closing his eyes as if deep in thought. As if in emotional pain. "Sometimes people miscalculate, Shepard. Sometimes you let your emotions get in the way of judgment."

He then snapped out of his trance, opening his eyes, a blaze ignited within them again. "Once the colonists are safe, I'll tell you what you want to know, but you need to go now."

A frustrated sigh of her own escaped Shepard, sensing he wouldn't back down. Even if he wasn't being completely straightforward, he did seem intent on stopping Talbot. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend" was never a more appropriate saying. "Fine, but what about you? Can you move?"

Zabaleta vigorously shook his head from side to side. "Still hurts to move. Don't wait for me. I'll catch up."

In the back of Shepard's mind, she could not help but wonder if this was a trap of some kind, but Shepard was forced to dismiss it. As much as it pained her to admit, Zabaleta was right. Every second they spent arguing was another Talbot was using to convince the colonists to leave with Cerberus.

If Cerberus got them off world…there would be no hope in finding them.

"Assume you found the video Robert left for me," he stated.

When Shepard nodded, he continued, "Her reasons for wanting to stay were purely her own, but after Robert and the colonists began dying left and right, she became plagued by guilt. Yet even more convinced her path was justified. If she saves them…she believes she will find redemption."

His face scrunched in pain as he tried moving his broken arm. It fell limply at his side. "Emphasize her selfishness, her stubbornness, to the colonists. Emphasize that she failed them as their leader. Use your gift of words I've heard so much praise for."

Shepard frowned at his abrasive tone, but didn't object to it. Straightening up, she turned back to Garrus and Tali, telling them to move out and telling Zabaleta to meet up with them when he could.

Thankfully, there were no signs of Cerberus troopers around their location. They tried to keep low as they traveled down the hill, as they could have easily been spotted by someone from within the actual colony.

It wasn't until they approached the center Shepard spotted them, the Cerberus troopers, shifting from foot to foot, checking the ammo on their rifles. Hovering at the entrance as if waiting for someone to come back out of it.

Two assault troopers were dragging bodies to hide behind a pile of rubble. At closer glance, Shepard recognized one of the bodies as one of the ten surviving marines. When they saw Cerberus approaching, did they fire on them once they saw who they were? Did Cerberus take them by surprise? Did Cerberus pretend to come in peace and shoot them when they had their guard down? Did Talbot herself allow Cerberus to do this, or did she willingly close her eyes to it?

Shepard could only hope there were still a few inside, who would remember their former allegiance, who would resist Talbot.

The trio ducked into an empty building across from the colony headquarters, taking note of the layout.

"We've got to get in there before Talbot leads them out here, else this could turn into a real mess if some resist," Garrus said, already pulling out his assault rifle, but Shepard laid a hand on his wrist to stop him.

"I need you both to stay out here. It'll be easier for me to go in undetected," Shepard stated, already knowing that Garrus would not readily agree.

""Like hell you are!" Garrus clearly had not forgotten his vow to never let her go solo.

"If this is about me, Shepard, I can do this!"

Shepard shook her head. "You're getting worse, Tali, don't try to deny it. And I need you both here to give the colonists support if Cerberus starts getting impatient and tries taking people by force."

"But, Jane," Garrus tried again, his voice just as soft as when she went underwater to meet the Leviathan.

Shepard placed a finger against his mouth plates, quieting him.

"I know you don't like me going in alone, but I won't be caught off guard again, I promise. This is something I have to do. I owe it to these people, Garrus," Shepard said, hoping he would understand.

After a moment, he shook his head at her stubbornness. For as stubborn as he was, she was ten times that. As much as Shepard knew he wanted to, he couldn't make her take him with her, not when it was a more sound decision for him and Tali to stay outside.

"I'm holding you to that promise," he finally replied, just as softly as before.

"Says the selfless turian who was just struck by a sword embedded with a lethal poison," Shepard replied, no trace of humor in her voice, while searching for any signs of physical pain on his face.

"I'm hard to kill, you know that," he replied, though more solemnly than when he said those words on Menae.

_I hope so._

She handed Tali the sword, entrusting its safeguard to her.

"No heroics. From either of you," Shepard warned, fixing them both with a stern glance. Armed with their promises, she crawled out of the building, locking the door behind her.

She then activated her tactical cloak, hoping that it would actually last the extended length of time the description on the upgrade bragged about. She still kept her steps light, as invisibility sadly did not soften the crunching of the ground underneath her boots.

By the time she got to the breached wall at the headquarters, the tactical cloak had dissipated, forcing her to slink behind the wall to avoid the watchful eyes of a nearby trooper until he passed.

The bodies of the fallen still lay on the floor, eyes wide open with terror, mouths agape in wordless screams. Shepard mourned for their loss, the treatment of their bodies, for they would not have the luxury of being properly laid to rest. The floor would be their graves, until their bodies turned into nothing more than dust and bones.

The fate of many during this war.

As Shepard sprinted up the stairs, she couldn't help but worry about Garrus and Tali. What if Tali started having more dizzy spells? What if Garrus started feeling the effects of the poison? Maybe she shouldn't have left them behind; maybe it hadn't been a good call. Hadn't bad luck already come from being separated?

Unfortunately, it was too late to do anything about that now, to second guess herself. She had to push forward. Too much time had already been wasted.

Shepard quietly strode towards the Mess Hall, activating her tactical cloak again before she approached the entrance, ducking behind the wall and poking her head out to see in.

Talbot stood at the bottom of the stairs, the colonists gathered around her in a semi-circle.

"I know this isn't ideal, but these people discovered the signal and are offering to evacuate us to a safe haven, where we can be free from the fears of the war. And they're offering it now," Talbot insisted.

"But they're Cerberus, Governess. Can we trust them at their word? With that attack on the Citadel, skirmishes with Alliance units, can they really keep us safe?" Shepard glanced out, trying to pinpoint who had spoken in the crowd. Her gaze landed on the man, who had an assault rifle firmly in both hands. It was the marine who had reported the casualties from the last attack, the one who had witnessed Zabaleta's outburst.

Shepard continued surveying the crowd, spotting only two others with weapons in their possessions.

Six people (really five) providing cover against an entire, well-prepared and armed Cerberus platoon. It wasn't like Shepard hadn't faced large numbers of enemy forces with a small squad before, but Shepard rarely had to cover civilians while doing it.

Of course, this was assuming the marines agreed to fight against Talbot.

Talbot pounced immediately, hoping to banish away his uncertainty.

"I know what we heard from the ANN isn't pleasant, to say the least, but these men and women willingly came to our aid as soon as they discovered the signal while in orbit, despite their organization's reputation. Can you honestly say the same for the Alliance, Matthews?" she asked, her voice even, emotions kept in check.

Matthews shifted, his face falling into a deep frown as he presumably remembered the Alliance's recent departure from the colony.

"What about Commander Shepard, Governess? She said her ship would be coming soon."

Alice. She stood at the far end of the crowd, one sleeve splotched with a patch of blood (most likely her father's blood), John leaning against her side and taking in his surroundings with searching eyes.

A wave of murmurs went through the crowd at the mention of Shepard's name.

"I appreciate what the Commander has done, Alice, but time is of the essence. The Reapers could attack again, at any moment. We don't know when Shepard's ship will arrive.

"Besides," she continued, "she'll only be able to do so much for us. She'll drop us off somewhere where we'll have to fend for ourselves again. I'm more interested in finding us a permanent haven, not a mere respite. I think we all deserve that much."

Her voice softened, talking as soothingly as a mother to her terrified children. "Please. If you can't trust Cerberus, will you at least trust me? Have I not tried to protect you all? Have I not always done what was in your best interests as governess?"

Shepard took in the slouched shoulders, the strained looks on the faces of the colonists. Though some still looked uncertain, all of them just looked tired, like they had seen enough death and destruction and were ready for any end to their nightmare.

Talbot had certainly calculated this correctly, but she hadn't taken one outlier into account…

"Their trust in you would be horribly misplaced, Governess." The tactical cloak vanished, revealing Shepard at the top of the stairs.

She took in the growing whispers in the crowd, the shocked fury etched onto Talbot's face. Alice offered her a relieved smile at seeing Shepard still alive.

"You're trying to capitalize on their fear and distrust towards the Alliance, so you can believe your call for aid to Cerberus was justified," Shepard continued, throwing the accusations at Talbot.

Talbot's lips pursed and her eyes narrowed. A thin crack in her icy façade. "I didn't contact them! And I believed it was in the colonists' best interests to stay! Do you not care about their welfare, Commander?"

"I do, which is why I won't let you lead them like pigs to a slaughterhouse."

"I've been their governess for years, Commander. I know what's best for them, not you!" she insisted, her voice rising.

Shepard's omnitool flared as she punched in the buttons to play back the recording.

"Let them judge for themselves whether or not that's true, Margaret."

Shepard watched as the colonists listened to the video. The comments about the Alliance didn't seem to make as much of an impact, but Shepard immediately sensed the change halfway through, when Talbot dismissed calling upon Shepard, when her reasons for staying were clearly self-motivated, when she called Cerberus back and willingly offered the colonists to them.

Most faces Shepard saw transformed into masks of shocked outrage at Talbot's words, her actions. Cries from the crowd sparked when the video finally finished playing, growing in strength as more and more colonists joined in, adding their voices to this symphony of protest. Whatever strength had been knocked out of them had come roaring back, even if it was just for one brief moment. Whatever belief and trust they had still held for their governess had weakened in the face of this vid.

Talbot frantically scanned the crowd, all visage of a calm appearance gone as she sensed her loss of control of the situation. Finding no sympathetic faces (even among those who weren't issuing cries), she whipped out her pistol, brandishing it like a sword in Shepard's direction.

"Do you realize what you've done? What this is going to lead to?" Talbot cried.

"You created this mess all on your own," Shepard argued over the din of the crowd.

"The Alliance created it when they abandoned us to our fates! When people like _you _never even bothered to check on us!" Talbot exclaimed, growing more agitated.

"That's because you never even tried," Shepard retorted, forcing herself to remain unfazed by Talbot's accusation.

"Don't patronize me, Shepard!" She pointed her pistol directly at Shepard.

"You have no idea of the pain and guilt that's consuming me day in and day out! You have no idea what I've been through!" Talbot cried, her voice tinged with hysteria. "This isn't the first time the Alliance abandoned me when I needed them most! I would have seen it coming sooner, if not for Robert's overt support for the Alliance!"

So that was it. That's why she didn't trust the Alliance. Had relatives, parents, of hers died while on Earth, then she was left to be forgotten about in some Alliance center?

"It's not too late, Margaret," Shepard said, her voice gentler, trying once again to appeal to her better nature. Shepard doubted its success, but it was worth trying.

"No, it _is _too late," Talbot said, voice quivering. "Peoples' deaths are on my hands, Shepard, but I can still find absolution. I will do exactly what Robert would have wanted! I _will_ save the colonists! And I will do it _my _way!"

That would be a "no" in trying to talk reasonably, then.

"It'll be hard to lead them to the shuttles when the way is blocked," Shepard commented, Locust still raised.

No sooner were those words out of Shepard's mouth, and before Talbot could reply, violent quaking shook the building and objects like large hailstones the size of boulders struck the roof.

Before anyone could move a muscle, a part of the roof collapsed, sending debris scattering over the colonists. Along with a few husks and cannibals moving in through the hole.

The colonists scrambled up the stairs, almost knocking Shepard aside at the force. Talbot had moved to the side to push the colonists forward, urging them to head to the shuttles. Shepard cried for them to stay hidden, not to leave, but any support Shepard garnered may have gone completely out the window as panic and blind instinct to survive set into the colonists. Matthews and the two other soldiers doubled back towards the med-bay, to protect those still inside to the last breath.

Shepard pushed her way through the crowd, to make a grab for Talbot, but Talbot instead latched onto Shepard's injured arm and tossed her down the rest of the stairs as if she were a rag doll, before following the last of the colonists up.

She yelped in pain as her arm curled under her on her landing, her shoulder smacking the floor. What had been a dull throbbing before was searing pain. She saw stars as she struggled to raise herself up, but she was then helped by pairs of arms.

Alice had rushed over, pulling Shepard to her feet by her waist, John helping by taking hold of her left hand in both his tiny ones.

Two husks started sprinting towards them, but Shepard was coherent enough to direct an incinerate blast their direction and stopping them in their tracks.

"Come on!" Shepard grunted, shaking Alice's hold on her. "We've got to get you both out of here!"

Shepard had to get outside, provide cover for the colonists from Cerberus. Even if some refused to go, they would be forced to, either by Cerberus at gunpoint or the Reapers attacking them.

Of all the scenarios to occur, this one would incite the most panic, work to Cerberus's advantage.

Had fate suddenly decided Shepard had been given too many lucky breaks in her life?

Alice tugged on her arm, stopping her progress to the stairs. "Wait, Jane! Papa is still in there, along with the others!"

Shepard chanced a glance over at the marines. One of them was blasted to the floor by a cannibal's gun. Only Matthews and one other remained, and though they were able to take down the cannibal a moment later, they didn't have proper cover. They wouldn't last long.

Talbot was now leading the rest of the colonists out to the supposed safety of the shuttles. Garrus and Tali could only take down so many enemies, especially now that they had Reapers to deal with.

She'd have to make a choice. Could she sacrifice the few to save the many? Do exactly what the Alliance did to these colonists in the first place? Look into Alice's pleading face, the searching face of her son, and tell them they had to leave? Cause the deaths of more innocents to weigh on her conscience, just like those quarian civilians she had sacrificed to save Admiral Zaal'Koris?

A wave of biotic energy suddenly swept across the room, sending the husks swirling in the air as they became trapped in the singularity's vortex, allowing the marines to focus on the other cannibal. And a familiar asari in white armor hopped through the hole in the ceiling, using biotics to airlift herself down.

They had done it. Joker had done it. Her ship and crew had made it back in time.

Maybe their luck was actually starting to turn around, afterall.

* * *

A/N: As always, let me know what you think! Again, I'm hoping for another update in about two weeks.


	10. -10-

A/N: Apologies for the slight delay. Had to plow through major writer's block to get here. As always, thanks to everyone who favorited, reviewed (especially to Curls101 for last chapter), and are continuing to follow this story!

* * *

-10-

With the remaining husks taken care of, Liara dashed over to Shepard.

"Thank the Goddess you're alright, Shepard." She scanned the room, taking note of the turian and quarian missing from Shepard's side. "Where are Garrus and Tali?"

"They're outside. Who's down here with you? Is Cortez here with the shuttle?" Shepard asked, gritting her teeth as she gingerly lifted her arm.

"Goddess, Jane, what happened to your arm?" Liara gasped, noticing how it hung limply at her side.

Shepard waved away her concern. "I'm fine, Liara, just tell me if anyone else is with you," she said, trying not to let the irritation creep into her voice.

It's not that she didn't appreciate Liara's concern, but her arm hadn't ripped out of its socket and hung by a muscle thread.

"We figured you could use the backup. Cortez dropped us all off, but there's a Harvester circling overhead and he had to leave. He'll land once the Harvester's dead. I thought I saw some dark haired woman leading the colonists outside. What happened to Zabaleta?"

"Zabaleta wasn't the one. It was Margaret Talbot, the Governess. We have to stop her before she leads the colonists to their deaths," Shepard said, already heading to the stairs, while calling out to Matthews she would send one of her squad as backup until everyone could be evacuated. Matthews offered a curt nod, then a brief salute in her direction.

Good to know even though he hesitated, he knew where his true loyalties lay. Not that Shepard blamed him for it. If Shepard had been in his position, she might have questioned it all too. Hadn't she done the same thing, by choosing to work with Cerberus over the Alliance in taking down the Collectors?

Enough, she scolded herself. She had beaten herself up about that long enough. She had done what she had to. In the end, she got the job done and she broke ties with Cerberus, with her honor intact.

Shepard turned back to Alice. "It'll be safer for you and John to stay here with your father. And if Talbot comes back for any reason, don't follow her to the shuttles. Let the soldiers and one of my squad handle it," Shepard said, hoping if Talbot reappeared, she wouldn't resort to violence to get them to cooperate.

Alice nodded, picking John up. He wrapped his stubby arms around her neck, burying his face into it. "I understand. We'll stay here with Papa. I... still can't believe Governess Talbot would do that. After all the terrible things we've heard about Cerberus."

"Grief and guilt have clouded her mind, Alice. It can happen to the best of us," Shepard replied, still clutching her limp arm in her hand to hold it in place.

"They really ought to make you a saint, Shepard. Only you would be so forgiving," Liara said, crossing her arms.

"I'm not. Nothing can justify what she did, but I understand her desperation," Shepard replied, realizing how much Liara had changed. No longer was she the asari who had confessed to feeling pity towards Saren.

"The others are frightened, Jane. I may not know most of them well, but I think some may still follow Cerberus to the shuttles," Alice warned, continuing to cradle John in her arms.

"I'll convince them otherwise. Just hang tight. It won't be much longer." The nightmare would soon be over for these colonists. Shepard could only hope hers wasn't about to continue.

"We will. And Jane... be careful out there."

Shepard squeezed Alice's shoulder, before taking off with Liara by her side.

She led Liara back to the lower floor. She provided Liara with the brief overview of events, which basically amounted to saying both Garrus and Tali had been injured, Talbot was the traitor, and though Zabaleta hadn't contact Cerberus, he remained a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.

"I should have looked more closely at the communications that passed to and from the colony. They weren't that heavily encrypted. Instead, I focused all my resources on Zabaleta," Liara said, remorse heavily laced in her voice.

"You didn't have a lot of time, Liara, and communications were down. Besides, the circumstantial evidence overwhelmingly pointed to him. I'm just glad you're here now," Shepard said reassuringly. She certainly would have better prepared if Liara had found the information on Talbot instead, but what was done was done.

"Me too."

She led Liara to the building where she had left Garrus and Tali, only to find it completely empty of any living presence, as if they had never been there.

"They must have been spotted and had to relocate," Shepard said, taking in the bullet hole seared into the wall to her left side.

"We should go and regroup with the others," Liara said, pulling at her good arm.

"Most of the colonists must be trapped in the buildings," Shepard said as she rushed out the door, hearing the gunfire and screams off in the distance.

Though she quickly ducked when she heard the cry of the Harvester and saw its shadow pass over her as it flew overhead, firing at Cerberus and the buildings in its path.

"Skipper! Liara! Over here!" Ash had taken cover inside the doorway of the ground floor of a home, Mantis in hand to set enemy targets in her sights.

"Where are the others? Can you see if the colonists are in the buildings?" Shepard asked, rushing over to Ash.

"Vega and the Prothean went to draw off enemy fire. I think EDI went with them too. Some woman led the colonists right to Cerberus, then they spread out between the buildings up ahead, but I'm not sure exactly where. A few are pinned down and a few others didn't make it. I'm sorry, Shepard," Ash said at the despondency that crossed Shepard's face at the news.

"It's fine, Ash. You haven't seen Garrus or Tali, have you?"

Ash shook her head, brow furrowing, loose hair bouncing around. "I thought they'd be with you. Did something happen?"

"Tali's injured and Garrus was poisoned by a Cerberus blade," Liara replied for Shepard.

"God…things really did go to hell down here. Haven't these colonists have suffered enough?" Was Ash thinking back to all those lives lost on Eden Prime all those years ago?

"I need you to help shore up the two soldiers in the building back there. They've got wounded civilians to protect," Shepard said, pointing to the nearby headquarters, breaking Ash out of her trance.

"Aye, aye, ma'am. Nothing's getting past me with this, "Ash said, lifting the Mantis. "Vega's upgrade gave it even more punch than usual."

Shepard's eyebrow rose. So James had told her. "I'm sure the Lieutenant'll be glad to hear that, LC."

"Don't get any ideas, Shepard. Next thing I know you'll be making Vega recite poems to me."

"Everyone has to have hobbies, Williams. Mine is getting involved in other people's business. Whether they like or not. And since you gave me ideas…" she trailed off with a fleeting smile.

"I'm heading inside now, before this conversation goes any further and I end putting my foot in my mouth. I'll be on the lookout for Garrus and Tali. Good luck, Skipper, Liara. Give them hell."

Liara and Shepard watched Ash head towards the headquarters before they headed further into the colony.

"I hope you're not planning to pair me up with anyone, Shepard," Liara said as they cut through the buildings to avoid exposure from stray enemy fire.

"You're safe, Liara, don't worry. By the way, heard from Feron lately?" Shepard asked behind a façade of innocence as they stepped over toppled chairs.

"About a week ago, yes. He seems to be doing alright, despite everything that's happened, though he sounded worried about..." Liara stopped, a slow blush creeping onto her cheeks. "Shepard."

The joking, teasing, felt good. Kept her mind off how dire things really were, how everything hung by a thin thread that could snap at any second. Yet she could not hide her concern at not spotting Garrus or Tali anywhere. Where could they possibly have ended up?

No sign of Talbot and Zabaleta was also unsettling.

They encountered pinned down civilians about a few buildings away. They cowered behind a cement wall guard, their hands covered over their heads as Cannibals and a Marauder advanced on them.

Liara sent a warp towards the Cannibals, which faltered at the force of the wrap. Shepard forced her attention on the Marauder, which could be taken out with a single shot, if she could lift her Widow.

That rifle was heavy to lift, even when her right arm wasn't shooting spears of pain around her shoulder.

She lifted it off her back with her omnitooled arm, but when her right arm tried to hold it, she almost dropped it on the floor from the sheer weight that her arm just couldn't handle.

Time for a little improv.

Initiating her cloak, she lowered her rifle to the edge of the window, using that as support as she took aim and fired a bullet through the Marauder's skull crossed with wires and tubes.

Once she finished securing her gun back in place, she approached the frightened colonists who looked up to her as if she was a messiah come back to Earth to lead her people to the promise land.

"It's not safe out here. Head back to the colony headquarters. Evac will be coming soon," she swore. This group didn't need any other incentive to get out of the line of fire, profusely thanking the two while running back to the safety of the large building at the end of the colony.

Hopefully it would still be just as easy with the others.

"We have to keep moving and find the others, Shepard." Liara broke her out of her thoughts.

Shepard nodded. "Let's move."

They continued cutting through the buildings as before, climbing between floors, over charred objects, fallen obstacles. The remnants of lives now broken in the face of disaster. At least the buildings hadn't been completely torched. Not like before, when most houses were burnt, with only pieces of dry wall, ash, and the foundations remaining for most structures after the raid. Not that that really mattered now. Mindoir was not inhabitable with the Reaper attacks. Their homes might as well have been destroyed.

They finally happened upon James, Javik, and EDI towards the entrance to the colony. They were taking cover on the upper floor of another home, firing ammo, biotics and tech powers through the windows to draw the attention of Cerberus. Though a few fired back, they remained focused on the Reapers. Once they were taken out, Cerberus could use the colonists as shields as they ran for the shuttles. Course, the colonists would be torn to pieces if too many Cerberus soldiers were killed at the moment. Especially with that Harvester still circling around.

A delicate balance to maintain.

"There you are, Lola. Been missing all the fun," James said, firing back at a Guardian.

"Hate to see what you call work, Vega," she replied, ducking behind the wall. Clearly more specialized troopers out there than she had thought.

"This is nothing, Lola. Just target practice," James grunted, firing a Striker assault rifle at a husk, popping in a new thermal clip between shots.

"Your overconfidence will get you killed, human," Javik said, firing a strong beam of aquamarine light from his rifle, from his vantage point only a few feet away, kneeling to take cover under the window.

"Have any of you seen Garrus or Tali?" Shepard asked. The different scenarios going through her mind were not filling her with any comfort, ranging from being shot dead, kidnapped by Talbot, kidnapped by Zabaleta in a maniacal rage. Or they could be safely hiding, but she wouldn't know for sure until she found them.

"I thought I saw Sparks and Scars duck into a building over there." James pointed to a building across the way, but flew down under cover as an array of bullets soared over him.

"You gotta do better than that, loco!" James attempted to fire again, but nothing happened when he pulled the trigger.

"Argh! God damn rifle! Second time this week it's done that!" He irritably shoved it onto his back, reaching for his shotgun when Shepard moved to remove her Mattock from her back.

"Here, James, take mine. Can't use it now anyway." She fiddled around for it, trying to awkwardly lift it over her head with her left hand instead of her right.

"Thanks, Lola. I'll take good care of her," he promised as he grabbed it. "What happened to your arm?"

"Later, Lieutenant," she ground out, clutching her shoulder. "Right now we got to keep the heat on. We can't let them get the colonists to the shuttles!"

"There is no need to worry about the shuttles, Shepard. The Harvester has destroyed all but two," EDI chimed in, pointing to the smoking wreckage and burning vehicles at the entrance to the colony.

"Good to know," Shepard said, a sense of relief washing over her, but unease still remained at seeing those two shuttles still intact. "But we still need to keep the pressure on so we can get the colonists back to the headquarters. Ash is there guarding wounded with two surviving soldiers."

"Perhaps we should set up rudimentary defenses outside the compound," EDI suggested.

Shepard glanced out the nearby window. "Would a turret work if you could re-route it?" she asked, taking note of two Combat Engineers, one of whom had still not deployed his turret.

"Possibly. I could not guarantee one-hundred percent probability of success at targeting Cerberus soldiers if they use the colonists as shields, but it should work. I would need someone to create the necessary distraction while I retrieve the turret," EDI replied.

"One turret will hardly be sufficient, Commander," Javik added.

"It's what we got, Javik, hopefully we won't need it. You and James will keep Cerberus busy while Liara and I lead the colonists out to run back to Ash and the others," Shepard said, mapping out the battleplan in her mind.

"Then once Cerberus and the Reapers are taken care of, we can find Garrus and Tali," Liara added.

"Alright, we all got our assignments. Cerberus is not escaping with any of these colonists! Watch your backs out there…and your heads."

Something was stirring within her again. Her drive, her focus, her determination that she would succeed in her mission. Perhaps it hadn't been completely beaten out of her.

"We're right behind you, Lola!"

Despite the Reapers' determination, they were clearly meeting heavy resistance from these cybernetically enhanced humans. The Harvester was the only thing that still gave the Reapers an edge, with it shooting red pulses from its head mounted cannons onto the battlefield. The group didn't have much time before all Reaper husks were disposed of.

"Take out the Engineer, but make sure the turret stay intact," Shepard instructed to James.

"You worry too much, Lola. Buggy and I will take care of it," James said, saluting her with her gun. Javik grumbled under his breath at the nickname (along with something about throwing him out the airlock when they got back on the Normandy), but followed James nonetheless.

"I'll take one side of the colonists, you take the other. If you run into trouble, signal for me. We should be able to see each other. Tell them to stay low and cut through the buildings until the Harvester's taken care of," Shepard said as she took note of the two buildings where most of the colonists had hidden.

"Got it, Shepard. We'll get them away from Cerberus, don't worry."

Shepard bolted under cover, turning invisible again, watching as James and Javik engaged husks and Cerberus, EDI waiting for her window to grab the turret.

Shepard found ten colonists hiding under the tables, the ones at the ends of them clutching onto their frames in death grips. Some sobbed brokenly, terrified at what could possibly happen next. Others were just as frozen as when Shepard first saw them at the headquarters. A new wave of panicked cries emitted from some of their throats when the Harvester shot at Cerberus, one of the pulses hitting the building and shaking it.

"You all need to head back to the headquarters. You'll be safer there. There are no Reapers down that way, and if you travel through the buildings and take cover, the Harvester won't be able to harm you," Shepard said, trying to sound as reassuring as possible.

Three people hopped to their feet at her words, but the others were too frozen with fear or looked thoughtfully out at the two remaining Cerberus shuttles.

"Maybe Governess Talbot was right. Maybe it would be better to go with them," a woman piped up from her hiding place, uncertainty heavy in her voice.

"Are you mad, Miles? That Harvester would shoot us down in a second. Even if we could make it, why should we? You heard the Governess on that vid. They only came because she called upon them. They want something from us." Thomas the technician was one of the colonists who had stood up, maintaining his ground.

"But what if they do take us to Sanctuary?" Miles argued, still making no sign of moving. "I've heard about others fleeing there."

"I know they may seem like a viable option to some of you, but trust me. They are not going to protect you," Shepard urged.

Miles frowned. "But how do you know for sure?"

Shepard couldn't believe the uncertainty still remained, after playing that vid to them, when it had seemed at first glance that most had protested Talbot's actions. But the woman Miles had a point. The vid had only proved Talbot's deception. There was no evidence of Cerberus's actions, of the atrocities they committed, and the colonists had never been exposed to them, other than through hearsay and reports.

An angry cry from the doorway brought Shepard's attention forward. She raised her pistol to fire, but stepped back in shock as shots flew from seemingly nowhere and the soldier collapsed to the ground in a heap. Revealing the figure of Zabaleta, limping into the room.

"You want to know why Cerberus can't be trusted." He pulled at the Cerberus trooper's helmet. "Look at what they do to their own," he growled, pulling the helmet off with a sharp tug.

Horrified cries uttered from the throats of the colonists, as they took in the cybernetic implants laced into his skin, eerily similar to that of a husk.

"If you go with them, that will be your fate. Transformed into one of the Illusive Man's mutants. So if you don't want that to happen, I suggest you listen to the Commander and take your chances. Run back to the headquarters," Zabaleta said, cringing as he inched himself forward, closer to Shepard.

Everyone got up on their feet at this point. Shepard took advantage to take note of the battlefield and Liara. EDI had launched her decoy, allowing two Cerberus Guardians to attack it while she sprinted away with the turret in hand, hiding behind cover when anyone spotted her.

Thankfully, their attention was not focused on EDI for long, courtesy of James, Javik, and the few husks that remained (the one time she'd be thankful to see a Brute still standing). The Harvester was off in the distance, chasing a shuttle around. She'd have to remember to thank Cortez later for the diversion.

Liara had begun leading her group of colonists outside, directing them to cut through the buildings. Before Liara followed them out, she caught Shepard's eye and gave her a sharp nod. She had gotten everyone on her side to leave, without Cerberus's knowledge.

"I told you before, Shepard. Fear is a powerful motivator."

Shepard frowned. Not how she would have approached it, but she honestly couldn't argue with the results.

"So it would seem. Glad to see you back up on your feet, Lieutenant," she said, not knowing what else to say, surmising that any expression of appreciation would be brushed aside.

"I'm not in your command, Shepard. Hell, not even in the Alliance anymore. Don't treat me like it."

"Let's just get them out." She moved to head to the doorway, but Zabaleta blocked her.

"I'll go back with them, in case we weren't lucky and Margaret's still alive," he stated.

"You can barely walk," Shepard pointed out, gesturing with her pistol to his broken body.

"Haven't forgotten that, Shepard. Long as you and your squad keep the bastards off us, there won't be a problem."

It crossed her mind, then. That Zabaleta could be planning something, but when she saw the resolve on his face, to possibly throw his life away to get the others to safety, she sensed it was genuine.

But she had been wrong before.

"We'll do what we can," Shepard promised, shaking off the doubt.

Zabaleta cocked his gun, waving the colonists forward. "Shepard. One more thing." He leaned in closer so only she can hear. "If you find Margaret…I think you know what needs to be done if she doesn't see reason."

Shepard fixed him with a stern gaze. "Only if it's absolutely necessary."

A flash of light caught the corner of Shepard's eye. She barely threw herself down in time to avoid the sniper shot from a Nemesis, ignoring the pain in her arm as she did so.

"We'll cover you. Go now!" Shepard cried to Zabaleta, who led the colonists out the door. Shepard lifted herself off the floor, following close behind them, taking note of Zabaleta directing them through the next building.

Their biggest threat came not from Cerberus, but the Brute rushing towards them. Shepard screamed for them to move, firing an incinerate, hoping to slow the Brute down. She fired bullet after bullet from the Locust, hoping to damage the armor, but the Brute would not break from its intended target. It wanted to rip the defenseless colonists to shreds.

Then, a bright purple ball appeared by her side and fired electric pulses at the Brute, distracting it enough for Javik to fire a biotic grenade at it, exploding in a sea of light blue, and James to use Carnage, felling the Brute where it stood.

Chiktikka. Garrus and Tali weren't far. They were still alright.

She didn't have time to properly feel relief as petrified screams caught Shepard's attention. She spotted three colonists being dragged away by Cerberus. How could they have missed them?

"James, Javik, stop them now!" Shepard yelled, pointing wildly at the fleeing Cerberus soldiers and colonists.

The Harvester suddenly appeared in the skyline, heading straight towards the group, prepping its head cannons.

"James, incendiary ammo now!" Upon its activation, the bullet icon on her gun turned red, signaling its ready use.

They fired at the Harvester, flames erupting on its plates. Even the other Cerberus operatives shot everything they had at the Harvester to dissuade it. Or even better, kill it.

Undeterred, it fired its mounted cannons at the shuttles and they exploded in an array of red and orange. Shepard had to shield her eyes when two accurate beams hit the completely exposed group of people, who spun through the air and dropped like stones onto the grass.

A fire sparked within her at the sight. That Harvester wanted to target people with its cannons, she would oblige it.

Shepard darted to a nearby ladder to get access to the roof. She weaved back and forth to avoid the bullets shot at her, hurrying up the ladder as best she could with one arm.

Pulling out her Widow again, she did the same as before, using the ledge of the roof as support, firing a resounding shot at the retreating Harvester.

It stopped, rearing its ugly head at her and screeching into the air. It changed its flight path, heading straight for her.

She heard James yell something to her, but she couldn't clearly hear it. Probably telling her she was loco, but that wasn't news to her. She had built her career on the insane.

The Harvester was close now, looking to hover right where Cerberus was located. If she took the Harvester out, most would be dazed by the resulting blast, becoming perfect targets. Of course the Reapers couldn't have been kind enough to create Harvesters that killed those who were caught in the blast of an exploding Harvester.

Shepard leapt behind a crate, Widow still in hand. A few more shots from this and the Harvester would fall. She had spent thousands of credits on mods and upgraded models. The best money could buy. The only thing she came close to spending just as much on was her beloved fish.

She propped the rifle down on the ground and got on her stomach, reliving the days during basic and N7 training, when she crawled through the sand under barbed wire, when she picked off fake targets in the shadows. She fired one shot just as the Harvester came close to its destination. She couldn't allow Cerberus time to take cover or retreat. She had to fire another shot now.

She frantically switched thermal clips using both arms, wincing as she did so. The Harvester was close, almost there. She had to take the shot…

Series of bullets with a soft greenish glow struck the Harvester, causing it to screech and flail around.

Armor piercing ammo…

_Garrus…_

Shepard took advantage of its moment of weakness to fire one more shot. She hopped up before it even reached the Harvester, bolting for and sliding down the ladder, screaming for James and Javik to take cover as the Harvester flailed its neck and wings, falling closer to the ground.

She quickly hid behind the building while James and Javik did the same, just as it exploded in a blinding red light, sending electro-magnetic pulses through the area.

"Take them out!" Shepard popped out of cover, firing away at the vulnerable troopers, James and Javik following her lead.

She spotted a remaining Phantom, hopping to and from, but with her barriers down, Javik quickly finished her off with a life grenade

Shepard breathed in a deep sigh of relief when the last Cerberus assault trooper fell. It was finally over. They had gotten most of the colonists to safety and they could get them out.

That just left Talbot to deal with…

"Stay here and flag down Cortez. I'm going to go look for Garrus and Tali," Shepard ordered.

"Will do, Commander," James replied. "You know, for a moment there, thought you were going to try to jump on it or something."

Shepard shook her head. "Not that crazy yet. And Harvesters are your department, Vega. Not mine."

"You mean with the worm-neck story? Scars was right, totally made it up. But don't tell him that," he said as he dashed to catch up with Javik, who was already heading towards the entrance of the colony.

"Wouldn't dream of it," she murmured as she began walking the opposite direction, backtracking towards what she thought was the direction of the shots.

Only to be suddenly yanked to the side, heading face first towards the wall of the nearby building. Her forehead and the bridge of her nose took the brunt of it, stunning her, as the person pinned her to the wall. Shepard slightly craned her neck to take into view the one attacked her.

"Do you realize what you've done? They would have been safe! They were going to take us to Sanctuary!" Blood smeared across Talbot's face, claw marks running across her right cheek, her ebony hair completely undone from its tight bun and sticking to her neck. Her staggered breaths tickling the back of Shepard's neck, her shaking hands as she pinned Shepard's arms behind her (her right shoulder did not appreciate that), and her wild eyes pointed to how far she had fallen.

"You've no idea what you were leading them into, what the Illusive Man would do to them! He would have only taken those of value to him and disposed of the others! You were supposed to do what was best for them!"

Talbot tightened her hold on Shepard, grabbing her Locust and tossing it aside, even unhooking the Widow and doing the same. "I was trying to save them from being dependent on an organization that didn't even bother to help me after one of their own violated me when I was fifteen!"

Talbot jerked her from the wall, pushing her forward to the back of the building, the muzzle of her pistol digging into the middle of Shepard's armored back.

"You may know what it's like, Shepard, to have your entire childhood taken away in a split second, but were you ferried from different Alliance centers for orphans for years, under the dictatorial hands of Alliance overseers? To go from a happy home with a mother who nurtured you, encouraged you, thought the world of you, to just wanting to get the time of day from someone?"

Once the Einstein had taken Shepard and the other refugees back to Earth, she hadn't stayed at the center for too long before they had tracked down her next of kin. Her paternal grandfather.

She didn't remember much from that year she lived with him. They didn't really say much or spend time together. He had made her do chores on the orchard he had moved out to in California, but they weren't anything she couldn't handle or required back-breaking labor, sweating out in the fields without food or water.

He had never abused her, denied her hot food or soft bed. It just lacked the warmth she had been used to, like he had taken her in out of sense of duty, out of memory of his only son. Though her father had rarely talked about his parents, her mother even less so about hers, it had sounded like after her grandmother's death and her father had proposed to her mother, her father and grandfather had a major falling out.

That's why Shepard had been shocked after his death that he had left his estate to her in his will (which had been changed only two months prior), including the house and what little money her grandfather had. Right before she had joined the Alliance, she sold the land, used that money and her grandfather's small sum to rent an apartment.

She had known, despite her horrible circumstances, she had lucked out, in the end.

"Then, when someone finally notices your suffering, takes you under his wing, he abuses you," Talbot continued, her voice quivering with emotion, no longer dealing in questions. "Fucks you over and over again until you can barely utter a sound anymore. Until you lay limply under the weight of him, hoping all of this is a terrible nightmare. He tries to justify it to you, that stealing your innocence is a necessary price for a stable roof over your head. And when you try to report him, the officials laugh in your face. Claim you're just vying for attention, just trying to smear a decorated officer."

She finally stopped Shepard, spinning her around so Talbot's gun was aimed directly at Shepard's unprotected head. "So then you run away, live off scraps of food in dumpsters, sleep under bridges. Searching for kindness and finding none. All because of the sainted Alliance! That was my life, Shepard, for almost sixteen years. That would be the lives of so many of them. People like Alice…someone in a position of power would have taken advantage of her in no time. So don't you dare judge me for looking for another way!"

"You shouldn't have had to suffer like that," Shepard replied, hoping to guide Talbot to the light, away from the darkness of her insanity. "No one deserves that, and the Alliance officials should have done something, but it doesn't condone what you did here. How many people died because you painted everyone in the Alliance the same and refused to call on them again to evacuate?"

Before Shepard could push her away, Talbot struck her across the face with the handle of her gun, hitting her in the cheekbone and nose. Shepard tumbled to the ground, the blood trailing down her nose.

"The man who raped mewas the replacement commander for this sector. _He _refused to send help, dismissed Ernesto's warnings. _He _was the one who ordered the unit to pull out in the first place. But a week later, he got his. Cerberus commandos attacked their base." A twisted smile graced her lips. "I couldn't express how contented I was when Robert told me."

The smile disappeared as quickly as it came. "I never told anyone this. About the sexual abuse. Including Robert. It's not something that comes up in everyday conversation. I didn't want him to think less of me. Or worse, dismiss it as the past.

"I told him enough to make it clear I didn't want anything to do with the Alliance. All I would care about was serving the colonists…God damn it…" She emitted a choked cry. "I loved him, but he never fully understood how hard it was, to try and see the same organization he did. The Alliance was everything to him…"

Her voice broke, angry tears flowing freely. "And no matter how hard I tried to force myself to believe his ideals and please him, it was never enough. I could never measure up."

"So this is how you'll find absolution? By doing what you believe your husband and the Alliance could not?"

"I've already told you, Shepard." She cocked her gun, preparing to take her shot. "My mind was made up for me long ago."

Then, Talbot suddenly sunk to her knees and dropped her pistol, as a bullet soared through the air and lodged into her gut. She gasped for air with wide eyes, clutching at her stomach with her free hand. The blood came quickly through her mouth, flooding it and dripping down in small splotches to the ground.

A second shot followed a few seconds later, but it went completely off course, instead landing close to Shepard's head.

With a weak cry, Talbot reached for the pistol in one final attempt to fire at Shepard, but with lightening quick reflexes, Shepard dove for it. With a heavy heart, Shepard fired quick precision shots at Talbot, who collapsed onto the ground. She twitched for a few moments, taking in sharp breaths in a vain attempt to fill her body with oxygen. Then she stilled, eyes lifelessly staring up at the growing clouds in the sky.

Shepard raised herself up, wiping the blood from her face. She grimaced at the sulfuric taste in her mouth. She looked down at the empty shell that was once Margaret Talbot and closed her eyelids over her eyes. Despite her actions, Shepard hoped Talbot would finally find the peace she had clearly been lacking for years.

Maybe Liara was right. Maybe she should be nominated for sainthood. Who else would think that way about someone who had every intention of killing her?

If not for those shots, Talbot may have succeeded. Shepard realized who could have possibly made those shots that saved her. Garrus again, looking out for her, watching her six, just like…

But his second shot had missed wildly, almost striking her in the head. Garrus rarely missed. Not that badly.

_No…_

Shepard sprinted towards the source of the shots, ignoring the pounding headache raging inside her head. Her feet led her to another abandoned home, almost stepping in a dry pool of blood that looked like it had been there for days.

Garrus lay against the wall, clutching his head, rifle cast aside. Tali sat by his side, omnitool scanning his body.

"I can't pinpoint where the poison's attacking him, Shepard! This just hit him within the last few minutes," Tali said, her voice filled to the brim with tears.

"Jane…" Garrus turned his head towards her, reaching out his free hand for her.

Shepard kneeled beside him, interlacing his talons between her fingers. "I'm here, big guy. Just like I promised."

_I'll always be here._

Garrus's eyes rested on her limp arm. "You also promised you wouldn't be caught off guard. Not to mention antagonizing a worm-neck…"

"Nothing I couldn't handle, Garrus. And I'll heal. It's nothing to worry about." Despite the mind-numbing pain radiating from her shoulder, it could be patched up, healed in no time.

"And I owe you again, by the way, for watching out for me," she admitted.

_Just wish it hadn't come to that…_

Garrus hummed in acknowledgement, not having a witty comeback or romantic words, surprising for him.

He turned his gaze away from hers, breaking the silence that had hovered around them. "I'm sorry."

_Don't say that, Garrus. You'll be fine, everything will be ok_. Instead all that came out was a weak, "For what?"

"I almost hit you. All because I thought I could take the shot," he said, still fixated on the blood stain on the floor.

"You've always been cocky, Garrus. It's part of your charm."

Garrus met her gaze then, gifting her with a weak chuckle, mandibles flaring. "I knew it. Suppose that's why women flock to me. That and the scars."

"Well, some women apparently like scars. Or so I've been told," Shepard replied, clinching tighter on his hand, biting her tongue to keep the tears at bay.

Garrus suddenly lurched, vomit with specks of blue blood spewing onto the metal floor. Though only one bout, the dry heaves lasted for a good minute. Shepard spotted a lone towel to wipe any traces still on his lips. She couldn't rub his back like her mother did when she was sick, so Shepard settled for the back of Garrus's neck, rubbing circular patterns into the rough, hide-like skin, near his neck scales. All the while trying not to reveal how terrified she was.

"Cortez'll be here soon to take you both back to the Normandy before we evacuate the colonists," she said, grabbing his hand again once she was done. "I'll take the sword back, Tali."

Tali's reply came in the form of a broken sob.

"Tali, what is it? What's wrong?" Shepard asked with concern, focused on Tali's eyes glistening behind her helmet.

"Oh, Jane, I dropped it. Cerberus discovered us, so we had to move, dart from building to building. We finally lost them…but a Brute cornered us. And…and it flew out of my hand. I couldn't see where it went." Her tears only intensified as she attempted to talk. "Keelah, I can't believe I was so careless! If he dies because of me…!"

"It's not your fault, Tali," Shepard said, fixing her with a reassuring glance, fighting back fear for the third or fourth time (she had lost track by this point) that day. "And I'll go find it. Just tell me where you last had it."

Tali sniffed. "It…it wasn't too far from here, I don't think. Only a few buildings northwest."

"I'll go look for it once we get you both on the shuttle."

Shepard released Garrus's hand, instead cupping his scarred plates. "Hang in there for me, Garrus."

_Please._

He turned into her hand, brushing his mouth against her palm. "I've taken a rocket to the face and survived. This is nothing. I'll be fine, Jane. I promised, didn't I?"

As Shepard watched Cortez land off in the distance, she prayed to whatever divine power existed in the universe that Garrus would be able to keep that promise.

* * *

_May 5, 2170. 21.00 hours_

_They wanted to wait before they risked taking anyone up to the Einstein, to continue their search for more survivors. _

_Brass called in, ordering any recovered survivors to be evaced immediately. The batarians had all pulled out, no signs of activity could be detected in the cluster. They had moved in efficiently, driven by purpose. Defenses were well planned, so well that despite the Alliance's relatively quick response, the marines could only watch helplessly as the colonists were gunned down or taken away in cages, their screams echoing in the wind._

_Only ten others had been saved so far, people Shepard had never seen before in her life, including a father and a little girl. She cried brokenly into her father's neck for her mother. Though he held her bruised body and whispered false comforts into her ear, tears trailed down his own cheeks._

_They were all crammed into the shuttle, shell-shocked, unable to process what had happened. Shepard herself leaned against the shuttle wall, watching the external camera's view of the colony, as it flew away into the twinkling night sky, leaving everything she had known and loved behind. Her childhood extinguished in a single instant._

_She still couldn't believe it had all happened. Her parents dead, the Barnes family unheard from. A wave of shame passed over her as she realized she didn't think about trying to find Bran and his family while hiding in that toolshed. No, all she cared about was whether the batarians could hear her erratic breathing as they passed by…_

_She had to get a grip. It was over. She was safe now. That was the important thing…wasn't it?_

_The shuttle was completely silent, save the growing cries of the little girl for her mother. No one complained about it, though. Shepard herself may have been doing the same if she hadn't gone into complete shock._

_She remembered the pictures her father showed her from his many books, of those whose lives were destroyed during the end of World War II on Earth. When atomic bombs were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Of those picking through the rubble in search of loved ones, of priceless possessions or family heirlooms. The desperation in their faces as they breathed in the poisonous fumes, begging for an end to the insanity. She had wondered how they could pick up the pieces of an old life. Did they try to glue them back together or completely start anew? How could anyone possibly move on after something so horrific, so life-changing?_

_He had told her that no matter how terrible it seemed, life was too precious a gift. You had to move on and never let your past dictate your future._

_The shuttle flew further and further away, the burning wreckage of what had once been a peaceful and prosperous colony becoming a speck in the distance. As she flew away from the only life she had ever known, Shepard truly doubted whether she could ever move on…_

* * *

A/N: Phew, another long chapter. Hope you're still hanging in there for this emotional roller coaster ride, and as always, let me know what you think about this latest chapter. I hope this time I can give another update in two weeks!


	11. -11-

A/N: I'm finally back to updating this again, profuse apologies! Again, thanks to Curls101 for your review last chapter and those who have favorited and are following this story.

There's a correction to make in Chapter 10, where I mentioned how Shepard found thirty colonists on her side. Redoing the math, it actually should only have been ten (honestly don't know where thirty came from and how I didn't catch it). There's a reason why I was not a math major in college.

Hope you enjoy this late update and let me know what you think. See you all in 2013!

* * *

-11-

Only forty-one people were leaving Mindoir alive, out of the one-hundred and two that had been alive when Shepard and her squad arrived. Given the circumstances, they were lucky to evacuate that many, but it still felt like a failure on Shepard's part, knowing over half of the people died on her watch.

They would begin evacuating once the Normandy arrived, as Joker had originally planned. James had helped Shepard get Garrus and Tali onto the shuttle (along with helping pick her weapons back up), so they could be looked over by Dr. Chakwas. Then James, Javik, and Shepard made their way back to headquarters, to fill everyone in on what was happening. And to ask for Liara's help in tracking down the sword.

Three assault troopers and a Centurion had somehow broken away from the main bulk, gone unnoticed. Perhaps they had hidden themselves within or around one of the many homes. Once they had seen the colonists run back towards the headquarters, they had probably hoped to ambush them at the entrance. However, EDI placed the turret so they would walk right into the line of fire. As the troopers had fallen beside the Centurion, he had managed to destroy it, but just as Liara had arrived on the scene, having darted ahead of the colonists. Between her and EDI, they had made easy work on the weakened Centurion and all of the colonists had made it back in one piece. Shaken to their cores, but alive to see another day.

After she finished filling in her squad, she went to check on Alice in the med-bay alcove. She didn't fail to notice the white sheets with lumps underneath them that had not been there before. She found Alice in the back of the room, weeping over her father's lifeless body, whose dull eyes were cracked open, his unseeing eyes cast up at the ceiling. John sat on his knees beside her, silent tears rolling down his chubby cheeks as he rocked himself back and forth at the same rate as a pendulum.

Shepard didn't know what words she could offer, to properly express how sorry she was Alice had to go through all this over again. She took the woman into her arms and provided the comfort only human contact could offer. Alice wiped away the tears and mucus with her sleeve when she pulled away, whispering her thanks to Shepard. She spotted her distraught son on the floor, shame coloring her pale face at not having sensed it before. She gathered him in her arms, clutching him to her, whispering that his grandfather had gone someplace where he could finally find peace and be with his wife and son.

Shepard lowered Barnes's eyelids for Alice, hoping that she wouldn't have to do this again anytime soon. She would leave Alice to cover his body with a sheet and say her final goodbyes. Though the death of a parent was something Shepard knew all too well, a part of her longed for that chance. A chance to say a proper goodbye.

With external comm channels still down, EDI volunteered to stand guard outside and let everyone know when the Normandy touched down. Shepard and Liara made to follow her out on the hunt for the sword, when it struck Shepard that she had not seen even a glimpse of Zabaleta. She mentioned as much to Liara.

"I saw him lead his group of colonists in here and I thought I saw him among them earlier. What reason could he have for leaving now?"

Yet another disappearing act. He really insisted on making things difficult.

"Could have been to look for Talbot. Guess I have to track him down again, let him know we're evacuating," Shepard said, resigning herself to the task. "You go and find the sword."

"I really don't think…" Liara tried to protest.

"We can't waste time. I need you to do an initial sweep. If you can't find it, bring someone else out here," Shepard instructed. Her voice softened when she saw the concerned look on Liara's face. "I'll be fine. I still have my pistol with me in case anything happens."

The troubled frown did not depart from Liara's lips, but she relented. Before they parted ways outside, Liara warned her she would come looking for Shepard if she wasn't back in a reasonable amount of time.

Shepard started with a sweep of the surrounding area. Even with medigel, Zabaleta was still shot in the leg. He couldn't have gone too far. Though his whereabouts were less disconcerting than the reason why he had vanished like a fleeting shadow.

Cutting through a nearby courtyard, she stumbled upon someone's yard, a luxury many of those homes in the center of the colony did not share. There she stepped on a name plaque, dug into the grass long ago. Marking the location of the remains of a teenage boy who had had his life cut too short, who had made Shepard feel giddy at his mere mention when a teenager.

So Barnes had kept Bran separate from the others.

Shepard stared down at his name, unable to think or say anything other than what had already been said at the memorial wall.

_The memorial wall…_

She didn't know why she hadn't thought to check the wall sooner. Someone clearly as plagued by the raid…the perfect place to find last minute closure.

Or lay a cunning trap. At this point, she still couldn't discount it. Not after Talbot's one woman act.

Now that the dust had settled, he also owed Shepard answers.

She darted up the hill towards the wall, trying to will away the pain in her shoulder and ignore the panic thriving in her mind over the loss of the sword. Maybe the doctors could create a new antidote without it, but Shepard could not afford to take that type of risk. They were going to be cutting it close getting back to the Citadel as it was. Almost half a day's cruise back and who knew how long the doctors would need for a cure?

The wall was no worse for wear from how she had left it only a short while ago. Except this time, Zabaleta had positioned himself in front of Shepard's etching, still as a tree deeply rooted into the ground. His erect back was turned to her, but she saw the cigarette hanging between the dangling fingers of his uninjured limb. Wisps of smoke mingled with the damping air. The sun had all but disappeared, leaving a darkening sky behind.

"Zabaleta, my ship's en-route."

Zabaleta did not acknowledge her presence, keeping himself face forward as he took a puff.

Shepard shuffled her feet, scuffing the tips of her boots into the grass, bringing up small clomps of dirt. "I encountered Talbot. She…couldn't be reasoned with."

His body shifted at the news, but he still did not acknowledge her.

"Zabaleta?" Shepard tried again, stepping closer.

"I came here almost every day, hoping to find some solace among the ghosts." He finally spoke. "Never fucking helped. For sixteen years, it's been like this. A lost marine, abandoned by his own, searching for answers. Searching for a reason to continue getting up in the morning.

"I thought I had found it, coming back to help these colonists, but I feel nothing. No relief, no pride. Just the same as when I first arrived."

He still hadn't turned around and his overly calm exterior made her uneasy in a thousand and one different ways. Her hand hovered by her holster.

"I almost didn't believe it, when Robert told me of his wife's betrayal. She hated the Alliance as much as me, the one thing we could agree on," he added with a dark laugh. "Yet even I didn't think she'd ask for the Illusive Man's help. Would have thought he made his intentions quite clear."

"So why didn't you try to stop it? Why didn't you tell me what was happening?" There was no running from the truth this time for Zabaleta.

He finally whipped around at the question. "You expecting the part of the story where I admit I'm actually a Cerberus operative who grew a conscience when it counted?"

Shepard frowned. "I wasn't… unless you are suggesting..."

"I'm not suggesting anything, Commander, but keeping your hand close to your pistol belies your argument."

"Just answer the question. Why didn't you tell me or try to stop Talbot?" Shepard demanded, her words cutting through the air like daggers.

Zabaleta took one final drag, flicking the cigarette to the ground, eyes focused on the smoking remains.

"I couldn't confront Margaret until the next day. We had been hit by attacks for hours and had to evacuate everyone to the headquarters. She didn't even bother denying it. Oh, she tried to justify it all to me, going on about how Alliance left us to die. Even thought I 'd agree at first to her plan, given my history. But I've broken up enough Cerberus operations as a marine to know better. I told her she was out of her fucking mind.

"The colonists would never go along with it, I told her. Least not to the extent she expected. I remember…she grew a fevered smile on her face as I was talking, like she knew something I didn't. I asked her what she could possibly be grinning about. Then she told me the surveillance room was now locked off. Any evidence that could have been used against her was inaccessible."

"And after?" Shepard pressed for him to continue.

Zabaleta scowled. "Not like I had a lot of options, Shepard. Everything was in her favor. Comm systems were down or fluctuating the whole time. I had no proof or means of accessing that room. In case you hadn't noticed, it's passcode protected. So when we weren't distracted by Reapers trying to infiltrate the compound, I confronted her at every opportunity, denounced her publicly in the hopes she would crack under the pressure. With her emotional state, figured it was only a matter of time. Not a perfect plan, but all I could do, given the circumstances."

"You didn't worry about what it reflected on you? Going after her for what seemed like no reason?"

"This wasn't a popularity contest, Shepard," Zabaleta defended. "Besides, we made no secret of our disdain for each other. To the colonists, it was business as usual. Until I had the evidence, that was my only option. Course it didn't work. Margaret was more determined than I had pegged her. Though the grief and guilt started getting to her the further along we went."

"So if you weren't sending a message to Cerberus, why were you so desperate to get the comms back online?"

"Since you care so much…" Zabaleta scratched at the blood caked on his face, picking away at a stubborn dry patch. "Partly to maintain contact with your ship. Mostly to send long range messages to the Alliance."

Shepard hadn't been prepared for that. "But you sent a message to them before, didn't you? And command dismissed it. Why would you…?"

"Send them another when I clearly despise them? When their reply to our request for aid was just more of the typical bureaucratic bullshit I've come to expect? Nothing is black and white in this world, Shepard, nor is anything free…and well, let's just say I'd rather be in the Alliance's debt than the Illusive Man's."

"But why the need to contact them at all once I arrived? Unless you had absolutely no confidence in my abilities?" Shepard asked, sarcasm palpable, finally letting her hand rest at her side.

"Your ship's arrival time into the colony was unknown. And had no idea the number Cerberus was bringing with them. Top that off with another Reaper attack? Could you say the casualties would've stayed as low as they did without the rest of your squad's arrival?"

There was something else. Shepard could sense it, the desire to shift attention away from this topic. "Earlier outside the Alliance base you said your emotions clouded your judgment? What did you mean?"

Zabaleta didn't reply immediately. When he did, he sounded like a man who wanted to forget the terrible things he had seen in his life, who wanted nothing more to console himself with a bottle to try and forget. Haunted. Hiding behind anger.

"You think Margaret was the only one looking for absolution, Shepard?" he asked, voice low, refusing to say anymore.

"So that's what it was about? Why you snuck off to the base? To get the evidence and expose Talbot to the colonists? To play the hero?" Shepard was even surprised by how harsh those words sounded to her ears. And as soon as those words left her mouth, she knew it was a mistake.

Zabaleta tensed at her words, lines on his face hardening along with his darkening eyes. He stalked up to her, grimacing at the pain his body was in from his wounded limbs and jabbed his finger in her chest.

"Fuck you, Shepard! Damn you to hell! Where do you get off judging me when you didn't bother to come back until now? Do you have any idea what these people've gone through? What _I've _gone through? As soldiers we're taught to brush off civilian casualties. Mourn for their loss, but never let it get to you." A wild, strangled cry erupted from his mouth. "But the raid. This. Knowing people depended on you, on those in a position of authority to save them. And you failed them. In the worst possible way. You can feel the blood soaking your already dirty hands, on top of the blood of your enemies."

He lifted his hands, entranced by them and the dried blood stains on them. "Do you know what the names on this wall are to me, Shepard? Reminders. Of all those who I failed to protect. Then and now."

She had heard enough. She wouldn't do either of them any favors to continue stoking the flames of his anger. Not when he was clearly just as emotionally fragile as Talbot had been.

"You're right. I should have come back here sooner. But as much as I want to, I can't change what happened here," Shepard said, allowing the regret to be visible in her face and voice. "Or what happened sixteen years ago. All we can do is shelter those who survived the best we can."

The anger deflated from Zabaleta's body at her words. He turned back to face the wall, his eyes scanning across the names. "Then you've been able to do what I cannot. Let it all go. Not let your mistakes get to you. A perfect soldier." The last words exuded contempt.

"No. Not perfect. I just force myself to put it behind me," Shepard replied, not wanting to confess her deepest, darkest fears and regrets to Zabaleta. Not when it had been so difficult to do in front of Garrus and Tali.

Zabaleta turned back around, burying his face in his hands. Shepard tried not to cringe at the sight of the jutting bone in his arm. "All of this inside me is a virus, Shepard. Sixteen years without a cure. No end in sight."

Her eyes widened at the sight of him pulling out his Carnifex then, twisting it around in his loose grip.

He wasn't thinking…

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I wasn't lying to Margaret when I said death would be a welcome relief. The colonists are to be evacuated. I've done what I came back to do. Leave me here to join the ghosts, Commander. There is nothing more you can do."

"It isn't over. You can still help them," Shepard said, concerned by the note of the tranquility she noticed in his voice.

Zabaleta shook his head. "My life ended sixteen years ago, Shepard. It's only appropriate."

"But…"

"I saved your life once, Shepard. And now…" He walked back to the VI, picking up a familiar object she had worried would be lost forever, which had been blocked from her gaze. "You owe me again."

"Where did you find it?" Shepard asked, relief flowing through her once the sword was in her hand.

"Does it matter?" he questioned irritably. "You have it back and your hot-headed turian can be cured. Now you can head back and help the colonists evacuate," he said, pointing to the sky.

Shepard heard the rumbling sound of the Normandy's descent near the colony before she even saw it. The sight of the ship that had become her home brought a relieved smile to her face. With any luck, they could be out of the colony before a new wave of Reapers showed up and on their way to the Citadel to cure Garrus.

"Go, Commander Shepard. Your place isn't here anymore."

She had to stop this. Yes, he was a bitter, hate-filled, prick, but he shouldn't be throwing his life away.

This reminded her too much of poor Talitha, only six when taken by the batarians raiders. She had wanted to die, waved a gun in Shepard's face, but Shepard was able to coax this tormented girl to take a sleeping pill, take her to a rehab center. Last she heard, she was doing better.

But a vision of different figure sprang to mind, so familiar to Zabaleta, clearly brought to the edge of insanity by what he suffered on Akuze at the hands of Cerberus. Even after she had talked Corporal Toombs down and sent him to receive psychiatric help, he had escaped, even threatened to kill her for associating with Cerberus. She hadn't seen Toombs since the day he had cornered the Cerberus scientist. She had no idea if he had been axed by the Reapers or Cerberus or was still managing his own group of mercenaries. It didn't matter. Toombs couldn't let go of the past, even with help. Neither could Zabaleta.

"If this is what you want, I'll respect your decision, Lieutenant," she finally replied, stepping away to head back down the hill. She didn't need to see this.

"Don't need you to respect it, just accept it." He turned away from her to face the wall once again. "Make sure the colonists are protected during this war. Give the Reapers and Cerberus hell for what they've done."

Shepard nodded again, this time abating her gaze. She continued to make her way down the hill to help the colonists to the Normandy. Even when she heard the sound of a single gunshot a moment later dancing through the air, she never once looked back.

_Make that exactly forty survivors._

* * *

It took about a half hour to get everyone on board, but they didn't depart for another fifteen minutes afterwards. Liara offered to send the report to Anderson and Hackett while Shepard got patched up in the med-bay. Shepard thanked her, asking her to have Traynor inform Shepard when they were both available on vid-com.

The only others there in the med-bay were Garrus and Tali. Those eight people from the colony still injured (only two still suffered from serious injuries) were set up at the lounge, close enough the Mindoir medic and doctor could retrieve supplies, though Chakwas warned them the injured colonists may still needed to be moved into the med-bay depending on their condition.

Shepard sat beside Garrus, commandeering Chakwas's chair so she could sit by his side, take his hand in hers, rub the top of it as he retched into a wastebin. Chakwas didn't want to give him too much, in case its properties didn't mix with the antidote, but she had given him some anti-nausea meds to calm the vomiting down.

Shepard tried not to grimace at the vomit sprinkled with blue blood she spotted as she took the bin away from him, or its vile smell, like something died and was rotting within Garrus. Luckily this latest bout didn't last as long.

He collapsed back onto the pillow, his eyes slightly glazed over.

"Spirits. Haven't vomited like this since I was a kid." Even his voice sounded like it was making an effort just to talk. "Actually, no, take that back. Almost forgot the night at Flux with some of the other C-Sec agents. Learned a valuable lesson that night. Never drink Ryncol and Batarian rum together."

"The anti-nausea meds should kick in soon, Garrus. Once I'm done with Shepard and talking with Dr. Chindra, I'll do a thorough scan on you," Chakwas replied, as she examined Shepard's shoulder, the bruise now a mix of black and purple.

Shepard held back a yelp of pain rising in her throat from Chakwas pressing down on the injury.

"Really could have just done a scan to figure out where it was broken, Karin," Shepard said, voice strained.

"Shoulders typically get fractures, not breaks, Commander. With everything it sounds like you went through, be thankful your arm didn't detach from its socket."

"How long do I need to rest it?" That was what she was more concerned about. They couldn't afford to waste time going to Horizon, once Garrus was treated.

"A few days, at least. You really need a few weeks, but I know you and also know we don't have the luxury of time," Chakwas said as she gathered up the materials for a basic cast and sling.

When didn't they have the luxury of time? She had seen the reports, each more disheartening than the last. Reapers had amassed in all corners of the galaxy. Every system now showed signs of Reaper activity. Once they recovered the VI from Cerberus, it would finally be time. After months of planning, tears, sweat, blood and diplomacy, they would finally be heading back to Earth. After fighting the Reapers for so long, hard to believe it would soon be over. Shepard could only hope she would be alive to appreciate its end, that Garrus…

"How are you holding up, Tali?" Shepard asked her friend, breaking herself out of that unpleasant thought.

"Not much of a change, but at least I'm swimming in antibiotics. I should be better within a day or two, but probably no more crawling through vents for awhile." Tali gestured to her leg and the exposed area, which she was treating herself until she patched up the suit later on. "Keelah, that stings," she cursed when she rubbed a salve into the wound.

"No promises, but I'll see what I can do."

Shepard cringed in discomfort when Chakwas clenched a metal cylinder around her upper arm and shoulder as part of the cast.

"Is all this really necessary?"

Chakwas shot her a firm look that almost had Shepard slinking back into her seat from its severity. She could have sworn she saw Garrus holding back a smirk out of the corner of her eye.

"When it comes to your wellbeing, Commander, all my orders supersede yours. Yes, this is necessary. This will help heal your shoulder faster."

"If you say so."

"So where exactly did you find the sword?" Garrus asked, motioning to the sword on the cot next to his. Tali almost looked ready to sprint and bear-hug Shepard when Tali saw her come in with it in her hand.

Shepard picked at the stray threads on the cot, not really wanting to talk about Zabaleta, but seeing no way around it. "Zabaleta found it."

Garrus's browplate lifted in surprise. "Shocked he even bothered to grab it. Suppose I should do the polite thing and thank him."

Shepard's breath hitched, tickling the back of her throat. "That's not going to be possible, Garrus."

Tali paused in tending her wound, realization clouding her eyes. "You mean?"

Shepard nodded, not needing to elaborate.

"He wasn't well, Jane. Anyone could see that," Garrus reassured her.

Shepard chewed on her bottom lip, releasing it with a pop. "Yeah."

"Did he say why he didn't bother telling us about Talbot?" Tali asked, tossing used gauze to the side and activating her omnitool.

"He was looking for a chance at redemption. Same as Talbot." Shepard paused as Chakwas attached another cylinder to her lower arm, hooking it onto the upper one. "It's strange. So many have been driven to madness because of indoctrination. Then to come here, be reminded organics can bring it upon themselves…"

"A war like this can either bring out the best or worst in people. And Cerberus certainly isn't helping anything. Surprised the Citadel hasn't descended into anarchy yet, with the panic that coup set in everyone there."

"People are definitely more on edge. Last time I was in the Wards, I saw guys fist-fighting over a thermal clip," Shepard said, agreeing with Garrus. "Talbot was right about one thing. The colonists will just become more faceless refugees if we leave them at the Citadel. We should try and find them something more permanent."

"Maybe… maybe Jacob could take them, watch over them along with the ex-Cerberus scientists and their families," Tali suggested.

"It wouldn't be a question of whether he'd want to, but whether he can. It might be a struggle with that many people on top of his own," Garrus pointed out.

"He'll find a way, as a favor to me," Shepard said, liking the idea. It wasn't much, but at least Shepard could be content that Talbot's and Zabaleta's ghosts wouldn't come back to haunt her. "Then it would be ensured they'd be looked after. Maybe some of them could help with any remaining work on the Crucible."

Chakwas then hung the sling around Shepard's neck, guiding her arm through it. Once that was finished, she straightened up. She wiped beads of sweat from her brow. "There. You should be good to go, Commander. Just take it easy with that shoulder. As much as I like it when you visit, I'd prefer it for the occasional chat and toast."

"We're just going to the Citadel. I should be fine. Unless another major disaster hits or Al-Jilani accosts me again. Least one arm's still usable," Shepard said, gently flexing her fingers in the sling.

"Really thought you had more self-control," Garrus teased, looking at her through hooded eyes. He looked like all he wanted to do was sleep, so unlike the turian who volunteered to take some of her tasks over, even when he was tired, just so she wouldn't have to.

"She made the mistake of approaching me after I met with the Council. That always makes me cranky."

"I'm going to check on Dr. Chindra and her patients. Can I trust to leave you two alone?" Chakwas asked as she installed more medigel to her dispenser.

"I have no interest in giving everyone a free show, Doctor," Garrus said, gesturing to the large windows in the med bay with an unsteady talon.

"Glad to hear it," Chakwas said with an amused twinkle in her eyes. "I'll be back shortly to run that scan," she said over her shoulder, heading out the door.

Tali pushed herself off her stretcher. "I'm going to head back down and repair my suit. I'll come back later to check on you, Garrus."

"Wait, Tali." Shepard rose from her seat, approaching her. "I know I said this back on Mindoir, but thanks. For coming with me. Having my back down there."

Tali drew Shepard into a warm hug, careful not to crush Shepard's injured arm in between them. "You've done so much for me, Shepard. I'd never return my back on you when you needed it."

Before Tali released Shepard, she whispered in her ear to let her know if Garrus got worse. She then followed Chakwas out the door, still with a slight limp in her step.

Shepard sat back down in her seat, grabbing for Garrus's warm hand.

"How are you doing? And I want the honest answer."

Garrus sighed. "Could be worse, but headache's still about the same. At least the vomiting's stopped for now. Feel weaker. And tired." He grimaced as he shifted. "Ache in my body that wasn't there before."

"Probably too much to hope he was bluffing and all you'll experience are flu-like symptoms," Shepard replied, trying to keep her words light.

"Probably, but could always hope." He paused, his eyes focused on her face, clearer than they had been in the last hour. "There's no reason to worry. We have the sword back and assuming there isn't another Cerberus coup in progress, we should make it back in time."

Should. So much uncertainty rested in that single word that it had Shepard's stomach churning and her heart pounding. The seriousness of the situation was crashing down on her again and she could feel the sting in her eyes. She bit down hard on her inner cheek, ignoring the little voice inside her to let everything out again. She wouldn't cave like she did on Mindoir. Not now. Crying like that meant she was without hope, without a chance. Garrus's life wasn't forfeit yet.

She then felt him lift his hand away, only to place it on her cheek, his thumb playing with the edge of her mouth.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to make you smile," he said, still tugging. "I hate seeing you look so damn sad."

Her stomach churned again at her words. "Think pulling at my mouth is going to work?"

"Thought it was worth a try."

She couldn't help offering a small smile at that. He traced the line of her mouth with one of his talons, running over her dry, cracked lips.

"You know, I like it when you smile. Makes your whole face glow. Makes you an even more beautiful sight than usual."

It was not uncommon for him to say things like that in the passionate heat of the moment, when undressing her, covering every inch of her body with kisses, or panting it into her neck as he moved within her, but to say it so matter-of-factly, like it was part of every-day conversation, was rare. "Chakwas didn't give you anything other than the anti-nausea meds, did she?"

"It's the truth." His hand now palmed her cheek. She nuzzled into it, loving the contrast of his rough, scaled hand on her smooth skin.

"Such a closet romantic. But I kind of miss the days when you told me my hair was good and my waist was very supportive," she replied, covering his hand with hers, keeping his pressed against her cheek.

"Don't worry. Those lines are always in full supply."

"Commander." Shepard gave an inaudible groan at being contacted so soon. "Sorry to bother you, but Admiral Anderson and Admiral Hackett are available on vid-comm."

"Thanks, Traynor. Tell them I'll be up there shortly." Shepard gave Garrus an apologetic look.

"Do what you need to. I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere."

It almost broke her heart to hear him sound so calm, as if he didn't want to worry her.

Shepard drew in a ragged breath, leaning down to plant a drawn-out kiss on his brow.

"Get some rest, big guy." She gifted him with another one of the smiles he seemed to love, albeit a tiny one. "I'll be back to check on you."

As she walked out of the med bay and waited for the elevator to come back up, despite Garrus's attempts to reassure her, despite her attempts to reassure herself, she could not shake the feeling it was going to be a long, emotionally draining, and intense couple of hours…


	12. -12-

A/N: Greetings, readers! Hope you guys are still with me and my slow updates for this story. Thanks to Danie-Dono for your review last chapter and as always, to those who are still following and have favorited this story.

* * *

-12-

The starboard observatory had always been on Shepard's favorite areas of the ship. Before Ash had claimed the area for herself, Shepard would take a few minutes out of the day just to watch the twinkle of the stars painted on the black canvas outside. She could have easily done this lying on her bed, looking out at the skylight, but it didn't fill her with the same sense of tranquility.

Shepard had been sitting in the same spot for a few minutes, hardly moving except to run her trembling hand through her hair over and over again, in between biting at the stubs of her nails, a nervous tick she hadn't indulged in since she was a teenager. She kept on looking out the window, desperately searching for peace at the galaxy outside. But unlike so many times before, it did nothing to soothe her.

Her talk with Anderson and Hackett hadn't gone on for too long (Anderson had to move out to another secure location), but both expressed their regret over Thessia and Mindoir, offered reassurances that the people of Thessia and the colonists' blood wasn't on her hands. Loses were unavoidable, no matter how hard she tried, they had both told her. Nothing more could be done except to shake them off and go back at it. Perfect soldiers, as Zabaleta would have said.

She had told them about Zabaleta's involvement, Talbot's betrayal, the Cerberus reach-out, and the decisions from the Alliance replacement commander of that sector, but she couldn't bring herself to say anything about Talbot's history.

Hackett had known of the commander. A good soldier, got results, but ruthless at times. Though neither he or Anderson excused his actions at pulling the soldiers out, leaving Mindoir defenseless and not even offering to evacuate, Anderson had suggested possible tampering by Cerberus. Shepard had replied she would look into it. Or rather, have Liara look into it. She was the one with all the resources, after-all.

Before they had cut off their conversation, Shepard informed them of her plans regarding the colonists, now refugees, and requested Hackett get in touch with Jacob Taylor on her behalf. Hackett promised to see to it personally.

Once finished, she journeyed to the cockpit to check on Joker and EDI. Joker was uncharacteristically somber, asking her if she was alright, a question she hadn't had an answer to. Physically, yes, but mentally was an entirely different matter. Though some of his joking attitude came through when he reassured her Garrus would be alright, telling her if he could survive a rocket to the face, he could make it through anything.

EDI had attempted to ask Shepard yet another question about organic behavior, but Shepard had brushed her off, saying now wasn't the time. Surprisingly, EDI had gotten the hint, murmuring that the events of the past two days and her worry over Garrus had caused Shepard more stress than EDI had realized.

Couldn't really argue with that, especially once she had talked with Dr. Chakwas.

When she had arrived back at the med-bay, Chakwas had pulled her out into the hallway so Garrus could try and sleep for a little bit, grim lines on her face. She had conducted the scan, not liking what she was finding. She had spared Shepard the scientific details, but had basically warned her the poison was spreading quickly throughout his body. Time was of the essence, something Shepard had known, but with Chakwas telling her, it made it sound so much more official.

Chakwas could only hypothesize on the other possible symptoms that could crop up, but based on the poison's course, anything from uncontrollable spasms, blurred vision, and confusion/hallucinations would be possible, along with the symptoms he was already experiencing. She also had no idea if the damage done by the poison prior to consumption of an antidote would be permanent or not.

All she knew with certainty was the symptoms would worse quickly and everything depended on getting to the Citadel and the doctors developing a cure in time.

The news had sent Shepard to the starboard observatory only a few steps away, the only distance her legs could make without tumbling onto the chrome floor.

Not since she was a little girl had she felt this helpless, wanting to do nothing more than curl into a little ball and rock herself to sleep. She didn't want to face the possibility, that unspeakable possibility, and knowing she might have to...

Of the two of them, she had always thought Garrus would be the one left to pick up the pieces. Not her. Especially not as a result of being on the same colony she had lost her parents in. The very thought made her want to throw up the few contents she had in her stomach.

So wrapped in her thoughts, she didn't even heard Ash come in, finding Shepard slouched over with her head in her hand.

"Sorry, Skipper, didn't even realize you were in here. Need a breather?"

Shepard let out a dark laugh. "You have no idea, LC."

"I can imagine. Looked like hell down there." Ash sat down on the couch across from her.

Shepard didn't fail to notice the pained expression on her face, like she was struggling with her memories. "Just like Eden Prime."

"I really thought I had gotten beyond it, you know. Losing 212 and all those civilians. They didn't deserve to go out like that." Shame passed over Ash's face at her confession. "I'm sorry, Shepard, I shouldn't even be… it had to have been harder on you, being your old home. Just putting my foot in my mouth again."

"Relax, Williams, it's still alright. I wasn't lying when I told you I'd put it behind me. I thought that was true. But being back there…" Shepard's fist curled into balls so she wouldn't go back to biting her nails in front of Ash. "I guess you never really forget. The key is not letting it overpower you. Moving on best you can."

_Things Talbot and Zabaleta couldn't do._

"Yeah. Guess that's we all can do. Dad always said life was too precious to spend getting comfortable with the ghosts of your past." Ash leaned forward, hands resting on her knees. "How's Garrus doing?"

Shepard still looked straight ahead out the window as she answered. "For the moment, as well as can be expected. But that'll change."

"He's tough, Shepard," Ash assured her. "If anyone can make it through this, it's him. But I'll pray for him. I know you don't really believe in it, but..."

Shepard stood up, the shakiness in her legs having subsided only a little. "I still appreciate the thought, Ash."

Ash looked her up and down, studying her exhausted form. "Permission to speak freely, ma'am?"

"Granted?" Shepard asked, not sure of the necessity.

"You look like you've been through hell and back and dead on your feet. You should really catch some shut-eye. Just a little bit," Ash amended when she saw the argumentative look on Shepard's face.

"Again, appreciate the thought, Williams, but I'm checking on the colonists and then staying by Garrus's side until we arrive." More bite was in her tone than she had intended. Shepard knew Ash meant well, but she wouldn't leave Garrus just so she could fall into a restless sleep only to have her dreams torment her.

"You're the commander," Ash relented. "But just try to take it easy. For all our sakes," Ash said, a silent plea swirling in her brown eyes.

"I'll try, Ash."

Shepard walked out of the observatory, glancing inside the open door across the hall, catching a glimpse of a figure lying supine on the couch, still as death until he lifted a weak hand at someone beside him. The sight almost brought tears to her eyes, reminding her of the similar position she was in.

Dr. Chindra was walking out, heading in the direction of the med-bay. Their eyes met as they passed. Shepard got all she needed to know just from the disheartened look in her eyes. Someone was just being kept comfortable.

Shepard hurried to the elevator, slamming her hand down on the button for the fifth deck, pain in her shoulder at the sudden movement. She could feel the growing clamminess of her fingertips as they touched her face. She couldn't have another breakdown. There was no need to. Garrus was still alive, they were making good time. She had to stop getting herself wound up.

She hadn't been this way when her grandfather died. When her unit on Akuze died. When Kaidan died. When Mordin, Thane, and Legion died. She had certainly been upset, distraught to see friends killed on her watch, but she had never reacted this violently. Not since the raid.

"I can't…please…not again," she let out in a strangled whisper, confessing it to the chrome elevator walls.

Once the elevator opened up to the fifth deck, Shepard composed herself taking in the sight of thirty-some colonists, now refugees, sitting on the chrome floor or standing around. Cortez and two of the ensigns, Roberts and Hadwell, were milling about them, handing out water. James was standing by the consoles on the left, back to Shepard.

"How are they doing?" Shepard murmured to James once by his side.

"Quiet, mostly. A few seem shell-shocked, like everything hasn't sunk in yet..."

Shepard didn't fail to notice how he trailed off, how unsettled he seemed. "Something wrong, James?"

James's gaze didn't drop from the sight of these physically and mentally exhausted people. "Seeing them like this and the colony…just really hits home, you know?"

"Yeah. I get it."

James suddenly appeared as contrite as Ash had, rubbing his neck and shifting nervously. "Aw, shit, Lola, I didn't..."

Shepard brushed it off, knowing he didn't mean anything by the comment. "It's fine, James. Just continue keeping an eye on them."

James offered her a salute. "Yes, ma'am."

She didn't have to, but she stopped by every single one sprawled on the floor or standing rigidly in place. She didn't need to say much, just asking if they were alright, despite knowing the answer. Reassuring them arrangements were being made if they wanted them. A few didn't say anything back to her (nor was she expecting anything), merely nodding and sending her a tired but grateful look. One looked practically catatonic, staring off at the wall with wide eyes. Others were a little more vocal, including Thomas and Miles, who were sitting on the cot near James's work bench. Miles apologize for doubting Shepard back on Mindoir, but Shepard assured her it was alright.

Only a few asked about Talbot or Zabaleta. Shepard didn't feel the need to elaborate too much. What more needed to be said when their absence alone spoke volumes?

Alice and John were furthest away, by the hangar doors. She looked up at Shepard's approach.

"Jane. Thank you. For being there. Getting there when you did."

Shepard presented her with a comforting smile. "You don't need to thank me, Alice."

Alice's eyes drifted to Shepard's cast and sling. "How is your arm?"

"Still hurts to move it and feels strange to have it on, but I'll be better in no time," Shepard assured her. She hoped that the implants Cerberus gave her would help speed up the process. One of the few things she could be grateful to Cerberus for. "How are you holding up?"

Alice's shoulders sagged as she emitted a shaky breath. "Just...trying to process it all. That we're finally safe. Can go to sleep without worrying about being attacked by husks. At least I'm alive. And John's alive. But..." Her voice began to tremble, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I'm sorry, I still can't believe my father's really gone."

Shepard crouched down on the floor beside her, reaching out to give Alice's hand a comforting squeeze. "He died a hero, Alice. I know that isn't much, but try to take comfort in the fact he died protecting you both and in the colony he took pride in."

"Yeah. I suppose you're right. We both know the past can't be changed. Nothing ever happened when I wished for that as a child."

Shepard straightened herself, her knees suddenly feeling wobbly, releasing Alice's hand.

"I'd understand if you don't want to answer this question, Alice, but what was it like? Living on Mindoir after the raid?"

"Hard," Alice replied, showing no reluctance in answering. "People who chose to stay were terrified it would happen again, like a curse had been placed on the colony, but they didn't know where else to go except to rebuild. It helped when people like Lieutenant Talbot came to help, though. Over the years, new people settled down there, helped rebuild, children born as Mindoir colonists like us, but...it would never be what it was. Even on the best days, the cries of those long dead were never far from memory. Especially for Papa."

Her face scrunched up again, tears welling up again in her eyes. "Oh, Papa..."

"I should leave you alone, let you..." Shepard motioned to leave, let her grieve in peace.

"No," Alice insisted, wiping away stray tears. "I'm fine. It's nice to talk to someone outside my family. I think I told you before I didn't get out often."

John scooted closer to his mother, wrapping his arms around her, possibly sensing her distress.

"Mama," he murmured, the first time Shepard heard him speak. His voice struggled to stay low with the high tone children usually possessed at a young age, slightly craggily from little use.

"It's alright, dove. Mama's alright."

Shepard felt like someone had wrapped his grip around her heart and was squeezing it dry, hearing that endearment again.

"You call him "dove" too?"

Alice ran a hand through her son's hair, pieces stubbornly sticking out of his scalp, who went back to sipping on water.

"I remember hearing your father call you that once. It just kind of stuck with me over the years." Alice's face shifted, nervousness cropping onto it. "If you want me to stop using it..."

"No, it just through me for a moment. Haven't heard it in awhile. So...how many other children stayed after the raid?" Shepard asked, wanting to change the subject so she wouldn't have to remember in excruciating detail the last time her father called her "dove."

"Many families who survived either left with the Einstein or didn't stay around long, wanting to find a safer colony once they got their affairs in order. Papa wouldn't go, not after everything he sacrificed to get the colony to where it was, everything he had accomplished."

"Did you hang out with those still there?"

"Papa became very... protective of me. Not surprising given everything that happened with our family. I wasn't really allowed a social life. Might have been different if the raid hadn't happened, but I suppose we'll never know." She gave a weak smile. "Surprised I was able to sneak off with Daniel as much as I did."

"Was John the only child there too?"

"Not at first. A lot of families left when word spread of the attacks, but Papa refused to go. I did think about leaving, but I've never been out on my own before." Alice cast a nervous glance at Shepard. "I heard talk you're taking us to the Citadel."

Shepard nodded. "I'm working on arrangements. Those who want to can stay with a friend of mine. I'm just waiting to hear back from him."

The relief that lit up Alice's face almost blinded Shepard. "I'll never be able to repay you for everything you've done. You and your crew." Her face then flooded in remembrance. "The ones you came with. Are they doing alright? One of them was injured, wasn't she?"

Shepard's breath hitched. "Both of them were, actually," she said, composing herself. "Tali's ok now, but Garrus was struck by a poisoned Cerberus blade. That's why we're going to the Citadel, to get him treated before..." she swallowed. "Time runs out."

Alice's hand went to her mouth. "Oh, Jane, I'm so sorry. Does he...does he mean to a lot to you?"

"Yeah." Shepard's eyes closed, allowing the emotional pain to wash over her again. "He does."

Shepard didn't even notice John push himself off the floor and shuffled over to Shepard, wrapping his short arms around both of her legs in his own version of a hug.

Alice stared on in amazement. "He never takes to strangers. There's something about you he really must like."

"Does he talk much?" Shepard asked as she curled her own arm around his shoulders for a brief second, not wanting to overstep her boundaries.

"Hardly ever. But he's extremely perceptive. Really good with numbers too."

Shepard never imagined herself possessing a nurturing, motherly instinct. Her mother had been a natural at it, always knowing when her daughter was feeling ill, when she needed a hug or encouraging words. She had always believed that it had skipped a generation.

She had never seriously thought about children. With the danger she seemed to attract, that wouldn't have been a conducive environment to raise a child in. Mostly she hadn't thought she'd meet anyone to make that type of commitment with. But now with Garrus, maybe she could entertain the notion. Biologically it would never work (she had performed some miracles in her life, but overcoming biology would never be one of them), but as Garrus once told her, there would be plenty of orphans out there, in search, need, of a warm home.

Something she was all too familiar with.

John pulled away, suddenly distracted by something above them, blinking owlishly. He pointed at the windows on the fourth deck, where Javik stood, like a dictator standing watch, checking over his troops to ensure they didn't fall out of line.

Alice's eyes landed on where John was pointing. "I've never seen an alien like that before."

"Javik's a Prothean."

Alice's eyes widened. "A Prothean? You really do get to see a lot out here."

"Trust me, Alice, this is unusual even by my standards."

Shepard's eyes met Javik's four through the glass. She could tell by the look in his eyes he wanted to speak with her.

"I should probably see what he wants. If you or John need anything, tell James and he'll come get me," Shepard said, pointing the soldier out.

"Wait, Jane, before you go. Governess Talbot and Lieutenant Zabaleta. I haven't seen them." It wasn't asked in the form of a question, but Alice still wanted to hear it from Shepard.

All Shepard could manage was, "Neither of them could let go," not needing to say more.

The troubled expression popped up again on Alice's face. "Maybe the colony is cursed."

"I guess we'll never know for sure." With no one left in the colony except corpses, it would be a long time before anyone tried to re-establish a colony there again, if anyone ever did.

It didn't take long to travel up one floor. Javik was still in the same spot, staring down at the colonists.

"You know you might be creeping them out, standing over them like that, Javik. Don't think anyone of them's seen a Prothean before," Shepard said, stepping out of the elevator.

"That was not my intention." As much of an apology as she would ever get from him. "I am merely observing them."

Shepard moved beside him. "Why?"

Javik didn't answer right away. "Trying to determine whether it was worth it."

He was not going where Shepard thought he was. "To save them, you mean?" she asked as calmly as she could manage.

"Do not bother masking your true feelings, Commander. You know I can sense your emotions."

"Traynor picked up their distress signal. They were obviously in trouble. I couldn't just ignore that," Shepard argued, hand on her hip.

"But they do not serve any purpose within our armada nor did the colony seem to have strategic value. You, the turian, and the quarian were injured saving them. We could have been on the way to this Sanctuary place right now."

"Saving lives isn't important?" She shouldn't have been surprised by this. Javik was from a society where survival of the fittest was rule of their empire, but surely they had their own defenseless civilians to protect.

"Only the ones who could be of use to the war. Or if it did not get in the way of our main objective."

"Ruthless calculus," Shepard replied bitterly, disapproving of his cavalier manner.

"I am being realistic, Commander. Sometimes hard choices, sacrifices, must be made for the good of the many rather than a few. Suppose the time spent saving these colonists gave Cerberus more time with the VI lost on Thessia, provides them with information that ensured the Illusive Man's victory...?"

"I'm not reducing this war to arithmetic or hypothetical scenarios, Javik. It makes it too easy to forget what I am fighting to protect, too easy to throw away lives," Shepard replied firmly.

Javik threw a frown her way. "But you did it before, when you chose to save that quarian admiral over his crew. However much I disagree with the peace you helped broker, could you have convinced the quarians to back down without his support? What makes this any different?"

She knew exactly what made it different, but she didn't need to tell Javik that.

"I never said I'd never do it. But I try my best to avoid it. People aren't meant to be measured by their useful, Javik. Some are just scared civilians who look to people like you and me for help during a crisis. That's why I joined. Because I know exactly what that feels like."

Javik folded his hands behind his back, studying her for a moment before replying. "I never had a choice. War was bred into me. Being a soldier was not a calling, but a necessity, like breathing. If you didn't learn how to fight, you would not last long against the Reapers."

Shepard couldn't imagine living in a state of perpetual war like Javik had, where all one thinks about is war, one's leisure time spent strategizing or improving combat skills or just a breather between waves and waves of enemies.

"If we win this, hopefully no other races will have to experience that."

After Javik didn't reply, Shepard headed back to the elevator, telling him she would be in the med-bay with Garrus if he needed anything more from her.

"So, it's true, then?" Shepard stopped in her tracks at that. "You and the turian are joined?"

Shepard spun back around. "You could say that."

"I'm not. Your pheromones are," Javik said, his matter-of-fact tone doing nothing to quell the unsettling nature of his words. "Interspecies relationships always seemed like a pointless exercise." Was this his convoluted way of saying he was xenophobic in regards to relationships?

"There's more to life than just mating because biology demands us to, Javik." Why was she humoring him, even continuing to have this discussion when she didn't even want to talk to EDI?

"So it would seem," Javik conceded. Before he turned to head back to his quarters, he had one last thing to tell her.

"Do not worry or fear for his life, Commander. The turian is strong, strongest of all your crew. He will survive this."

Shepard could never have imagined Javik saying anything comforting like this during his first days on the Normandy. Saying two comforting things in a row was a new record for him. He had to have been softening, even if he denied it to his dying breath.

"Thanks, Javik. That means a lot."

He acknowledged her gratitude with nothing more than a parting nod, leaving her alone in the hallway.

* * *

The next six hours were the longest of Shepard's life.

Chakwas had not been joking about the quick progression of symptoms. Garrus started running a fever, shifting between hot and cold rapidly, one minute throwing the blanket over him away, the next grasping for it. His headache worsened, requiring them to lower the brightness of the lights. After a brief respite, the vomiting started up again, to the point nothing came up except blood in dry heaves. Body-shaking coughs started up too.

Then around the third hour, the spasms started, his limps flailing around as his entire body shook. He almost whacked her in the face with his arm until she held it down, her hand locked onto his.

The fifth hour, he complained about not being able to see Shepard properly. It didn't last for long, thankfully.

Shepard was running a cool cloth over his neck and brow, having assumed the role of caretaker, when his eyes popped open, hazy, unfocused.

"Sol? You're here?" He stared right through Shepard, another figure in her place. "M'sorry wasn't there before when Mom was sick. Had to help fight the Collectors. Had to..." he slurred, still talking to the specter of his sister.

Shepard tossed the cloth aside, laying her hand on his scarred mandible, running her thumb over the cracked plates just below his eye.

"Your sister's not here, Garrus. It's just me. Jane."

She couldn't let the disappointment that filled his eyes cut her. He wasn't thinking straight. At least he recognized it was Shepard now.

"Wasn't there when I saw my father. Last time saw her was at our mother's deathbed. Couldn't tell her then. Can't leave things like that between us." Garrus started again on a coughing fit that sent convulsions through his body and blue blood on his lips. Shepard wiped away the blood, running her fingers over his brow, hoping that soothed him in the same way it did for him to comb his talons through her hair.

"If something happens, please tell her, Jane. Please." She had never heard him beg like that before.

"I will, Garrus. But you can tell her that yourself." If she and her father were still alive, but Garrus didn't need to hear her say that. "You just need to hold on for a little while longer."

Garrus laid his head back against the pillow, eyes still retaining their haze, his hand loosely gripping hers.

It hurt. It hurt so much to see him like this. So vulnerable, so close to death's door, a fact she couldn't deny. Every rattled breath he took, every cough that shook his body, every speck of blood that appeared on lips were signs of a dying man.

All because she couldn't go down to the colony without him at her six.

It brought back the memories of when Tarak shot him with the gunship, him lying motionless on the floor, pool of blood underneath him. Then, she had been faced with almost losing a good friend, terrible enough to handle.

Now, he was her everything and more. If she lost him now...

"Commander. Sorry to bother you again, but Jacob Taylor is available on vid-com. Should I tell him to call back?" Traynor was learning just as bad timing as Joker.

"There's never going to be a right time, Traynor. I'm coming up."

Chakwas approached her, taking the discarded cloth lying on the sheets and going to wet it again. "I'll keep watch over him, don't worry."

Shepard thanked Chakwas, told her she wouldn't be away for too long. Before she left, not caring Chakwas was in the room, she rested her forehead against Garrus's, blocking out the rancid smell emanating from his mouth, not caring if the sudden urge to vomit arose she would be in the line of fire. All that mattered was the sensation of her soft skin pressed against his warm plates.

"I love you, Garrus. So much." She prayed she would get the chance to say it again, over and over. Hear her say it to him.

Garrus didn't respond at first. Had he fallen asleep? Had he even heard her?

She then felt the slightest pressure on her hand, along with a faint, "Love you too."

Only when he drifted off to sleep a few moments later could she leave the room, journey up to the comm room, where the holo-image of Jacob Taylor stood waiting for her. Even as a holo-image, she could see the strain and fatigue on his face.

"Thanks for talking to me, Jacob. I really appreciate it," Shepard greeted as she neared the image.

"After what you've done for me and Brynn, Shepard, it's only right I return the favor," Jacob replied, hiding how run-down he looked.

Shepard lay out the plan she had in mind, stressing the head-count could be in the thirties. Thankfully, Jacob seemed unfazed by the possible extra number of people he'd have to look out for.

"We have some space left. We could definitely make room for any who'd want it."

Shepard felt like a small weight had been lifted off her, allowing her to partly breathe again. "You have no idea how relieved that makes me, Jacob. I owe you one."

"There's this great little bar in Rio. After this is all over, you can buy me drinks. We'll call it even."

Shepard laughed softly. Her fate at the end of all this was certainly up for debate, but Jacob's comment still made her laugh. "Deal."

They worked out he would meet them on the Citadel, outside of the embassies. She would go and let the colonists know of the plan. Once she had a rough head-count, she could send him a message, letting him know how many to possibly expect.

"Oh, and Shepard. Brynn won't budge on the name," he said before he signed off.

"We'll just have to hope it's a girl, then. Shepard Taylor still has a terrible ring to it."

He laughed at that, saying he'd try again to make it a middle name for a boy, even as he said goodbye and ended the transmission.

"Shepard." She almost jumped at the sudden noise, wincing at what the movement did to her shoulder.

"Yes, Liara?" She turned to face her asari friend. She was wringing her hands, biting her lip.

"Dr. Chakwas wanted me to tell you Garrus is asking for you. He apparently woke up, became alarmed when he didn't see you."

"Thanks for telling me, Liara," she said as she rushed out of the room. Liara matched her pace to keep up.

"Have you been able to find out anything? About what happened leading up to all this? About the Talbots or Zabaleta?" Shepard asked as they waited for the scanner to let them through to the CIC. The two privates who always guarded the door, Westmoreland and Campbell, were unusually quiet.

"Only a little bit. The refugee situation on Thessia demanded my attention. I'll get on it as soon as..."

"No," Shepard shook her head, interrupting her. "There's no rush. It's just information. The refugees should be your top priority."

As she stepped into the CIC, a wave of lightheadedness overpowering her, faltering her steps. Liara grabbed her uninjured arm to steady her. Traynor noticed Shepard's struggle and moved to help her too, but Shepard waved her off, saying she'd be fine. Traynor went back to her station, lips twitching in a worried frown.

"After you check on Garrus, you really should rest," Liara insisted as she helped Shepard to the elevator.

"Not you too," Shepard ground out, the dizziness lifting. "I'm checking on Garrus, then going to talk to the colonists."

"Let one of us do that," Liara offered.

Shepard knew Liara was only trying to be helpful, just like Ash, but she couldn't help the irritation emerging within her. Why couldn't they all understand? Sleep wasn't helping her, not with the nightmares that plagued her every night. She wasn't going to leave Garrus's side. And she owed it to the colonists to tell them the news herself.

Shepard shrugged off Liara's arm. "Once I do that, I'm staying with Garrus until we arrive at the Citadel. If you manage to have time before we get there, let me know if you find anything."

Liara watched Shepard enter the elevator, her dark blue eyes shaded with worry. "Shepard..."

"That's my final word, Liara."

Liara's concerned face didn't break away from hers even as the elevator doors closed in front of them, leaving Shepard alone in that tiny space, feeling like the walls were closing in around her, threatening to suffocate her.

* * *

A/N: Stay turned for next chapter when they finally arrive on the Citadel. Only two more chapters to go. Hard to believe it's almost over. Let me know what you guys think!


	13. -13-

A/N: As always, thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, or followed this story. Means so much and definitely keeps me motivated!

* * *

-13-

_Only a few more minutes until the Einstein docked in Vancouver. They had all been told the plan for about a week and Shepard still felt unprepared, terrified of the arrival, what it would all mean._

_They still hadn't told her, what they were planning to do with her. The word "orphanage" had been passed around, but she had just turned sixteen. She wasn't a child anymore. She would be completely legal in two years. _

_The soldier who spoke the most to her, Corporal Cartweiler, suggested trying to find next of kin, but she had never had contact with her grandparents and both of her parents had been only children. She had no idea if she even had family out there willing to shelter her. _

_The only alternative was one that terrified Shepard to her core. They would cast her out to live on her own. Cartweiler had tried assuring her that wouldn't happen, they'd come up with arrangements, but she could tell by the doubt in his honey-brown eyes. He was placating her. He had no more idea than she did. Not that she didn't appreciate his efforts. All of the Einstein crew, really. They had all been kind to the refugees throughout this terrible ordeal. If only she could find the one who saved her in the field. If only she had the gall to ask._

_Shepard bit on her thumb nail, chewing at it until the nail and part of the skin ripped away, disregarding the sharp metallic taste entering her mouth a second later. She wanted to believe things would work out, hope one of her relatives was still alive, but what if they did set her loose? She had never been on her own before. She had always been under her parents' roof, somewhat sheltered from others. She had never navigated through anything larger than a farming colony, certainly not a sprawling metropolis with endless streets, dark back alleys, and mass of humanity all in one place to the point of suffocation. She had no money, no title or surname to fall back on, and no possessions to call her own. All she had were the clothes on her back. Everything of value to her had been burnt to the ground._

_The very thought brought sharp tears to Shepard's eyes again and a growing lump in her throat. It hadn't even been a month and the pain was just as crippling as the day it happened. _

_She gave into the crushing emotions again, wrapping her arms around her knees and rocking herself, burrowing her head in the space between her knees, breathing through her nose. She didn't know how to prevent this from happening. She hated how drained it made her feel, but she couldn't let go of her grief, her deep-seated fear she would be on her own._

_She tried to imagine her father, her wise and courageous father, by her side, advising her what to do, but the image was almost always interrupted by the memory of him lying on the floor of their house and she couldn't make the image go away. _

_She didn't want to remember her father like that._

_A tapping at the door caused her to jump off the bed. She seemed to be easily startled by sudden noises these days._

_The door slowly opened with an obnoxious creaking noise, revealing a middle-aged man with a kindly face. "Miss Jane? You aren't down in the docking hangar yet." His soft eyes focused in on her red eyes and puffy cheeks. "Is everything alright?"_

_Instead of answering, Shepard straightened the covers out so there was no visible wrinkle. Just so she wouldn't see the kindness in his eyes coaxing her to spill her darkest memories out to him. She wasn't ready for that._

_Not that she really talked much to anyone. She couldn't recall any time during the past month where she answered questions with more than a few word reply._

_She finally chanced a quick glance and gave him an earnest nod, hoping it was convincing enough. Judging from the concern flooding his eyes a moment later, she would safely say not._

_He stepped further into the narrow room, the limp he had gained during the First Contact War after multiple shots to his leg, striking him in both the muscle and nerve, more noticeable to her the closer he came. _

_He eased himself down on her tidied plain brown bedspread, doing his best to keep it just as she made it, as if it really mattered, as if it was a prized possession of hers, something she owned since childhood._

_"I know this can't be easy for you, child. To lose so much. But bottling it up like this won't make the pain go away."_

_He was willingly offering a sympathetic ear, a shoulder to cry on when some of the parts of the story became too much._

_If she had been confrontational, she would have demanded what he could possibly know of the pain she was trying to deal with, but she wasn't. She was too shy, meek. Instead, she shook her head, silently pleading with him she couldn't bear to relive all of it again,_

_He relented with a heavy sigh, rising from the bed. She could sense the conflict raging within him. He truly believed it would help her to talk, but he didn't want to cause her more emotional distress._

_"Follow me, then. I'll take you to the hangar." She didn't even take a moment to look around at the room that had become her home the past month. It meant nothing to her, just a place to sleep, not anything she could call her own. _

_He guided her through the endless corridors of the freighter that twisted and turned like a maze with the ease and familiarity that came with being assigned to the same ship for multiple tours._

_"I've been speaking with a friend at the Vancouver base. She's going to look out for you and try to find your relatives."_

_Shepard picked her head up at that, heaving found the zig-zag pattern on the chrome floor interesting to follow. Her father had always been on her about keeping her head up when walking through the colony and not at the ground. She was worth something, she remembered her father telling her one night. If she wanted anyone to truly believe it, she needed to show she believed that too. She never truly shook off the habit._

_She looked at the Corporal, cautiously hopeful, but still unable to squelch that tiny voice in her mind that it didn't mean she was safe. Maybe they shelter her for a week, a month, maybe a few, if she was lucky._

_Cartweiler stopped in his tracks, seeing the caution on her face. He reached out to lay a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Do not worry, Miss Jane. Everything will work out. Everything will be alright."_

_She wanted to believe that, feel that type of certainty again, but after witnessing what she had, she realized nothing could be definite anymore._

_But she was going to try. She was._

_She managed to get out a wispy, "Thank you," her vocal cords feeling a bit rusty from little use._

_He dropped her with all the other refugees. She couldn't remember how many the Einstein had evacuated and how many decided to stay. Of those on the Einstein, there were only a few she vaguely recognized. She hadn't really made much of an effort to get to know many people well. Bran's family, at least his father from what she heard, had elected to stay and rebuild. Since he had been one of its founders, uprooted his family and risked everything on Mindoir, not a surprise he would stay._

_Poor Bran..._

_This was no time for tears, she scolded herself when she felt the sting in her eyes (a feeling she had become all too familiar with over the past few weeks). That would come much later, if and when she discovered her fate that day. Though she doubted it would be that quick._

_The Corporal gave her a heartfelt goodbye, wishing her well, leaving her to wait with her fellow colonists. No one paid her any mind, too wrapped up in their thoughts or in comforting the younger children to notice a teenage girl just as scared as the children and just as unsure as the adults that everything would be ok._

_When the endless waiting finally ceased and they were all directed off the Einstein, Shepard kept on repeating to herself that it would be ok, in the hope that the one-time she said it, she'd actually believe it..._

* * *

"I had heard stories, saw vids about the Citadel, but I never imagined it'd be so big. It's all so intimidating," Alice remarked to Shepard as she watched the passing sky-cars through one the embassy windows out in the hallway.

Cortez had been right. Just like watching freighters and ships coming into docks, there was something soothing about watching the cars passing by. Made everything seem so tranquil, even with what had happened with the coup, even with the Reapers strengthening their press on the galaxy.

"Any major city would be intimidating," Shepard replied beside her, grimacing at the growing pounding in her shoulder. The meds Chakwas had given her were obviously wearing off.

Jacob had sent a message that he would be there shortly. Once she was positive he had everything under control, she would head to Huerta to check on those colonists who needed medical attention (somehow the two in critical condition had rallied and at least made it to the Citadel) and then stay with Garrus until the antidote was ready. The salarian doctor who she had given the Cerberus poison to before assured her a cure could be developed relatively quickly, but with their influx of patients and limited number of doctors, it was questionable if he could devote all his time to creating it.

Shepard had all but begged him to. With how Garrus was, she didn't want to leave anything to chance, even if they had made it back to the Citadel in close to twelve hours.

John had long since lost interest in looking outside, rotating his head around at all the displaced aliens. His mother's grip on his hand never once loosened, and unlike most children who would have felt stifled by the restriction, he seemed to take comfort in it. Despite being inquisitive, he seemed to cling to his mother whenever in a group of people.

Alice broke away from watching the cars, gazing at Shepard, the desire to ask a question written on her face. "Was it like this for you? When the Einstein made it to Earth?"

"Yeah. It was," Shepard admitted. "I had no idea what was going to happen to me. Luckily they were able to track down my grandfather pretty quickly, but those first few days were nerve-wracking," Shepard said, seeing the image of her teenage self, rocking herself back to sleep after a nightmare, when she was sure the other refugees she shared the room with were fast asleep.

"At least we don't have to worry about that, thanks to you, Jane."

"You owe me nothing, Alice." She really didn't. It truly was enough for Shepard to know she had saved some lives.

"Yes I do. And I don't know how yet, but I'll find a way to repay you." From the determination on her face, Shepard knew she couldn't dissuade her.

Jacob arrived without fanfare a few moments later, giving Shepard's hand a vigorous shake. They exchanged quick pleasantries, not really needing to say much more after having talked a few hours before.

Twenty-three of the colonists had taken Shepard up on her offer. The rest who hadn't gone to the hospital (Thomas the technician and Miles, and Dr. Chindra among them) decided to take their chances on the Citadel, try to get in contact with relatives or friends there or in other places in the galaxy (assuming they weren't under Reaper control). She made sure to give them Jacob's contact info in case their plans changed. Matthews and the only other marine to survive reported back to the Alliance to await their re-assignments.

The colonists came up to Shepard again, profusely thanking her for getting them out. She offered her contact information if anyone needed to get in touch with her. She'd prove Talbot wrong.

As far as she knew, Liara still hadn't found out anything on Talbot or Zabaleta. Not that was her top priority at the moment.

Alice and John were the last ones to say goodbye, with Alice giving Shepard a friendly embrace.

"Take care, Jane. When this is all over, we can meet up again." Alice tried to sound confident they would see each other again, but Shepard heard the doubt. The same type Shepard carried for two years after the raid. The same she carried now.

"I'd like that, Alice." They'd pretend for the moment. "Keep in touch." She knelt down so she was properly face to face with John. "And you too, John. Stay just as brave as you are now." Not many other children could have seen what he had and retained the emotional strength even some adults struggled to maintain.

He gave a careful, slow nod, as if he was seriously taking in her words. He brushed his small hand against her head, pushing hair over her forehead and murmured to her in that voice that struggled to stay low, one Shepard could barely hear over the din of so many voices in the room, "It'll be ok."

The strength of his conviction behind those words floored Shepard. Was he talking about himself and his mother? Garrus? Or could he been referring to the war? Maybe even Shepard herself?

She wished she could have been so strong after the raid.

As she watched Jacob escort the colonists to his ship, she couldn't help but think how familiar the sight seemed, think back to the day her grandfather finally arrived to take her home with him...

_Shepard had been swinging her legs back and forth on the chair like a child, even though her legs were long enough to touch the floor, and trying to block out the debate between two off-duty and overly-boisterous officials whether asari had better bodies than humans when the soldier who had been helping her and a man who she had never seen before approached her._

_The tobacco smell on his clothing which permeated the air was the first thing she noticed. Upon closer glance, she could definitely tell this man was related to her. The bony structure and thin face, eyes under bushy eyebrows that were the same ocean-blue of her father's but lacked any of the same zest or warmth, and a head of hair that only contained a few streaks of the light brown that had been distinguishable on her father. _

_He introduced himself politely enough with a voice that sounded like he was talking through a pile of rocks in his mouth, but didn't offer any warm embraces or ask if she was alright like her parents would have._

_She had known not to expect much when she was finally told her grandfather was alive and willing to take her in, but she thought she'd feel more relief. Instead she felt hollow, his presence a reminder of what she had once had and lost. Was she supposed to feel this way? Shouldn't she be happier that she wouldn't be on her own?_

_It didn't really strike her until her grandfather signed all the necessary paperwork and escorted her to the transport station to head to his farm in California. She was still afraid, didn't know what to expect from this man who hadn't spoken a single word to her after greeting her._

_She still felt alone..._

Shepard shook her head, bringing herself out of the memory. There would be time enough later for that.

She had a turian who needed her by his side.

* * *

"How's he doing? The doctor come by with any updates?" Shepard asked Tali when she entered Garrus's room, hit with the sterile air and anesthetic odors trying to mask the smell of decay and illness.

"Not since we got here. They did give him something to help with the vomiting and coughing, though. It might have made him drowsy." Shepard shouldn't have been surprised. It hadn't been that long since they had dropped Garrus and the injured colonists off.

Shepard took the seat Tali had been occupying, studying the sleeping Garrus with a careful eye. He had been in and out of consciousness that last hour on the Normandy, struggling to stay awake. She had tried keeping him as calm as possible, after the full-blown panic he had worked himself into after she had left to talk to Jacob. To see such a wild look in his eyes, hear that low keening sound bursting forth from the back of his throat in sporadic spurts...it just wasn't like him to allow this much vulnerability to show through, to be so transparent. He had come close a few times, but not to this extreme.

"So'd Jacob come and take the colonists? Everything went ok? No Cerberus traps?"

Shepard nodded. "Thankfully. He's going to put them up with the scientists' families, see where it goes from there."

"The others are still doing alright?"

"Seems like it." Before she had journeyed to Garrus's room, she had stopped in on the injured colonists. They weren't completely in the clear, but now that they could be properly monitored, they might have a chance of pulling through. It gave her hope for Garrus.

Shepard leaned in closer, whispering into his ear-canal, hoping he could hear her, "I'm back, Garrus. As soon as they cure you, I'm going to bust you out of here, even if I have to fight my way out." A sad smile crossed her face, remembering how during their mission to save Maelon, he had told her hospitals weren't fun to fight through.

"What is fun to fight through?" she had asked him, still tense from the last battle with a bunch of flame-thrower wielding vorchas, one of whom almost cornered her and burnt her to a crisp.

"Gardens. Electronic shops. Antique stores, but only if they're classy." The straight-face alone had made her laugh, feel much better.

He always made her laugh.

"Guess you were right after all, Dad," She hadn't realized she said that out loud until she saw Tali staring at her inquisitively.

"It's nothing, Tali. I appreciate you watching over him while I was gone."

"Of course," Tali said, voice brewing with warmth. "I care about him too, Jane."

_Jane...He kept on calling me that._ _He never switched back..._

She couldn't believe she hadn't realized it before. Tali, Liara. They had switched between "Jane" and "Shepard," but Garrus hadn't since the Memorial Wall. Not that she minded being called Shepard, she really didn't, but the fact that Garrus didn't...

She didn't know if it meant anything, signified a strengthening of their relationship, but it left her with a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach. Only to be replaced by the thought she may never hear him say it again.

"You don't look good." Tali was staring at her with worried eyes.

Shepard combed a shaky hand through her hair from the crown to the ends (noting she did seem warmer than usual when her palm touched her forehead, but that could mean a number of things), trying to cringe as she accidentally moved her injured shoulder too jerkily.

She didn't know what to say to appease Tali. But she'd try. Just like she did with Ash and Liara. "I'm fine, Tali."

"Garrus was right. You really are a terrible liar."

"I'm almost insulted. Tell that to both of those asari I tricked on Illium on two separate occasions."

"I meant when it comes to you." Tali paused, as if trying to figure out the best way to tell Shepard she needed to rest. "I can keep watch on him while you take a quick..."

"No," Shepard interrupted more forcefully than she meant, still looking at Garrus. Did his plates seem paler than before? She couldn't for the life of her recall at the moment. She couldn't really seem to focus on much of anything.

Tali took even longer with her reply, finally saying hesitantly, "Garrus wouldn't want you to strain yourself."

Shepard froze in her seat. When she finally looked at Tali, she saw the pain in her sapphire eyes staring back at her from their reflection on Tali's helmet.

"You only saw him asleep. You didn't see him like I did when I left to talk to Jacob. He thought I was gone. The look of panic on his face..." Shepard banished the image away. "I had to tell the colonists about the offer to go with Jacob by comm in the med-bay because he was afraid I'd disappear for good. I don't ever want to be the one to cause him to look like that again." She knew that was bull the moment she said it. She could very well instill that intense anxiety in him again, but she wouldn't say that in front of Tali.

Tali made a sound that made it seem like she had more to say, but was interrupted by a pinging of her omni-tool.

"Damn it. It's from the Fl...Rannoch," Tali amended. Even though Shepard couldn't see her face, she could see the apology bubbling up in her eyes. Tali exited the room to take the call in a more private area of the hospital, not that there was anywhere really private anymore with the number of people there now.

She came back in a few minutes later to let Shepard know Admiral Raan wanted her to check on the status of supplies being transported to Rannoch, which were late by almost a month. Had it really been that long already since they had put an end to the geth-quarian war?

When Tali insisted she'd put it off, Shepard shot her down, saying she understood and she'd be fine alone with Garrus. Tali still seemed unsure, but further nudging from Shepard finally had her out the door with the promise she would get back as quickly as possible.

Shepard leaned back in her chair, letting her body sink into it as much as was possible on a non-padded, arm-less chair. Her eyelids were feeling heavier than usual, but she jolted herself awake (causing more discomfort to her shoulder) when they began to shut all the way. She couldn't fall asleep now. She didn't want to.

She lost track of how long she sat like that, just waiting until the doctors came back, antidote in their hands. The only way she would leave her vigil at Garrus's side.

His shallow, ragged breaths were the only sounds flooding the room save for the steady beep of the machines monitoring his vitals. At least he hadn't woken up into another coughing or vomiting fit. Or uncontrollable spasms.

Unable to do anything else, Shepard laid her hand over his resting on the bed at his side, running her thumb over his knuckles. Her back was already screaming at her for contorting into the same rigid position it had been in for hours on the Normandy, but she ignored it.

"It won't be too much longer, big guy. They'll give you an antidote and I'll confine you to bed rest for about a week. But I'll make it worth your while, I promise." She couldn't bear the quietness of the room anymore. Even if he didn't answer, it was better than listening to his struggles to breathe, knowing she couldn't do anything to ease the discomfort.

"But not too long. You still have to beat me at our sniping contests before we head back to Earth. I'd count on top of the Presidium, but I let you win."

She swore she saw Garrus crack a tiny smile at that, but when she looked closer, he was still asleep.

"Despite everything that happened, I don't know if I could have gone down there without you beside me," Shepard confessed. "I don't know if I could do any of this without you. I've spent sixteen years trying to convince myself I could do things on my own, just so I wouldn't feel that type of helpless again. But it's too late. You mean too much to me now."

She was doing nothing more than rambling, words spewing from her like it was nothing more than a reflex action.

"And how I treated you after that dream... I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I could never be mad at you for long. Not when I know you're just looking out for me."

She swallowed. She could feel the slight tremors in her hand over his. "I should have told you. About the dream. How you and everyone I know turned into husks. You attacking me, saying I failed you, but I'm apparently a coward."

She let go of his hand to rest it on his cheek. He didn't press into it like he normally would have. "But I'm admitting it now. Please, Garrus. For once, don't be a bad turian. I'm ordering you to stay alive. Because _I_ need you too."

She didn't hear the machine change its tone right away, fully realizing it when the long, flat beep droned at her for longer than a few seconds. His ragged breathing had suddenly ceased, as suddenly as an on/off switch had been flipped in his lungs.

She looked down at him in growing horror, barely able to cry out his name, the words caught in her throat. She finally managed a strangled, "No," before her throat seized up again.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to clutch onto his body and not let go, as if she could somehow will him back to life. But all she could do was sit there frozen like a statue, her voice screaming, painfully echoing in her mind:

_No!_ _This can't be happening!_ _Not again!_

A whirlwind of doctors and nurses came in to revive him (they must have had some monitoring system in place outside the room). One of the doctors asked her something, but she didn't hear him, voice muffled and sounded like it was so far away when it could only have been a foot. She then felt two pairs of arms pulling her away. She didn't even resist. How she wanted to, but her muscles were locked.

"Come on, Jane." Tali. She had come back, been one the ones to pull her away.

Everything was closing in around her again. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think, she couldn't move. Her vision darkened at the edges, the dizziness returned with a vengeance.

"Let's get you outside," Liara said into her ear.

Tali and Liara loosened their grips on her for a brief second and that's all she need to crumble to the floor in a heap, blacking out before she hit and as Tali and Liara cried out her name.

* * *

It was always scorching in the summer on Mindoir when the sun was out in all its glory, making no effort to hide behind the clouds. Though she spent the day doing chores outside, on her off days she still liked to take a book and find a soft spot in the grass to lay on, or just daydream and soak in the sun's rays, careful to apply lotion every hour or so to prevent sunburn on her fine, pale skin.

That's what it felt like when she came back to awareness, her eyes cracking open, easily mistaking the med-bay's blinding overhead light for one of those sunny days, her mind lulling her someplace comforting and safe.

The illusion was quickly shattered when she heard voices beside her and a dimming of the lights a second later.

It helped, though her vision was still swimming and she couldn't distinguish one voice from another yet. They all jumbled together in one big mumble.

"Shepard. Shepard, can you hear me?"

Dr. Chakwas, her mind told her. She was in the med-bay, back on the Normandy, but why should she be there? Hadn't she been on the...?

Everything came back to her. With adrenaline coursing through her veins, rejuvenating her, she bolted up, her head spinning at the sudden moment, prompting her to fall back down onto the pillow with a low groan.

"Try to take it easy, Commander. You've been out for two days. You hit your head pretty well. Just be lucky you didn't fall on your shoulder again," Dr. Chakwas said, scolding her like a disobedient child.

Another figure approached her side, her white armor giving her away before her blue face came into view.

"Jane, thank the Goddess! We were all so worried when you fainted on us like that," Liara gushed with relief. "I told you that you needed to rest."

"Garrus...Liara, where is he?" she asked in a choked whisper. She didn't care that she didn't hurt her shoulder even more or she probably gave herself a concussion. All that mattered was if Garrus was still ok.

She had her answer before Liara even moved her lips, when a weight on Shepard's free hand that she hadn't noticed before squeezed it and a deep, familiar, dual-flanging voice murmured her name.

She slowly turned her head with bated breath, hardly daring to believe it, letting it out when her eyes landed on an alive, albeit extremely-exhausted looking but _alive, _and aware Garrus staring down at her from the cot next to hers, propped up by the pillows and wall behind him. Shepard caught the soft smile on Liara's face out of the corner of her eye.

She eased herself back up, Liara and Garrus helping her with hands on her back. Shepard shakily pulled her hand out of Garrus's grasp, placing it on his scarred plates, tracing the ridges and bumps underneath her fingertips. This time, he pressed into her touch, just like usual.

"You ok?" That almost made her break right then and there.

"Isn't that supposed to be my line?" she croaked, making a half-heartened effort to tease him, tracing his colonial markings on that side now. "Cutting it a bit close, weren't you?"

"You know me, living on the edge."

She didn't have anything to say to that. What could she say, other than the truth? The great Commander Shepard had been scared, just as scared as during the raid, the month afterwards.

The tears welling in her eyes poured forth before she could stop them, the weight of emotion from the past few days crushing her, overwhelming her once again. She made no discernible effort to brush them away, but she did lower her head.

"Don't cry." He lifted her chin up between two talons, and she took in his cobalt eyes, lucid and clear once again. The sight only made her cry harder, her body softly shaking with silent sobs, not having the strength to make much noise.

"Don't cry, Jane," he repeated, adding her name this time, wiping the tear tracks away with a thumb then tucking the stray strands of her hair behind her ears. "I'm here. They gave me the antidote in time, no side effects. No extra limbs or fringe growing in weird places" She managed a weak smile at the joke.

He pulled her closer to him, just as mindful of her arm as Tali had been. He even smelled like Garrus again, with that hint of smoky pinewood, no stench of death on him. He nuzzled the crown of her pounding head, then allowing her to rest it onto his carapace, coating his neck with tears. "It's alright."

How many times had she said that to terrified civilians over the years? To those who needed to be helped, looked to her to provide it? She couldn't deny it now. Just like at the Memorial Wall, it felt really good to be on the receiving end.

Liara and Dr. Chakwas had ducked out to give them privacy, for which Shepard would be thankful once she snapped out of this emotional display. But it would take awhile for it to fully sink in.

Garrus was alive. And if he wasn't completely, he would be ok.

If only for a moment, everything would be ok.

* * *

A/N: I hope everyone can breathe a little more easily now! Just one more chapter to go. Let me know what you guys thought!


	14. -14-

A/N: So after re-writes of re-writes of re-writes, I finally have a final (very long) chapter! A huge thank you to barbex, Curls101, Danie-Dono, and Pint-sized She-Bear for your reviews last chapter, as well as those who have favorited and followed this story to its conclusion.

* * *

-14-

_Shepard is only a few feet away, so close to catching her. Alice came up to her and ran, begging Bran and Shepard to play tag with her. Jane readily agreed. Now here they are, with Alice leading her on a chase throughout the colony, the flowers that tangled themselves in Alice's hair from rolling down the hill earlier flying off her long ebony hair in a whirlwind of orange and white petals, the name of this native plant Shepard escaping her for some reason. _

_Everyone seems to shift perfectly out of their way to let them pass. The high-noon sun is baking Shepard, soaking her face with fine beads of sweat. The fountain in the center of the colony, a popular place for socializing among both children and adults, beckons her to dip her head in to cool herself, but she resists the siren call. She calls for Alice to slow down, but all she gets are the light-hearted giggles of an innocent child ringing in the air as her answer._

_Alice leads her to her family's home, her parents inside and welcoming Alice with open arms. Even Bran made it to the house, standing by her father, engaging him in philosophy. Her father smiles at her entrance, the same inviting and kind smile that is distinctively__Robert Shepard. Bran smiles at her too, more hesitant, but she sees the true meaning in his eyes. He likes her too. If only they both had the courage to act on it. _

_Her mother comes up to her, asking her to go out and retrieve fresh fruit. Shepard takes the basket from her mother's hand. It feels like a block of lead around her arm, but she doesn't say anything. She'll do this small favor for her mother. She heads to the door out to their modest-sized field, picking enough fruit to fill the basket._

_Distant screams carry through the air as she walks back, the sun now hidden behind sinister black clouds that crop up from nowhere. She picks up her pace. She doesn't want to be outside anymore. She needs to be home._

_She sees her father's body first, the shotgun wound to the gut and the caved-in head. Then her mother, body riddled with bullets. Bran has a single shot to the head, nice and clean. Only Alice remains, but she is badly wounded, her now adult body clutching onto the broken and battered body of her son. It isn't much longer until she collapses against the wall, the life fading from her eyes. _

_The basket falls to the floor, the fruit rolling across the floor. Shepard opens her mouth in a scream, but no sound issues forth, no matter how hard she tries._

_The blood from the bodies seeps onto the floor and runs towards Shepard, pooling at her feet. Everyone's eyes are cracked half-open and lifeless, yet they're still glaring in her direction. They blame her for not doing something. For leaving._

_"Look at what you've done to them, Shepard. Their blood will always be on your hands!" Shepard whirls around to see Margaret Talbot, blood seeping through multiple gunshot wounds to the chest, staining her shirt until there is no other color except that of blood red. _

_"I couldn't save them," Shepard weakly argues, her voice working again. No, this isn't right. Alice and her son are alive, she remembers now. They're safe, they survived. But she cannot deny the sight in front of her. _

_"Couldn't?" She points an accusatory finger down at the bodies of her parents and then of Bran. "Or wouldn't?"_

_"No!" Shepard covers her ears. "Why are you tormenting me? I saved the colonists! I saved Alice and John! I brought them to the Citadel! They're safe!"_

_"Is Alice's father? Is my husband? Am I?" Talbot continues to throw accusations, wanting to make Shepard suffer the guilt even more. "Think of how many you let die, Shepard, because you failed to act sooner!"_

_Shepard has still not uncovered her ears. "Please, stop...I didn't want to kill you, I swear! I didn't want anyone to die!"_

_The blood continues to rise inside the house, covering the bodies. It is now up to Shepard's knees, rising faster and faster by the second until she is literally paddling through it to get to the door. Talbot doesn't even try to fight the rising sea of blood, letting it pull her under._

_Shepard runs out into the field. She can hear the ground crumbling underneath her, see all of Mindoir engulfed in flames. She doesn't want to fall. She doesn't want to burn. _

_She soon bumps into something solid, which immediately wraps itself around her, encasing her in a protective cocoon, murmuring in his dual-toned voice that never fails to calm her, "It's alright, Jane, I'm here."_

"_Garrus." She shuts her eyes to block out the excruciating screams rattling around in her head, focusing on him. Only on him. Knowing, trusting, he will keep her safe._

_Her eyes quickly snap open when his embrace tightens to the point it is almost painful, suffocating. She let out a whimper when his talons penetrate her skin even through her civilian clothing._

"_How could you do this, Jane?" He is practically squeezing the life out of her now. She tries to pull away, but she suddenly is limp-less and weak in his hold. "How could you let me die?"_

_She tilts her head up at his words, a horrified cry crawling into her mouth at his decayed form leering down at her with his Marauder-like eyes._

"_No! You're alive! I saved you!"_

_The repulsion on his face only strengthens. He might as well have stuck a dagger in her heart. "Look at what following you brought me. I regret ever having loved you." He twists the dagger deeper into her. _

_Shepard finds the strength to shake her head hard. "No, Garrus, please!"_

_The fire from the rest of Mindoir finally catches up with them, the ground shifts beneath their feet, now on a circle of land that hasn't dissolved. Mindoir continues to burn in the distance. The shadows surround them, taking the shapes of her Reaperized crew, even a husk version of Anderson, and the rotting corpses of her parents, Bran, Alice, John, and Talbot. And the Earth child. Always the child. _

_Another shadow appears beside Garrus, who is holding Shepard over the edge of the circle, ready to drop her into the fire below. _

_"Now everyone sees who you really are, Shepard. You're not a hero, just some colony girl who got lucky and was too busy cowering like a fucking child scared of the bogeyman to save her own parents." It is unavoidable to notice the gunshot wound to Zabaleta's head, a piece of brain visible to the world, the blood coating his entire face like it is war paint._

_"If I'd known who you were, I would have helped you," Shepard swears breathlessly. It is getting harder to breathe, with Garrus choking the life out of her._

_Zabaleta lights a cigarette, blowing the smoke into Shepard's face, burning her eyes. _

_"It's too late for that." He jerks his head at Garrus, like he is one of his soldiers under his command, giving an order that must be followed without question._

_No hesitation crosses Garrus's face, no regret in his usually warm blue-grey eyes at harming the woman he once said he'd be lost without. _

_Garrus follows it. _

_Shepard screams as he throws her over the edge. She plunges into the fire, the skin stripping away from her body upon contact. The pain is unbearable. _

_Even as she feels her life ebb away from her, she can still hear them, the voices of her crew and Anderson, of Zabaleta, of Talbot, of Bran, Alice and John telling her she failed them. All mixing in a terrible symphony that curls her blood. And before she hits the bottom of the pit, she hears those of her parents drowning out the others, wishing they hadn't sacrificed themselves so she could live, ashamed to call her their own..._

Shepard jerked awake, breathing heavily, dried tears smeared on her fevered cheeks. Somehow, she hadn't woken up Garrus, whose arm was curled snuggly around her waist, his hot breath blowing through the snarled knots of her hair. Normally she would welcome the contact, but after that dream...

She carefully untangled herself and padded to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She twisted the faucet on, splashing the cold water on her face, over and over like that would wash everything away. Make it better, somehow.

She had actually been doing pretty well with the nightmares since she woke up a few days before. This was the first night they had gotten just as bad as usual.

She tried to brace more weight with her left arm than her right, spotting the black, blue and purplish mass still stamped on her shoulder like it was a piece of artwork gone wrong (or right, depending on one's tastes). Least it was smaller in size and less swollen.

She had convinced Dr. Chakwas that afternoon to take off those aluminum cylinder things that passed for a protective cast, along with the sling. She told the doctor it felt much better (even if that wasn't completely true). She just wanted the freedom of using both her arms again. After a battle of wills back and forth between the two women, Chakwas finally relented, but told Shepard it was only on condition she not do anything too strenuous with it or it would end up back in the cast and sling faster than she could blink and she'd mark Shepard as unfit to go out in the field.

She broke out of her thoughts when she heard a baritone voice still laced with sleep calling her name. She stepped out of the bathroom, spotting Garrus through her collection of model ships situated in their glass case, lifting himself up from the bed.

"Can't sleep?" He sounded a little less disoriented.

"And here I thought I hadn't woken you," Shepard said, attempting to shoot him a sly smile as she headed back to the bed.

"Not a chance. Heightened senses. Comes from all that survivalist training they made us go through back in the military."

_And on Omega…_

She didn't need to think about that either.

Shepard plopped back down on the bed, but just on the edge, back a column of tension turned away from Garrus. She wasn't ready to get back into bed just yet.

Her ears perked up at some rustling. A pair of arms wrapped around her waist behind her, pulling her into his warm body in an embrace that felt more like Garrus, not the one from her dreams. They couldn't seem to get enough of each other the past couple of days. Whenever they were alone, they always found an excuse to touch each other, arm or arms around the other. Part of her still wanted to make sure that she hadn't dreamt Garrus's survival. As for Garrus, she couldn't say what the reasons were for him, but maybe he wanted to savor every moment of having her in reach, in case things went south during the final assault.

Yet she did start when she felt his arms come around. Instead of initially feeling comfort or warmth, all she felt was that moment of dread before dream Garrus let go, but she forced herself to calm down and remember this was not dream Garrus. This was her Garrus.

"You should be resting," she said calmly, hoping he hadn't notice.

Garrus had recovered from the worst of the symptoms in a quick amount of time, but she could tell the experience had left him drained. After such a siege on his body, that wasn't a surprise. She just thanked whatever higher power existed the doctors and nurses could revive him and the salarian doctor finished brewing the antidote not too shortly after. She just wished she could have been there when he woke up, instead of fainting like that.

If he noticed the slight twitch, he didn't say anything, instead situating them so he was resting against the headboard with her settled between his legs bent at the knees. He swept her hair over her injured shoulder so he could plant a soothing kiss on the back of her neck, the hairs there tingling from the rough plates of his mouth touching them. "So should you."

Her head didn't hurt as much as before and she certainly had worse. She couldn't afford to rest, not when they were shipping out to Sanctuary the next day.

She turned on her side to press her face into the side of his neck, minding the angry, thin scar there, pushing away the unease the sight of it caused. "Just feeling a little wired."

He rested his head on top of hers, nuzzling it gently. "Bad dream again?"

So much for just trying to go back to sleep.

She pressed herself closer to him, relying on the warmth of his body to fight off the chill the dream brought back. "Yeah."

Silence crept on them for a brief moment before Garrus decided to break it. "Do you want to talk about it?" She could feel the rumble of his voice in his chest.

"Not demanding me this time?"

"Considering where it got us before, figured I'd try a new tactic. But I could always insist I won't let you go until you do." His grip tightened to emphasize his words, to the point his talons were lightly digging into the skin left exposed by her tank top.

She froze, a deep and violent shudder racking her body, the repulsed and remorseless face of dream Garrus flashing in her mind. This shouldn't have happened. She should have had some witty comeback, like she didn't see the incentive of leaving his embrace, not this.

Even if he hadn't noticed her reaction before, there was no way he wouldn't notice this one.

"What is it? What's wrong?" His voice was filled to the brim with concern.

"It's nothing, just…can you let go a bit?" she asked, her throat tight.

At her request, he lifted his talons off her waist, but kept his arms around her loosely, lacing his talons together. Shepard murmured her thanks. That helped her get a grip, remember where she was, who she was with, for the second time that night. In her cabin on the Normandy, with Garrus, the man she couldn't picture living her life without.

"Sorry, big guy, don't know what came over me." It had nothing to do with him, she hoped he understood that.

He replied by rubbing his mandible against her temple, with more hesitancy than usual. "You know, I meant it when I said we're in this together. You don't have to face anything alone anymore; I thought I made that clear enough on Mindoir. You can lean on me when you need it. I promise I won't drop you."

She knew he meant those last words in jest, but the deeper meaning behind it brought a lump to her throat she didn't think she could swallow back down. It made her more ashamed than she could put into words that she even thought for one second he would hurt her.

"I'm already leaning on you," she mumbled into his neck.

"Don't ruin my heroic moment of comforting you, Jane."

She really didn't want to talk about it, not after getting so heavy and becoming an emotional wreck on Garrus twice in a week. She had no interest in possibly a third sobbing session.

She raised her face to look into his eyes, overflowing with devotion and understanding and concern. He wouldn't judge her, think her weak or a coward. He would just listen and hold and comfort her, just as he did at the Memorial Wall. On the battlefield, there was no one she trusted more to be at her six. Why shouldn't that trust extend to other areas, to her dreams, her fears?

"I know it's foolish," Shepard began softly. "But I was back on Mindoir. First in my old house with my parents, Alice, John, and Bran. I went out into the field to get some fruit and came back to find everyone dead. Talbot confronted me, accused of failing them, including her, and that I didn't really save the colonists. They all disappeared under a sea of blood."

She forced herself to continue. She was half-way done. She had to see it through. "I ran out into the field. Everything was going up in flames, the ground crumbled beneath my feet. Then you were there, telling me everything would be ok. I let my guard down and you…hurt me. You said you were wrong to love me. Everyone appeared in a circle around us. The Normandy crew had been turned into husks. Then Zabaleta was there at your side, saying I was no hero and that I had been too late to save him. Then you pushed me over the edge into the fire. As I fell, I could everyone whispering accusations and my parents…" Her eyes brimmed with tears behind closed eyelids. "Wished they hadn't died to save me."

"You know none of that is true," he murmured into her ear, his breath tickling her earshell.

Shepard sighed tiredly. "I know. Deep down I know that, but this dream and the others like it feel so real and I hate how they make me feel so vulnerable afterwards. I hate how they shake me up and try to cast doubts in my mind." Like she didn't have enough to deal with during the day. "But then I start to think that there's some truth to them, that maybe I haven't done enough or made the right decisions. I was able to put all that aside for awhile, but it's getting worse the longer this war goes, the more people we lose, the more families are broken up, the more homes are destroyed." She buried her face into the crook of his neck. "It just feels like everything is hanging by a thread and we're so close to it snapping and I'm…afraid, Garrus."

Garrus didn't say anything for several moments, leaving Shepard to wonder if she should really have told him any of this, especially admitting she was scared. This was certainly more than she had ever admitted to, this level of insecurity.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared sometimes too," he finally admitted. "For you, for my family, for how this'll all turn out. But I still believe in you, Jane. I always have."

Shepard opened her mouth to question how could he hold so much confidence in her, but he stopped her with two talons against her lips.

He combed his other talons through her hair, working out the tangles. It didn't long to turn into a puddle of jelly against him at his soothing ministrations. "I followed you to Ilos not because I thought you would always make the right choices but because you had the courage and strength and fortitude to try. You saw us through and defeated Saren and Sovereign. Same with the suicide mission. You didn't shy away from making those difficult calls and you saw us through to stop the Collectors. And I will be by your side now against the Reapers, not just because I believe you'll see us through and still have it within you to make the tough decisions, but because this is _our_ fight. And I don't regret any of it. Not for a moment."

His palms found their way on both sides of her face. She could feel the slight quaking of his hands. "And when it's finally over, we can retire somewhere quiet, out of the way, maybe on a sandy beach overlooking a Reaper carcass." She couldn't help but smile at the imagery, especially if it was Harbinger's carcass she got to take pleasure in viewing. "And start building a life together. I've known since Menae, that I was a one human kind of man. Given everything that's happened since then, that's only strengthened." Even he was having trouble keeping his voice steady. "Believe me when I say, no matter what dreams you have trying to convince you otherwise, there's _no one _I'd rather spend the rest of my life with, be bonded to, than you, Jane. If you'd have me."

It took a few moments for Shepard to find her voice and for her mind to compute where their conversation had taken them from where it began. She reached up to cup his face with both her hands just as he did, her hands getting little tremors. "Why, Garrus Vakarian, is that a proposal of marriage?"

"Didn't exactly plan on it being right this moment, and I know it's not exactly formal, but yes…" The hopefulness reflected in his eyes nearly crushed her. "If you want it to be."

Shepard wanted to. She wanted to believe more than anything that they would make it out of this war alive, have some type of future.

The hell with it, why couldn't she allow herself to pretend, hold onto that hope, even it wasn't for long?

She tilted his browplates towards her forehead. "More than anything," she breathed.

His eyes brightened and his mandibles flared widely, imitating that of a human ear to ear grin. "Good to hear." He gave her a thorough human kiss for good measure. "Don't most human proposals involve giving a ring? Getting down on one knee?" he asked when he finally pulled away, a little breathless.

Of course he would have researched that. She couldn't help but find that incredibly endearing.

She kissed him gently on his scarred mandible. "I got everything I need right here, Garrus. Besides, my practically penniless father proposed to my mother while out for a walk and giving her a pebble, promising he'd give her a much shinier rock and all his love and protection for the rest of his life if she married him. Even when he could afford a ring, she always kept that pebble in her jewelry box." Who knew where that pebble was now? Even if it had survived the fire, it probably got lost in the ground when they constructed the Memorial Wall and put all those graves in.

Garrus squeezed her slightly. "How do you think they would have taken it? Their only child marrying a turian?"

"My mother would have been nervous at first," Shepard replied automatically. "She wasn't xenophobic or anything, just she hadn't had much exposure to aliens. Neither of my parents had, really, but they both knew a lot about the histories of the different races. She probably would have uneasy about how militaristic and strict turian culture is. And my mother was always easily unnerved. Not surprising given how abusive my grandfather was to her and my grandmother. But I have no doubt that you would have had her eating out of the palm of your hand in about fifteen minutes."

She could see it now, Garrus being the model of chivalry, offering his help to her mother, getting doors or chairs, dishing out compliments left and right.

Garrus slanted his head, his brow rising in a cocky expression that had become all too familiar to her. "Only fifteen minutes?" he drawled.

Shepard couldn't stop herself from snorting. "Don't get ahead of yourself, Vakarian. Your charm's powerful when you turn it up, but even you have limitations."

"Not entirely sure I believe that, the things that I've gotten to come out of your mouth, but that's for another time. So what about your dad? Would've chased me away with a shotgun on the porch?"

"Actually, he would have liked your sense of humor. He believed that was an important quality to have. As placid as my mother was, she also had a good sense of humor. And he would've liked that you served in the military and C-Sec. He always did admire the military, his grandfather having served. But in the end, I think my parents would have just been content to see me happy."

"I wish I could have met them."

A wave of sadness overcame her when the realization hit that would never happen. "Yeah. Me too."

Garrus kissed her again, this one meant to be more comforting. She wrapped her arms around his neck, disregarding the soreness in her shoulder. Though the kiss was meant to reassure, she felt the familiar tingling throughout her body, the blood pooling in her lower belly. From the quickening heartbeat she felt in his chest and the longing resting in his eyes, there was no question he felt the same.

Despite the constant bed rest, neither of them had had the energy for more than tender embraces and kisses. Even before Mindoir, it had been too long. Long enough.

Shepard quickly found herself being lowered onto her back, Garrus taking care to lay her head and hurt shoulder on the pillow, while never breaking the kiss.

They left off talking for quite some time.

* * *

They weren't leaving the Citadel until the afternoon and Shepard made sure everyone left the ship to enjoy those final hours (especially people like Traynor, who had hardly left the ship since it docked almost a week before).

It had definitely been a good morning, one of Shepard's better ones. She didn't have any more nightmares (Garrus was a miracle work in many ways, it seemed) and woke up feeling fairly rested with messages waiting for her and Garrus.

Shepard had sent Alice a message, just checking up on her and asking how she was doing. Alice finally replied. She was adjusting as well as could be expected. The scientists and their families had been very welcoming and friendly. She had tried getting John to play with some of the other younger children. It didn't really take the first time, but the second time had gone better than she thought it would. He still didn't talk too much to them, but he didn't completely shun away from them either.

When Garrus saw who sent him a message, he went still as a board, like he had gone into shock. Only when Shepard caught the last name of the sender did she understand. His father and sister had made it off Palaven. They were ok. Shepard hugged him close to her chest, allowing him to bury his face into her neck as he processed the news. Even though she had never met Garrus's family, it still made her feel just as relieved as it did for Garrus. He didn't deserve to go through that type of pain, not so soon after losing his mother to Corpalis Syndrome.

After Garrus composed himself, they headed down to the med-bay for their check-ups with Dr. Chakwas, who said they both were improving quite nicely. They tried their best not to look chagrined when she saw the bite mark on Shepard's uninjured shoulder that had not been there the day before and give them a stern look. The third degree they would have gotten if it had been on her bruised one. At least they had been intelligible enough to realize that.

Tali invited Shepard out to brunch to some eatery that served levo and dextro food, just the two of them for some much needed girl bonding time. Garrus had promised, with an air of exaggerated reluctance, that he'd find some way to occupy his time. Shepard had left him with a languid kiss and a vow from him not to engage in any shooting contests without her.

The eatery was surprisingly busy for a weekday morning, with a lot of turians and asari as its patron, though Shepard did spot a couple of humans and a salarian. It made it incredibly easy to forget there was a major war going on.

"I remember passing by this place during my pilgrimage. I was so hungry, but I hardly had enough credits to buy just plain nutrient paste, let alone an actual meal," Tali remarked when they took their seats, completely unfazed at being the only quarian there.

"Well, I'd say you've come quite a long way since then, Tali," Shepard said, taking the menu from the server's outstretched hand, thanking him quietly.

"More than a long way. I wouldn't have believed it, if you'd told me three years ago I'd be an Admiral and there'd be peace between the geth and quarians, that they'd actually help us rebuild on our homeworld," Tali said in wonder, while also taking her own menu from the server.

"You deserve it, Tali." She truly did. No one cared about her people more.

"But you made it all possible and I'll never be able to repay you enough for that."

"Just treat me to this brunch and we'll call it even."

"You're not getting off that easy." Tali skimmed the menu, remarking on the number of choices. "Have to make sure they sterilize it properly, but still the options, so much more than what I'm used to!"

"I don't neglect you and Garrus that badly on the Normandy, do I? I could always put in a requisition order for fancier dextro-based rations," Shepard said, partly teasing her, but totally willing to get better food if she wanted it. Garrus had never said anything, but that was not surprising. The man rarely complained about anything.

Tali waved away her offer. "Honestly, it's not a big deal. I'm usually not a big eater. And I've grown quite used to nutrient paste. It only tastes like gruel half the time now."

They kept the conversation pretty light over their respective meals. Eventually the conversation turned to relationships. Or rather, Shepard steered it in that direction.

"So, hear anything from Kal'Reegar?" Shepard asked innocently, resuming her role as the Normandy's Cupid.

Tali paused in pumping the scrambled egg into her suit. "Just a message asking how I was doing. Don't get ideas, Shepard. I heard from Liara how playing matchmaker has become a new hobby with you."

Shepard resumed cutting her syrup drenched waffle into eatable slices. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Tali sent her a look that clearly said she didn't believe Shepard for a second. "Anyway, it was good to hear from him. I had heard rumors about his unit on Palaven being in danger and I didn't know what to think. I wouldn't want..." It might have been the light, but Shepard swore she saw a slow blush rising on her face through her mask. "Oh, Keelah, Jane..."

Shepard gave her a knowing smile as she put a forkful of waffle into her mouth. Three for three. James and Ash, Liara, and now Tali. She was on a roll. "My work is done," she said once she swallowed. It was enough to plant the seeds. She'd let others grow them themselves.

"You'd better hope I don't get embarrassing vid footage of you or Garrus cause I would totally play it at your wedding reception. In front of everyone. Not that you're getting married," Tali said, getting a little flustered, assuming herself presumptuous. "I mean not now, I mean..."

"I'm sure you'll have the opportunity, Tali." Shepard cursed herself the moment she let it slip. It wasn't like Garrus and Shepard came to some verbal agreement to keep their unofficial engagement a secret, but it wasn't something she really wanted to share with the others, mostly because of the very high chance she wouldn't live to have it come true.

She was not prepared for Tali's lightening reflexes, her catapulting out of her chair and flinging herself at Shepard. "You mean he actually...I always knew he had some sense! I'm so happy for you both!" Tali practically squealed.

Shepard was pretty sure they got some curious glances thrown their way. Not that she didn't appreciate Tali's enthusiasm.

"Thanks, Tali," Shepard said, patting her friend on the back. "But it wasn't anything official. More like a verbal promise than anything."

That didn't seem to deter Tali one bit. "I fully expect to be a bridesmaid. And I could even help you plan. Not now, of course, but...later." If Shepard hadn't been paying attention, she wouldn't have heard it. The same uncertainty Shepard felt. Tali felt it too. But they'd pretend. They could live in that fantasy until the final battle.

"I'd like that, Tali."

As they finished up, their plates taken away and check paid, Liara messaged her, telling her to meet her at the tables outside of Apollo's when she and Tali were done.

"I'd better check on supplies again for the Fleet before we leave. I mean, Rannoch. Keelah, I'm never going to get used to that," Tali said as she pushed in her chair.

On their way out, she had to poke Tali in the arm at two occupants at a nearby bench seat, two certain human squadmates of theirs, getting quite cozy with each other over omelettes. Tali only shook her head, then asked if they should ruin the mood and go over there. Shepard decided to be nice and let James and Ash enjoy their brunch in peace.

There may not be many more moments like that.

Though the light on the Presidium was not natural by any means, it seemed brighter than Shepard had ever remembered it being, making the illusion of a sunny day seem even more authentic, bringing a spring out of Shepard's step that hadn't been there in quite some time. Amazing what gorgeous weather, even if it was manufactured, would do to a person's disposition.

Liara was right where she'd said she'd be, at the second to last table in the row of the tables on the lower landing outside the cafe, but Joker was standing around the table as well.

"I received reports of refugee ships from Tiptree landing on salarian colonies. I don't have names, but it was...mostly children. I'm sorry," she heard Liara tell Joker as she got closer.

"Well, Gunny...uh, Hilary, my sister. Gunny's a nickname she's had it since...she's only 15, so if it's children...then maybe I only lost my dad..." He gave a bitter sigh and Shepard zeroed in on the drawn-out look on Joker's face. "Kind of an asshole thing to hope for."

"Jeff, right now, take any kind of hope you can get," Liara tried to comfort.

Joker's face only seemed to tighten, as if he was trying to keep himself from crying. "Yeah." Then he noticed Shepard and pulled more of himself together. "Shepard. Sorry didn't see you there."

"Hello, Shepard," Liara said, the solemn note in her voice conflicting with the greeting but fixed smile on her lips.

"Your family's colony was attacked?" She hadn't known Joker had been a colony kid too. From the talks she had with him over the years, he had never mentioned it and he had always talked about his childhood days on Arcturus Station with his mother, who had been a civilian contractor, if she recalled.

"Yeah. Reapers rolled in about two weeks ago. Been trying to find out...something ever since."

"I'm sorry I couldn't find out more, Joker, I'll keep trying," Liara vowed, already scanning her abandoned datapad.

"It's fine, Liara, you don't need to worry about it right now. I need to go and meet EDI, anyway."

Joker made to leave, but Shepard stopped him with a hand to the shoulder. "I'm sorry, Joker." She knew better than anyone, the insufficient nature of those words alone, but they were all she could offer.

"Thanks, Shepard." Joker's eyes lowered. "It's weird. I didn't live there that much, really only for vacations or until my mom's next assignment. Folks didn't move back permanently until Hilary was about two, but I was still born there and with my dad and sister living there, always considered it home. Imagine you'd know what that's like, with Mindoir and everything."

"I do." More than Joker could ever know. "You know if you need time, or don't feel like you can fly today, I'd understand." Not that they could really afford a delay, but she wouldn't begrudge Joker if he needed it.

"I'll be fine," Joker interjected emphatically. "When I'm in that pilot's seat, I'm ready for anything. Just need to go take a breather until then. Maybe in the form of a pint. Or two." Joker thanked Liara again and left the two women, pulling his cap further down so the rim covered more of his face.

"Goddess, this all just gets harder with each passing day," Liara said, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"It won't be too much longer, Liara. We go to Sanctuary, we're one step closer to Cerberus."

Liara gave her a small smile. "I see you're back to your confident self."

Shepard plopped down in the seat next to Liara. "Not completely, but I'm getting there, now that Garrus is almost recovered."

"Speaking of Garrus, I hear congratulations are in order."

She wasn't expecting that. Tali couldn't have told her that quickly, could she? She knew Liara was a master information broker, but she wouldn't have put surveillance equipment in Shepard's cabin…would she? "How did you...?"

Liara fiddled with her omni-tool. "EDI already told me this morning."

Of course. "She really is a gossip."

"Actually, it was partly my fault. I asked EDI whether you were up yet this morning and she mentioned something about it."

"Still a gossip. Remind me to have a chat with her about that." Shepard hadn't really apologized to EDI about her attitude towards her before, not that EDI had seemed offended by being brushed-off. Now, though, Shepard would welcome the conversation about organic behavior. Mainly one about the values of privacy and secrecy.

"Anyway, you said you wanted to see me?"

Liara nodded. "Yes. I found out intel on Talbot and Zabaleta. Nothing really earth-shattering, more like verification, but I figured I'd ask, if you're interested."

In the grand scheme of things, this information didn't really matter, but Shepard had always been inquisitive. Inherited that from her father. "First about the attack. Did you ever find out if Cerberus was actively involved in pulling the Alliance marines out like Anderson and Hackett suggested?"

Liara shook her head. "As far as I can tell, no. It's more likely they intercepted Zabaleta's letter and the reply from Commander Youngsen, who did order the marines out of Mindoir. And there's no evidence he was threatened by Cerberus or turned to their side."

Shepard didn't know if it would have been worse for the man to have been coward and given into Cerberus pressure or for him to have been so ruthless. "So the fact he was killed in a Cerberus raid a week later?"

"For once, that seems to be a coincidence."

Shepard toyed with her hands. "So everything checks out? Everything Zabaleta and Talbot told me?"

"With Cerberus, it seems to. The transmissions from Cerberus did come from the Shadow Sea cluster."

"Which makes sense if they're using Sanctuary as a base of operations."

"Exactly. And the time signatures on them match."

"Alright." Move on to the next one. "Anything unusual with Zabaleta?"

"He seemingly had an impressive service record prior to Mindoir. Numerous accolades by his commanding officers, extremely efficient, but the ten year period after Mindoir, the citations started appearing in his file. Apparently the Alliance did try to get him help for his PTSD, but he was completely hostile to the idea."

Shepard banished the image of dream Zabaleta with his brain half-blown away. "He said they didn't care what became of him."

"It was more his parents, who were both former lieutenants, decorated for their own service in the First Contact War, if I remember correctly, insisted on the Alliance trying to get him help. When his discharge was being considered, his mother -his father had died by this point- wrote to brass, asking that he be given an honorable discharge. I believe Robert Talbot also vouched for Zabaleta."

They must have put some type of pressure or offered some incentive. Usually discharge decisions were not up for debate. That would certainly explain why he had still respected Lieutenant Talbot. "Were you able to track his movements during his six years on the Citadel?"

"The money he received from pensions and later his parents' will was evidently squandered quite quickly on gambling debts and large amounts of liquor purchases. The payments towards his apartment's rent kept on piling up, along with the eviction warnings. He was out on the streets within two years. From there, four years of on and off run-ins with C-Sec for drunken behavior in public areas, but he was never incarcerated for long. And that's if he didn't evade them, which according to the reports sent to me, was quite frequently."

"Until he got in touch with Robert Talbot about a month ago..." Shepard trailed off.

_"I checked on Mindoir before a Reaper attack, despite being a so-called vagrant and drunken low-life on the Citadel for six years." _

He had been a hard-ass and broken in so many ways, but he still went back to the very place that caused all of it. Whether it was more for him to find peace or because he genuinely cared, Shepard still hadn't figured out. Probably both. Not that it mattered now.

If Shepard had just found out who he was, she might have been able to help him...

No, it was too late for the what-ifs. With how deeply Mindoir affected him, he might have been beyond help. She could only hope in that final moment of his life, Zabaleta found the inner peace so desperately eluding him, like Talbot.

"Anything on Talbot?" Liara had been the only one Shepard had shared anything about Talbot's past to, only so she'd have an easier time tracking information. Talbot hadn't wanted anyone to know and though Shepard didn't owe the woman one iota, she still felt it was not something she needed to broadcast.

"There's even less on her, but I finally find record of a teenager named Margaret Winters living under Youngsen's care for a few months. She had been transferred from various Alliance centers since the age of 7 when she lost her mother in some type of accident. The details were kind of sketchy on what kind. Then she vanishes from the record books, until she shows up on Mindoir sixteen years later under the name Margaret Talbot, no mention of the maiden name."

"No record of the claims she made against Youngsen?"

"Nothing. If those she reported the abuse to were as dismissive as she said, likely they didn't even make a note of it. Or if there was, Youngsen had it removed." Liara's eyes darkened. "I know he was with the Alliance, I know what Talbot did, but I still cannot blame her for wanting the man dead. To do such a thing to a vulnerable teenager..."

"I know. Trust me, if the man were still alive, there would have been hell to pay. I doubt Talbot was his only victim." It didn't escape Shepard, the recognition that if she hadn't been lucky enough to meet people like Corporal Cartweiler or be taken in by her grandfather, that could have been her.

"Most likely not. Was it that human adage? 'Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely?'"

Shepard folded her hands on the table. "I know one asari that adages doesn't hold true for."

"Only because I've kept myself grounded with the Reapers. And now Thessia."

Shepard didn't know if it was wise to bring it up, with how much the fall of Thessia had torn Liara apart, but she wanted to see how she was coping. "We haven't really spoken about it since it happened. How are you holding up?"

Liara got out of her chair to rest her elbows on the nearby railing. Shepard followed suit. "It was...difficult, at first. It still is, but I've been keeping myself busy. Suppose that's all we can do." Liara turned to Shepard, concern flooding her eyes. "How are you doing? With Mindoir? It couldn't have been easy to see the colony like that again."

"It wasn't." Shepard took a moment to gather her thoughts. "At least the first time, it was rebuilt. Even though I never went back there, it did fill me with some comfort to know people were rebuilding. Now...who knows?"

"Would you ever consider moving back there?"

"Assuming we survive this..." Despite the bad memories, Shepard felt she could actually go back there now, if she needed to. "I'd provide assistance for rebuilding it, try to visit there more often to check on progress, but I couldn't picture living there. That part of my life is over."

"Farming life not for you anymore, Shepard? I was quite looking forward to Garrus learning how to plant crops," Liara said with a mischievous smile.

Shepard gave a genuine laugh. "That would quite the sight," she said, chuckling at the image of Garrus with a watering can and wearing human overalls.

The flashing of her omni-tool caught her eye and she opened it, finding an audio message from Garrus. She was quite popular today, it seemed.

Garrus wanted to meet her outside the docking bay to the Normandy. She sent him a quick reply, telling him she'd be waiting for him there.

"Better not keep him waiting," Liara replied, giving her a knowing smile. Shepard looked at her suspiciously through furrowed eyebrows, but said nothing about it, leaving Liara with a thanks for looking up that info.

It didn't take long to make it to the docking bay. She smiled at the sight of her beloved ship. She had spent time looking outside the docking bay window with Cortez, but this was really the first time in a long while she just took the time to stare at the ship that had become as close to a home as Mindoir had been. It may have been Cerberus built, but it was just as much an Alliance ship as the original. It truly was a thing of beauty, a symbol of resilience and daring in the face of impossible odds. They'd had some great times on the old girl and if a higher power truly existed and allowed for it, she hoped many more to come.

She didn't have to wait long until she heard the approaching footsteps and her favorite turian appeared right by her side.

"Want another rematch?" Shepard asked, assuming that's why he asked to meet there, though she found it curious he didn't want to meet closer to the cars. "If we do, may want to take it easy on me or Chakwas will have my head."

Garrus shifted his weight back and worth, avoiding her eyes. "Not exactly." His mandibles were switching between twitching anxiously and tightening against his face. Shepard's eyes fell on his right hand, which looked to be clenching something tightly against his palm. "I have something for you."

"You mean like a present? It is August, isn't it? It didn't suddenly become April when I wasn't looking?"

Garrus didn't join in on the banter. He looked too nervous to be able to do anything but just give her whatever it was he had in his hand. She hadn't seen him this nervous since their first night together before the Omega-4 relay (no matter how hard he had tried to hide it).

"No, it's for something else." He grabbed her closest hand with his left one, turning her so she faced him. "Close your eyes."

Shepard sent him a puzzled frown, but she did as he asked. What was with all the secrecy and being so nervous? Unless...the sudden thought got her heart pumping erratically. Had he actually bought her a ring?

When Garrus told her to open her eyes, her brain registered nothing had been added to the ring finger of her left hand. Her neck, on the other hand...

Her hand found its way to the amulet that rested on the hollow of her neck over her black shirt. Pure silver with a dark blue stone set in its center.

"It's beautiful, Garrus." She had never been big on wearing jewelry, even as a teenager, but she still appreciated the look of a fine piece. Even more so if it came from Garrus.

Garrus rubbed the back of his neck, a telltale sign he was still nervous. Was there more to this?

He grabbed the amulet in the palm of his hand again and pressed down on the stone, a holo-image popping up from its center, that of a human female with auburn hair and a turian with blue colonial markings whose arms were wrapped around the other and whose heads were nuzzling each other's.

"It's a holo-image of us," Shepard said breathlessly, stating the obvious. Garrus nodded, swallowing deeply, mandibles still twitching. Apparently not trusting his voice, he pressed down on the stone again, the holo-images of Garrus and Shepard disappearing, replaced by a human couple, with the same auburn hair as Shepard's, a silver cross necklace around her neck and a man with the same warm blue eyes and a sturdy arm around the woman's shoulders, both giving her encouraging smiles.

"I asked Liara to have this made a little while back. Then while digging around a few days ago, she found an old ANN report on the raid with your parents' pictures and thought it would be nice to add them. I figured you'd be alright with the holo-image of us, but both of us weren't entirely sure how you'd react to one of your parents. Or if that was even something you wanted. But I decided to give this to you with both holo-images. I thought it might be better than a ring." Garrus suddenly found the floor to be more interesting than her face. "But I also know how you reacted when you saw their images on Mindoir, so I'll understand, if you can't..."

Shepard couldn't tear her eyes away from the images of her parents. Last time she had seen them on Mindoir prompted an emotional breakdown. She felt the familiar sting in her eyes, but the tears didn't fall. She could almost hear them, their voices in her head, as if they were actually standing before her, telling her how proud they were of her and how happy they were to see her with someone, even if he wasn't human. She could see her mother reaching out to her, clasping her head against her chest like she did so many times when she was younger, whispering that everything would ok. She could feel her father lay a comforting hand and tell his dove that she could do this. She would win this war, like she did so many times before. She would survive.

This was the first time since their deaths she could hear their voices so clearly in her mind, without causing her grief.

Last time she hadn't wanted a picture of them, too afraid she wouldn't be able to let go of the past, but burying it hadn't done her any favors. Maybe, maybe this time would be different. Maybe if she had this holo, this acknowledgement of her past, it would give her a better sense of peace, alongside her vision of the future.

"Jane?" She hadn't realized she had blanked on him that long. He hurriedly pressed the stone to make the image disappear, mistakenly thinking the sight of her parents was causing her emotional distress. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have given it to you, I should have realized..." She didn't let him finish before pulling him into a deep kiss, her lips massaging his plates with everything she had. She didn't care if the docking area was filled with people or that she could feel some incredulous eyes on them. Let them look, for all she cared. All that mattered was reassuring Garrus he didn't screw up.

"Don't you dare say that, Garrus Vakarian. Nothing I get from you will ever be a mistake. This means a lot to me, really." She'd have to remember to thank Liara when back on the Normandy. "I love it." She kissed him again. "I love you."

"Don't ever think I'll ever get tired hearing that." His plates didn't look quite so tight as before at her declaration and his mandibles went slack with relief. He pulled her closer, hands on her hips, just as blissful ignorant of those around him, just focusing on the woman in front of him. "And I'm pretty damn partial to you too. Your hair, your waist, pretty much all of you."

"Just partial, huh?"

His next words didn't disappoint. "More than that, actually. I love you too. Quite a lot."

"Definitely good to hear," Shepard said with a wide smile, revealing her shiny teeth. "So what do you say we enjoy the rest of our shore leave?" Shepard asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Some target practice?" His talons brushed against the amulet, slowly moving up her neck to her cheek. "Or did you have something else in mind?"

Shepard pressed her head against his. "Why not both? Make Chakwas extra mad at me?"

Garrus offered her another wide grin. "I like the way you think."

He started pulling her towards the rows of skycars out past the security field and she followed without protest, the comforting weight of the amulet tightly clutched in her free hand.

* * *

_She couldn't believe it was finally here. Her eighteenth birthday. Less a celebration and more a relief. Her grandfather's money was running out (rent was not cheap in the city, even for something basic). _

_She could finally do it. Enlist with the Alliance. She had filled out the initial application via the extranet, but she couldn't officially enlist until that day._

_She had taken the shuttle to where the Alliance recruitment event was being held, since her apartment was all the way across town. Actually three shuttles. She had to transfer twice. Whole process took about two hours. _

_Now she was here, standing outside the center at five to noon, watching the people flow in and out of the building. They all looked so much more confident than she did, more physically fit. _

_Should she even do this? She was a farmer and grower. A farmer and grower's daughter, a farmer and grower's granddaughter. Should she even strive to be more than that? _

_She hadn't fully seen it, then, when she was on the Einstein, but it had been an eye-opening experience, to see the life of a soldier up close. There was just something so noble, so fulfilling, like a soldier was part of something greater by helping people and protecting the galaxy. She was in need of a purpose in her life and the Alliance seemed to offer that. _

_But would she even fit in? The shy and quiet colony girl being barked at with orders that had to be followed to the tee? Bonding with her fellow marines? Going through the rigorous training? Learning how to fire a weapon, kill another person? An alien?_

_She tried to imagine her father advising her again, but all that came to mind was that final image of him. She would have given so much to hear his voice one more time without that image of his dead body tainting everything._

_She shook her head. She thought about them enough during her night hours. She couldn't think about them. Not now when she needed to be strong. _

_Her legs began moving of their own accord towards the building, not allowing her much time to think about it. She had to stop being so scared. She had to take this leap of faith, no matter where it took her, even if it took her to all corners of the galaxy or even the gates of hell itself. _

_A little voice inside her head told her she'd regret it the rest of her life if she didn't, without offering any real rhyme or reason, like she was meant to do this. The next chapter of her life was inside that building, the voice insisted, and she had to answer its call._

_Without further hesitation, she opened the door to enter the crowded and stifling hot building and take her first step. _

* * *

A/N: Thus concludes _Old, Unhappy, Far-Off Things_. It's been a fun ride with this story and I hope you all enjoyed it. I said this at the beginning, but again, thank you to everyone who gave this story a chance, by reviews, favoriting, following, or just plain reading it. Meant so much to me!

For those reading _Taking Back Omega_, stay tuned in the coming days for the next chapter (and if you haven't, I must take a moment to do some shameless self-promotion and suggest you check it out, see if it's your cup of tea). As always, comments are greatly appreciated.

~Lady Alila


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